How to Stay Calm When You're Angry

Do you often lose your temper? Have you ever yelled, thrown things, or cursed when feeling frustrated with those around you? Have you ever felt enraged by something trivial, like being stuck in traffic, receiving bad news that doesn't matter, or simply hearing something you didn’t want to hear? If so, you need to learn how to manage your emotions before anger takes over your life. It’s not easy to control the deep-rooted anger within each of us, but it’s essential to adopt methods that help you stay calm in those moments and beyond.

Take a Walk. Try to remove yourself from the situation that is making you angry. This will help you regain composure and think clearly. If the weather is nice, step outside and enjoy the beautiful scenery. Or simply stand up and walk around to release negative energy and distance yourself from whatever is irritating you. If you're in a heated argument, it’s perfectly fine to say, 'I’m stepping out for a moment.'

• Remember, in most situations, you don’t have to respond immediately. You can leave the room or building and give yourself time to calm down before replying to anyone.

Control your initial "flare-up". If you tend to get angry quickly, your first reaction is usually not a productive one. You may feel the urge to kick the car, punch the wall, or yell at someone. Instead of reacting impulsively, ask yourself what you should do to achieve a better outcome. Take a moment to think about how to respond, and consider what usually helps you calm down.

• Your first reaction often leans towards violence, destruction, and utter irrationality. Don’t let these negative emotions dominate you and worsen the situation.

Dance to your favorite song. You might think this is the last thing you want to do when you're angry, but that’s exactly why you should do it. If you feel yourself sinking deeper into anger, play your favorite song, get up, dance, and sing along. This will distract you from your anger and help you feel better.

• If this method proves effective, you might even want to keep your favorite song on hand to play whenever you start feeling truly angry.

Practice deep breathing. Sit up straight in a chair. Breathe in deeply through your nose, counting to 6. Then slowly exhale, counting to 8 or 9. Pause and repeat this 10 times.

• Focus solely on your breath, clearing your mind of anything that might disrupt your thoughts.

Count down from fifty. By counting silently or out loud, you can calm down in less than a minute. While counting, focus on the numbers and maintain your calm. This exercise will help you avoid letting anger overwhelm you, enabling you to confront the issue with a clearer mind.

• If you’re still angry, repeat the exercise, or try counting down from 100.

Meditate. Meditation can help you regulate your emotions. If you feel yourself about to lose control, take a moment to relax your mind through meditation. You should remove yourself from the situation causing your anger before starting to meditate. For example, you could step outside, go up the stairs, or even head to the restroom to escape the environment causing your frustration.

• Breathe slowly and deeply. Maintaining this breath will lower your fast-beating heart rate. The breath should be deep enough to make your stomach rise fully.
• Imagine a yellow-white light filling your body as you inhale, relaxing your mind. As you exhale, picture your breath carrying away any dark energy within you.
• Make meditation a daily habit, even when you’re not angry. Regular meditation will help you become more composed over time.

Visualize a peaceful scene. Close your eyes and imagine a place you love, such as the beach you used to visit as a child or a beautiful lake you remember from your younger days. It could also be a place you’ve never been to, like a field of flowers or a breathtaking landscape. Choose a place that immediately brings you a sense of calm and tranquility, and you'll notice your breath returning to a normal pace.

• Focus on the smallest details. The more details you visualize, the further your anger will fade.

Listen to music. Listening to your favorite songs can help restore your equilibrium. Music has been shown to help evoke pleasant memories and stabilize your mood. It can also calm an angry or agitated person, even if they are unaware of the source of their agitation. Classical and jazz music are particularly effective in soothing anger, but feel free to find the genre that works best for you.

Alter your viewpoint. Change the way you perceive things, as this will help you approach situations more positively and maintain calm. Focusing too much on the issue causing your anger can make you believe everything in your life is going wrong. Shifting your perspective encourages you to use logical and optimistic thinking, helping you gain a more positive outlook on life’s events.

• For example, you might think, 'Everything happening to me is terrible.' But if you think more rationally, you might realize it's a mix of both good and bad: in one day, you might get a flat tire, find 100,000 VND, have a work problem, and receive an unexpected gift from a friend. This is a mix of good and bad—by focusing more on the positive, you'll see life in a brighter light.
• Another example: Instead of thinking negatively like, 'This always happens, I can't take it anymore!', try thinking positively: 'This has happened many times, and I've handled it successfully before. I'll get through it again.'

Journal your anger. Write in detail about the emotions you're experiencing when you're angry. If something happens that makes you lose control of your emotions, record it in your journal. Be specific about how you felt, what triggered your anger, where you were, who you were with, how you reacted, and how you felt afterward.

• After using the journal for some time, you should begin to notice patterns in the people, places, or events that trigger your anger.

Identify what triggers your anger. In addition to learning how to calm down when you're angry, try to understand the root cause of your anger by identifying related factors and working to reduce your emotional reactions. By pinpointing what makes you angry, you'll likely be able to manage your emotional responses better.

Communicate constructively. Speaking without thinking carefully can make you angrier—and can make the other person angry as well, escalating the issue beyond what it actually is. When something makes you angry, take a moment to think about the cause and then express how you're really feeling.

• One form of constructive communication is 'assertiveness when angry.' Instead of reacting passively (getting angry but saying nothing) or excessively (blowing things out of proportion), try to communicate proactively. To do this, focus on the issue itself (without exaggerating your emotions) and communicate your needs (rather than demands) respectfully. For instance, you could say, 'I'm really upset because you didn't tell me you'd be home late.'

