How to Stay Calm Quickly

Stop what you're doing. One of the best ways to stay calm is to remove yourself from whatever is causing discomfort. Temporarily, this means telling the person you're speaking with that you need a break. If you're at work, politely excuse yourself. Go to a quiet place away from what's bothering you and focus on calming thoughts.

Focus your consciousness. When you're anxious, uncomfortable, or angry, your body enters a 'fight or flight' state. The sympathetic nervous system elevates your body by triggering hormones like adrenaline. These hormones increase heart rate, breathing, muscle tension, and blood vessel constriction. Avoid stressors and concentrate on what your body is experiencing. This can help you stay present and reduce the likelihood of 'uncontrolled actions.'

• 'Uncontrolled actions' occur when the brain forms habitual responses to stimuli, such as stress. The brain activates these habits when faced with triggers. Research shows that breaking this reaction cycle by focusing on your current sensations truly helps the brain form new habits.
• Don’t judge what you’re experiencing; simply acknowledge it. For example, if you’re genuinely angry about something someone said, your heart may race, and your face may turn red or feel hot. Acknowledge these emotional details without labeling them as 'right' or 'wrong.'

Breathe deeply. When your emotional nervous system is triggered by stress, one of the first things you need is calmness, including breathing. Focusing on deep, even breaths has numerous benefits. It restores oxygen levels, regulates brain waves, and lowers blood pressure. These effects help you feel calm and relaxed.

• Breathe using your diaphragm, not your chest. Place your hand below your ribcage, and you’ll feel your abdomen rise as you inhale and fall as you exhale.
• Sit upright, stand, or lie straight to keep your chest comfortable. Poor posture makes breathing harder. Inhale slowly through your nose while counting to 10. Feel your lungs and abdomen expand as they fill with air. Then, exhale slowly through your nose or mouth. Aim for 6-10 deep breaths per minute.
• Focus on your breathing rhythm. Avoid distractions, even thoughts about how angry you feel. Count your breaths if you’re distracted, or repeat calming words or phrases.
• As you inhale, visualize a beautiful golden light of love and acceptance. Feel its warmth spreading from your lungs to your heart and throughout your body. As you exhale, imagine all stress leaving your body. Repeat 3-4 times.

Relax your muscles. When emotional or stress responses occur, your muscles tense up. You might feel actual 'pain.' Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) can consciously relieve tension by tightening and releasing specific muscle groups. With a little practice, PMR can help you quickly overcome stress and anxiety.

• Many free PMR guides are available online. MIT offers an 11-minute audio guide on PMR.
• Find a quiet, comfortable spot. It should be dimly lit.
• Lie down or sit in a relaxed position. Loosen or remove tight clothing.
• Focus on specific muscle groups. Start from your toes upward or your forehead downward.
• Tighten all muscles in a group as much as possible. For example, if starting with your head, raise your eyebrows and open your eyes wide. Hold for 5 seconds, then release. Squeeze your eyes shut tightly. Hold for 5 seconds, then release.
• Move to the next muscle group. For instance, press your lips together tightly for 5 seconds, then release. Next, smile widely for 5 seconds, then release.
• Continue with remaining muscle groups: neck, shoulders, arms, chest, abdomen, buttocks, thighs, calves, feet, and toes.

Distract yourself. If possible, divert your attention from things that bother you. Dwelling on discomfort can lead to overthinking, where you repeatedly analyze the same issue. This repetition can heighten anxiety and depression symptoms. Distraction isn’t a long-term solution, but it’s an effective way to give your mind a break, allowing you to calm down. Later, you can return to the problem with a clearer perspective.

• Talk to friends. Connecting with loved ones can help you forget your troubles and make you feel comforted and cared for. Studies show that mice who socialize experience fewer stress-induced ulcers than those kept alone.
• Watch a cheerful movie or a funny TV show. Lighthearted humor can calm you and create distance from discomfort. Avoid bitter or sarcastic humor, as it may increase anger.
• Listen to soothing music. Choose tracks around 70 beats per minute, such as classical or New Age pop like Enya. Aggressive actions like punching only increase frustration.
• Look at calming images. Humans are biologically inclined to find small, big-eyed creatures like puppies or babies adorable. Pictures of kittens can trigger a 'happiness' chemical response.
• Shake your limbs like a wet dog. This physical movement helps your brain process new emotions, making you feel better.

