How to Stay Calm When Feeling Frustrated

Feeling down or angry is a natural part of life. Conflicts and stress at work, at home, or in your social life can leave you feeling frustrated, and this is simply a sign of being human. Fortunately, you have the option to choose how to act and respond to these situations. With a little knowledge and practice, you can learn to manage your reactions and maintain your composure, regardless of the circumstances.

Count to 10. By taking a moment to pause and count to 10, you are distancing yourself from your emotions and thoughts. Imagine that with each number, you are reaching a new level of calmness in your mind. Focus on the number and the intention of creating a peaceful space as you count down from 10 to 1. Repeat this technique until your mind feels more at ease.

• If you need more time, you can count down from 100. This action will help you relax and give you more time to regain your composure.
• Trained hypnotherapists often use counting techniques to help you calm down and relax.
• You can practice this counting exercise anywhere: at home, in the bathroom, in the elevator, or in any place where negative thoughts and frustration arise. For example, if you're driving and someone cuts you off, pull over and count to 10.

Take deep breaths to instantly relax. When you're stressed, your body activates what's known as the "fight or flight" mode. Your sympathetic nervous system starts to increase your heart rate, breathing, muscle tension, and prepares your body to face an attack. You should take the time to breathe deeply, providing your brain with oxygen and slowing your heart rate, allowing you to relax. This way, you can respond to anger or frustration in a more helpful manner with a clearer mind. Find a place where you can be alone for at least 10 minutes to focus on your breathing. You can play some calming music if you like. You can also try one of the following breathing exercises:

• Breathe in while counting to 10. Inhale on even numbers and exhale on odd numbers. You can even add some simple imagery by visualizing breathing in a color that helps you relax, like blue or green. When you exhale, imagine a misty gray smoke representing the negative thoughts or emotions leaving your body.
• Sit comfortably and place your hands on your belly. Breathe deeply into your belly and fully exhale. Pay attention to any areas of tension in your body. For example, many people experience tightness in the neck, shoulders, lower back, or arms and hands. Allow the air to reach the tense areas and let go of the muscle tightness as you exhale.
• Listening to relaxing music can also help when practicing this technique.

Distance yourself from the frustrating situation. If your conflict involves another person, take a moment to breathe, briefly explain that you're upset (without going into details), and turn away to walk off. This method will create personal space for your mind to process emotions, and at the same time, allow you to feel that you can control the situation. Remember, you still have many options, and they are tools to help you regain your composure.

• You don’t need to go into details, and you shouldn’t walk away abruptly when you're angry — doing so could halt the conversation between you and the other person. Instead, say something like "Right now, I’m very upset and need a break. I’m going for a walk for a bit."
• You can walk as long as you want. Imagine that with every step, you're allowing the frustration to leave your body through your feet. Try walking in a park or an area with many trees, and allow yourself to stop thinking about whatever caused your frustration.

Reflect on your thoughts. Pay attention to the negative thoughts surrounding the situation causing you distress. Accept that you're feeling upset. Frustration is not a silly or trivial feeling; it’s a natural human emotion that everyone experiences at times. Everyone has the right to be frustrated, and every time we feel frustrated, it gives us an opportunity to learn about what triggers our strong emotional reactions. Allow yourself to feel the dissatisfaction over the issue that’s making you upset. In doing so, you will be more honest with yourself and better able to calm down.

• At first, this may feel difficult and even somewhat "cheesy," but try talking to yourself to practice accepting your emotions. Tell yourself something like "Right now, I’m feeling very upset. This is normal. I can control how I react to these feelings."
• Consider writing down your thoughts when you're feeling down. At first, acknowledge that you're upset, and then review your thoughts once you’ve calmed down.

Laugh out loud. You can find a funny picture on your phone or the internet, or think about a joke that always makes you laugh or something amusing you’ve seen or heard. Frustration is a completely normal emotion, and like all emotions, you can manage it. At this moment, you need to become more cheerful in order to maintain your calm and make healthy choices on how to handle the discomfort. Stop trying to resolve the conflict or issue until you’re able to think more clearly.

• Laughing out loud can help you calm down, maintain composure, and process your frustration in a healthier way. It’s not an effort to downplay the frustration you're feeling.
• Make sure the humor you’re using isn’t malicious or sarcastic, as this can actually make you feel more upset.