Biết khi nào cần nhờ đến giúp đỡ. Nhiều người có thể tự đối phó với các vấn đề tức giận ở nhà. Tuy nhiên, bạn có thể cần phải nhờ đến sự giúp đỡ của chuyên gia để đối phó với chứng tức giận của mình, nếu bạn gặp phải những điều sau:

• Những việc nhỏ nhặt cũng khiến cho bạn tức giận.
• Khi bạn giận dữ, bạn thể hiện những hành vi hung hăng, bao gồm cả la hét, gào thét hay đập phá.
• Khi cơn nóng giận thường xảy ra lặp đi lặp lại, có thể bạn đã bị mắc chứng “tức giận mãn tính”.

Tham gia vào một chương trình quản lý cơn tức giận. Chương trình quản lý cơn tức giận đã được chứng minh là rất thành công. Chương trình hiệu quả trong việc giúp bạn hiểu được nguồn cơn của sự tức giận, xây dựng các phương pháp trong ngắn hạn để xử lý sự tức giận, cũng như xây dựng các kỹ năng kiểm soát cảm xúc của bạn. Có rất nhiều chương trình phù hợp để bạn dễ dàng lựa chọn..

• Các chương trình riêng biệt ở nơi bạn sống dành riêng cho từng nhóm độ tuổi, nghề nghiệp, hoặc hoàn cảnh cụ thể.
• Để tìm một chương trình quản lý sự tức giận phù hợp với bạn, hãy thử tìm kiếm trực tuyến từ khóa "lớp quản lý tức giận" cộng (+) với tên của thành phố hoặc khu vực bạn sinh sống. Bạn cũng có thể tìm kiếm với các thuật ngữ như "cho thanh thiếu niên" hoặc "cho PTSD" (hậu chấn tâm lý) để tìm một nhóm phù hợp với tình hình cụ thể của bạn.
• Bạn cũng có thể tìm kiếm các chương trình thích hợp bằng cách tham khảo bác sĩ hoặc chuyên gia trị liệu, hoặc nhờ tư vấn từ các khóa học tự hoàn thiện bản thân tại các trung tâm cộng đồng.

Tìm một chuyên gia trị liệu phù hợp. Cách tốt nhất để học cách giữ bình tĩnh là xác định và xử lý gốc rễ các vấn đề tức giận của bạn. Một chuyên gia trị liệu có thể hướng dẫn cho bạn những phương pháp thư giãn sử dụng trong các tình huống khiến bạn tức giận. Họ có thể giúp bạn phát triển các kỹ năng kiềm chế cảm xúc và khả năng giao tiếp.

• Ngoài ra, chuyên gia trị liệu cũng sẽ giúp xử lý các vấn đề từ quá khứ của bạn (ví dụ như bị bỏ rơi hay lạm dụng từ thời thơ ấu), cũng là một trong những tác nhân của cơn tức giận.

Tự tạo một môi trường sống tích cực cho chính mình. Hãy góp nhặt những điều hạnh phúc cho cuộc sống của bạn. Những cây nến thơm, những cây trồng trong chậu, hoặc những bức ảnh của bạn bè và người thân, những điều khiến bạn hạnh phúc cũng sẽ giúp bạn trở nên bình tĩnh hơn. Giữ cho không gian làm việc hay nhà riêng gọn gàng, thoải mái, và ánh nắng có thể làm cho bạn cảm thấy tích cực và ít căng thẳng hơn trong cuộc sống hàng ngày.

• Hãy cố gắng gọn gàng tối đa. Bạn sẽ ít nổi nóng nếu bạn có thể dễ dàng tìm thấy mọi thứ mình cần.

Make time for things you love. One reason you might feel angry is that you often feel like you never have time for yourself and are constantly overwhelmed with tasks you don’t enjoy. So, if you like drawing, reading, or running, make time in your daily or weekly schedule to do those things. You will be less likely to get angry because you’ll spend more time doing things you love.

• If you don't feel passionate or inspired by anything, find something that brings you peace.

Remember to eat balanced meals. Many people are familiar with the feeling of being "hangry" (a mix of hunger and anger). Avoid this feeling by eating healthy: include protein-rich foods, fruits, and vegetables in your diet. This will help calm your hunger and prevent low blood sugar. Make sure you start your day with a healthy breakfast to fuel you for the rest of the day.

Get 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Getting enough sleep each night helps you grow both physically and mentally. Lack of sleep can lead to a range of health issues, including losing control over your emotions. Getting adequate rest can help you stay calm during stressful situations.

• If you have trouble sleeping, consult a doctor about dietary or lifestyle changes to improve your sleep. You could also try using sleep aids.

Try to smile as much as possible. When you’re really upset, smiling can feel like a challenge. However, smiling and laughing have been proven to help you balance your emotions, even when you’re angry, as they can change the hormones that trigger your anger. Spending more time smiling each day can help you avoid overreacting and make it easier for you to find humor, even in tough situations.

• Read jokes or find a few friends to cheer you up once your mood stabilizes. You can also try watching a comedy clip.

• Reading a book. Reading can quickly help calm your nerves, especially when you focus on understanding the material you're engaging with.
• Try taking a nap. A brief rest can help alleviate your anger in no time.

• If you feel like you're losing control of your anger, or if you're prone to violent thoughts or actions, seek immediate counseling.