Use self-soothing techniques. Self-soothing can instantly reduce stress and anxiety by focusing on comfort and self-care.

• Take a warm bath or hot shower. Research shows that physical warmth has a calming effect on many people.
• Use calming essential oils, such as lavender or chamomile.
• Play with a pet. Stroking a dog or cat can soothe you and even lower blood pressure.

Gentle touch. When humans are tenderly touched, their bodies release oxytocin, creating a strong emotional uplift. You can also achieve this through a friendly hug or intimacy with a partner, or by soothing yourself.

• Place your hands on your chest. Focus on the warmth of your skin and your heartbeat. Breathe slowly and evenly. Feel your chest rise as you inhale and fall as you exhale.
• Give yourself a hug. Wrap your arms around your chest and place your hands on your upper arms. Squeeze gently. Notice the warmth and pressure in your hands and arms.
• Cup your hands over your face. Use your fingertips to massage your jaw or the area around your eyes. Run your hands through your hair. Gently massage your scalp.

Evaluate your eating habits. The body and mind are interconnected, and your diet directly impacts both.

• Reduce caffeine. As a stimulant, excessive caffeine can make you feel jittery and anxious.
• Eat protein-rich foods. Protein keeps you full and stabilizes blood sugar levels throughout the day. Lean proteins like chicken and fish are excellent choices.
• Complex carbohydrates high in fiber help your brain produce serotonin, the happiness hormone. Opt for whole-grain bread, pasta, brown rice, beans, lentils, fruits, and vegetables.
• Avoid sugary and fatty foods. They can increase stress and irritability.
• Limit alcohol. While it may initially provide relief, alcohol can worsen depression and disrupt sleep, making you more prone to irritability.

Exercise. Engaging in physical activity stimulates the production of endorphins, the body's natural 'feel-good' hormones. You don't need a toned body to reap these benefits. Studies indicate that even moderate exercises, such as walking and gardening, can enhance feelings of calm, happiness, and relaxation.

• Exercises that incorporate meditation and gentle movements, like Tai Chi and Yoga, have shown positive effects on anxiety and depression. They can alleviate pain and boost feelings of well-being.

Meditation. Meditation boasts a long and esteemed history in Eastern traditions. Scientific research suggests that meditation can enhance relaxation and feelings of happiness. It can even alter how the brain processes external stimuli. There are numerous meditation styles, with 'mindfulness' meditation being one of the most recommended.

• You don't even need to go out to learn meditation. MIT offers numerous downloadable MP3 files on meditation. The UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center also provides resources.

Reflect on what angers you. Stress can build up gradually without us even noticing. Often, a major issue doesn't upset us, but a pile-up of minor irritations over time can.

• Try to distinguish between primary and secondary emotions. For instance, if you arrange to meet a friend at the cinema and they don't show up, you might feel hurt initially. That's a primary emotion. Later, you might feel disappointed or angry. These are secondary emotions. Understanding the source of your emotions can help you comprehend why you experience them.
• Often, you might experience multiple emotions at once. Try to sort out what you're feeling and name each emotion. Once you've named your emotions, you can better address them.
• A common reason people feel angry is believing that things must go a certain way (usually their way). Remember, you can't control everything in life, nor should you want to.
• Don't judge emotional reactions. Accept and try to understand them.

Avoid anger-inducing situations when possible. It's clear that never getting angry is impossible. Experiencing problems and unpleasant or troublesome emotions is part of being human. However, if you can eliminate stressors from your life, you'll handle unavoidable issues better.

• You can be 'smarter' in uncomfortable situations. For example, if you're stuck in traffic during rush hour—and so is everyone else—you might consider leaving earlier or finding an alternative route.
• Look for the silver lining. Reframing annoying problems as learning experiences can help you stay calm because you're empowering yourself. Instead of something happening to you, the problem becomes something you can use to learn for the future.
• If someone irritates you, think about why. Exactly what behavior of theirs bothers you? Are you behaving similarly? Trying to understand others' motives can help you avoid anger. Remember, we're all human, and we all have bad days.