Listen to soothing music. Dedicate some time to immerse yourself in any music that can help you calm down while breathing and relaxing. If you feel like it, you can also dance or sing. Being active and creative can soothe your body and help you connect with your emotions. This approach will better prepare you to handle anything that is causing frustration.

• Try listening to music with 60 beats per minute, as it will help your brain synchronize with your heartbeat and the music’s rhythm. This will bring about a state of calm and comfort. Instrumental music, light jazz, "easy-listening" genres, or New Age artists like Enya will be very helpful.
• You will find many websites offering soothing tracks for your phone, making it easier to relax.
• The most important thing is to enjoy the music you're listening to. While some think that loud music makes anger worse, studies have not found a clear link. In fact, some research suggests that if you like "heavy" music, it can actually boost positive emotions when you're feeling angry or frustrated.

Change your mindset. It's important to shift from negative to positive thinking. This change can improve your mood, help combat discomfort or frustration, and maintain your calm. Practice using positive language to help yourself stay calm.

• For example, if you're upset because you accidentally broke something, instead of thinking, "Things never go right for me," or "Everything is a mess," which reflects a "black-and-white" thinking trap, try re-framing it as: "It was just an accident. Accidents happen." Or, "Everyone makes mistakes. There's no need to stay upset."
• Be mindful not to jump to conclusions or "personalize" situations. If someone cuts you off in traffic, it's easy to get angry and assume they're intentionally trying to harm you. This is an example of personalization. Take a moment to consider other possible explanations. Maybe the driver didn’t see you, or they're having a bad day and are distracted, or maybe they're a new driver still gaining confidence. There are many potential reasons, and it’s not always about being targeted. Remember, feeling attacked is often the root cause of anger.

Engage in physical activity. You can relieve stress by engaging in physical activities that soothe your body. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood enhancers. Moderate exercise can reduce stress and anxiety.

• Consider hitting the gym, punching a bag, or going for a run. Alternatively, you can do gentler activities like stretching or walking.
• When stretching, be sure to breathe as you extend your arms, legs, and back. Pay attention to your body and its flexibility. Stretching improves circulation, which relaxes tense muscles and leaves you feeling more alert and relaxed.
• Many people find that focusing on tidying up brings comfort. Cleaning involves physical activity and provides immediate results. It also distracts your mind as you perform helpful and productive tasks. Clutter can increase stress, so tidying up helps you feel calmer and more at ease.

Understand that you cannot control others. You are the only one who can control your actions and reactions. Unfortunately, this means you can’t completely shield yourself from others in a way that prevents frustration. It’s important to nurture yourself to build resilience against life’s disappointments and frustrating situations. This will help you maintain your composure in difficult moments. Remember, you can only control your own feelings.

• For example, a reckless driver, an annoying coworker, or relationship conflicts are beyond your control. However, you have control over how you respond to these irritants.
• Take time for self-care, like reading a good book, relaxing in a bath, or taking a walk around your neighborhood. These activities will help you stay calm.

Practice the RAIN method. RAIN is an acronym that can help you practice mindfulness in everyday life. Many research studies have shown that mindfulness practice can help relieve stress.

• Recognize the experience (R). Be aware of what is happening in the present moment. Pay attention to your bodily sensations, the experiences you're having, and the thoughts that are forming.
• Allow yourself to feel these things (A). When an experience triggers negative thoughts or emotions, give yourself permission to feel them. Often, we suppress our emotions, which can cause us more stress and frustration. Acknowledge that your feelings are real, and that they are neither 'right' nor 'wrong'—they simply exist.
• Investigate the situation with kindness (I). You should offer yourself the same compassion you would offer to a friend. For example, if you're feeling stressed, you may think you are foolish or worthless. Reflect on your thoughts. Would you say these things to a friend? Instead, try to show yourself kindness by saying something compassionate, like 'I truly deserve care.'
• Natural loving awareness (N) will arise when you practice the three steps above. This will allow you to separate yourself from negative generalizations like 'I'm a loser' or 'I'm so dumb.' You’ll realize that such thoughts often emerge from fear or insecurity.

Practice mindfulness meditation. Research has shown that meditation can change how your brain responds to stress. This is especially true for mindfulness meditation, which has been widely studied.

• You don’t need to meditate for hours to see results. Even just 15 minutes a day can help you feel calmer. Some people find that meditating right after they wake up in the morning works best. At this time, you’re calm and still a little sleepy. Simply press the snooze button on your alarm, sit up, and focus on your breath.
• Daily meditation reduces stress reactions, helps you brush off small frustrations, and encourages a more peaceful mindset when facing any kind of conflict.