Express your emotions. No emotion is inherently bad, not even anger. What can be harmful is ignoring or suppressing your emotions instead of acknowledging them.

• Acknowledging emotions doesn't mean you have to feel depressed or guilty, or that you should get angry and lash out at others. Instead, acknowledge that you're human, and experiencing a range of emotions is natural. Your emotions happen, and they shouldn't be judged. Your reactions to these emotions are what you're responsible for.
• Once you've acknowledged your emotions, consider how you might respond. For example, it's completely natural to feel angry if your contribution to a major project goes unnoticed, or if your partner is unfaithful. However, you have the choice to either let your anger explode or use the methods outlined in this article to calm yourself and handle your emotions carefully.

Spend time with people who make you feel calm. Research shows that people often tend to let others' emotions 'influence' them. The anxiety levels of those we spend time with can affect us as well. Surround yourself with individuals who make you feel comfortable and at peace, and you'll notice yourself becoming more composed.

Consult a specialist or counselor. A common misconception is that you need a 'major issue' to see a specialist, but that's not true. Specialists can help you process your emotions and learn healthy, effective ways to cope with daily anxiety and stress.

Practice the STOPP technique. STOPP is a handy acronym to help you stay calm in challenging situations. It consists of five simple steps: Stop your immediate reaction, Take a breath, Observe what's happening, Pull back to gain perspective, and Practice what works best.

Be mindful of personalization. A common distortion in our thinking is personalization, where we take responsibility for things beyond our control. This can lead to anger and frustration, as we can't control others' actions. However, we can control our reactions.

Avoid controversial topics in conversations. A surefire way to provoke anger is to discuss subjects you know well and the other person is equally knowledgeable about, but with opposing views. If you feel capable of engaging effectively with others, that's great. If the conversation seems like two monologues clashing, try shifting to a less contentious topic.

• It might feel awkward to suggest changing the subject, but the reduction in tension and pressure is worth the temporary discomfort. Don't hesitate to take responsibility and say something like, 'You know, it seems we have to agree to disagree on this topic. How about we talk about last night's basketball game instead?'
• If the person continues to discuss the issue that makes you uncomfortable, apologize and exit the conversation. You can use an 'I' statement to avoid sounding accusatory: 'I feel overwhelmed by this topic. You guys continue discussing, but I think I need to step away.'
• If you truly cannot leave the situation, you can mentally disengage from the conversation. Imagine yourself in a peaceful place. This should only be used as a last resort, as not genuinely listening is often easily noticed and can be offensive or irritating to others.

Steer clear of negativity. Expressing too much negativity can actually affect how you think, learn, and remember information. Continuously expressing negativity will make your brain form a habit of negative thinking. While complaining at work or school is quite common, be careful not to let it become too frequent, or you might find yourself more frustrated than you think.

• The problem becomes worse if someone complains to you about something you feel is wrong. You might get angry if you're hurt. However, you might not have any way to fix the mistake, which can make you feel upset and discouraged.
• Like other emotions, complaints and negativity are contagious. Even 30 minutes of stressfully listening to someone complain can increase your cortisol levels, a stress hormone that makes it harder to think calmly.
• Instead, try to think about the problem constructively. Feeling frustrated when things go wrong is normal. Venting emotions temporarily can be helpful. However, it's more beneficial in the long run to think about what you can change in the given situation to do better next time rather than just focusing on the bad things that happened.

• Using the bathroom is a great excuse for a quick escape, and you can have some time to yourself without being disturbed.
• When something good happens, capture the moment, event, or story in a mental picture. When you're stressed, you can recall happy memories, such as acing a test, your cat lying on your laptop, and so on.
• If you enjoy tea, savor a good cup. Tea contains L-theanine, which improves mood and promotes calmness. Avoid caffeinated tea; caffeine is a stimulant and can make you more tense.