Practice yoga. Yoga has been clinically proven to reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. Most types of yoga combine meditation, breathing exercises, and gentle movement, making it an excellent technique for calming your body and managing stress responses. There are various types of yoga, so find a class that suits your abilities and is taught by an instructor you feel comfortable with. Practice yoga in a quiet environment that helps you relax. Connect with your emotions and body to relax your mind.

• Remember, yoga isn’t about achieving the perfect body and it’s not a competition.
• You may want to explore other articles we’ve written about yoga for more information.

Pay attention to your emotions every day. Take time to reflect on what you’re feeling. Honor your emotions, as doing so will help you react more calmly to situations that make you upset. Writing in a journal can serve as a protective shield. Writing about your feelings will help you reduce stress and manage anxiety and sadness.

• Exploring your emotions will help you stay calmer and become stronger in facing daily challenges, knowing that you always have a way to handle your feelings.
• It’s important to show compassion to yourself when journaling. Studies have shown that just writing about negative feelings or stress isn’t enough to be effective; you need to try to be kind to yourself when these emotions appear and work toward finding solutions.
• For example, if you find yourself getting angry with a colleague, write about your experience in your journal. What happened? How did you feel? How did you react in that moment? Would you like to change anything about your response? What will you do in the future to avoid this reaction?

Exercise regularly. Try to incorporate physical activity into your routine every day, even if it's just a 20-minute walk or a quick dance session. Exercise releases endorphins, natural painkillers that help you relax and improve your mood. Your body will feel more at ease as well.

• Lack of physical activity can lead to muscle tension and stress, making you more likely to react overly to situations that bother you.

Avoid caffeine and sugar. Both substances can stimulate your adrenal glands, increasing hormone production that makes you more prone to frustration. Additionally, they can hinder your ability to relax and stay calm. Try reducing your caffeine and sugar intake for a few weeks to see if you feel more relaxed. Afterward, you can slowly reintroduce small amounts if desired.

• If you do consume caffeine, remember that adults should not exceed 400mg of caffeine per day, or 100mg if you're a teenager.
• It’s also a good idea to eat healthy snacks every 3-4 hours. This helps maintain stable blood sugar levels and prevents mood swings that could lead to further discomfort.

Do not use alcohol to manage stress. Although using alcohol as a coping mechanism is common, it's not a healthy choice. Social drinking is fine occasionally, but alcohol should not be relied upon as a "stress reliever." This can lead to potential abuse and alcohol dependence.

• If you drink, do so in moderation. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism recommends that men should limit themselves to no more than 4 drinks per day and 14 per week; women should have no more than 3 drinks per day and 7 per week.
• A "drink" is roughly 350ml of regular beer, 230-260ml of malt liquor, 150ml of wine, or 45ml (a small shot) of liquor with 40% alcohol content.
• Avoid drinking alcohol before bedtime. While it may make you drowsy at first, alcohol disrupts the REM sleep cycle and can leave you feeling exhausted the next morning.

Get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation is a common cause of stress and anxiety. Numerous studies in the U.S. have shown that most Americans need more sleep than they usually get. To ensure you get quality sleep, try the following steps:

• Create a bedtime routine. Avoid screens like TVs or computers before bed. Try drinking herbal tea or soaking in a warm bath. Doing this nightly will help establish a calming ritual.
• Avoid caffeine and nicotine before sleep. These stimulants can make it harder to fall asleep.
• Be consistent. Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends. This helps keep your internal clock balanced.

Maintain a work-life balance. It’s important to plan activities that give you something to look forward to, whether it's a vacation, downtime at home, your favorite TV show, or a class you're interested in. Strive to have a balance between tasks you need to do and those you enjoy. Recognizing that you care for yourself in this way will help you feel calm and satisfied. Both of these factors act as protective barriers against frustration and negative reactions.

• Set boundaries between work and personal life. For example, make it a rule not to check work emails outside of working hours.
• Manage your time effectively. Many adults waste too much time during their workday, leading to the need to work during their personal time. Try to complete your tasks at work so you don’t bring your job home.
• Schedule time for fun. If you have a busy work schedule, you may overlook personal downtime. Try to plan relaxation sessions, and treat them as important as any meeting. You can even add them to your calendar if needed.