How to Stop Being a Pathological Liar

Pathological lying is a complicated behavior that is often misunderstood. Occasionally telling a few lies doesn’t make you a pathological liar, but if you find yourself unable to stop lying, using lies to manipulate others, or if your habit of lying severely impacts your life, then you might be struggling with pathological lying. Learning how to stop lying can be a tough journey, but seeking help is already a great first step.

You don’t need to lie to impress people. If you ever feel like you're not as good as you’d like to be, you might unconsciously resort to lying to make yourself appear better in the eyes of others. Instead of lying, remind yourself of all the positive qualities you have. These are the things that should be highlighted, not lies that are meant only to impress or win others over temporarily.

• For instance, if you want to impress a colleague by saying you’ve watched her favorite movie, don’t! Be honest if you haven’t seen it. It’s better to tell her about the great movies you’ve seen instead.
• Say something like, “Oh, I haven’t seen that movie. I should check it out!”

Avoid resorting to lies to avoid blame. When you make a mistake, don’t immediately look for a way to justify it. Instead, be honest and acknowledge what you have done. Take responsibility by apologizing and making amends to the best of your ability. This can be difficult and may require effort, but living an honest life and experiencing the peace of mind that comes with it will be a wonderful reward.

• If you hurt someone's feelings, don’t blame them or make excuses like having a bad day. Be sincere and offer a genuine apology.
• Maybe you forgot to water the plants while your roommate was away. Don’t lie and say you watered them, even if they come back to find the plants wilted. Acknowledge your mistake and apologize.
• You might not always be forgiven, but you can earn respect by taking responsibility for your actions.

This is known as lying by omission. When talking to others, don’t leave out details or hide parts of the story that could harm your image. For example, one day you might have dinner with your ex but are afraid your spouse will find out. Don’t say you had dinner with an old friend or omit who you had dinner with. Tell the truth so you can have an honest and open conversation about it.

• This is about taking responsibility for your actions.

Sometimes people lie to avoid conflicts with others. Pleasing others may lead to resentment and distance in the relationship. To build connections based on open communication and trust, be honest when disagreements arise. This will open the door to deeper connections, even though it might be difficult at times.

• For example, if your husband keeps forgetting to put away the laundry, which frustrates you, don’t say you don’t mind just to avoid an argument. Instead, give him a chance to understand your feelings.
• Say something directly but gently, like “I know you’re busy, but could you find a moment tonight to put away the laundry?”

Take time to process your thoughts so you don’t blurt out a lie you can’t control. If you notice that you often lie uncontrollably, pause before engaging in a conversation or answering questions. This gives you time to think of an honest response rather than resorting to lying.

• Next time your boss asks if you’ve completed your task, pause for a moment. Ask yourself, “Have I finished everything they asked me to do?” If not, be honest about it.

Make sure you don’t believe the lies you tell yourself. Sometimes it’s hard to face a harsh truth. Perhaps you can’t save money due to your uncontrollable online shopping habits. Maybe you choose the easier way out by telling yourself everything is fine and you won’t face any problems. To truly find a solution and stop lying to yourself (and others), you must reflect honestly on the things you don’t want to admit.

• Everyone makes mistakes. Looking back honestly at your behavior can help you heal and prevent repeating the same mistakes in the future. Lying will not help you in the long run.

This can help you identify patterns and prevent the behavior. To stop lying, you must first recognize when you do it. Write down every lie you tell throughout the day and reflect on why you said those things. This can help you better understand the underlying motivations behind your lies, whether it's due to insecurity or a desire to please others.

• Reflecting honestly can be very effective in therapy. Consider the journal as a safe space for processing emotions and recognizing ways you can improve.

A therapist or counselor can help you understand the root causes of your lying behavior. There are many factors that can lead to lying, such as low self-esteem, social anxiety, and impulsivity. It’s important to seek professional help to uncover any underlying issues that might be contributing to your lies. Ask your family doctor for a referral or search online for a therapist in your area.

• It might be difficult, but be honest with your therapist or counselor. Their expertise is to help you, and they won’t judge you for your struggles or behaviors.

Pathological lying can also be a symptom of a mental health disorder. These conditions include narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, and borderline personality disorder. If you believe your habitual lying may be a sign of an underlying condition, remember that help is always available. Mental health professionals such as counselors, therapists, or psychiatrists can provide the support you need.

• Symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder include: delusions of superiority, difficulty maintaining healthy relationships, underlying feelings of inferiority, and intense shame.
• Characteristics of antisocial personality disorder include: disregard for right and wrong, engaging in cruel or aggressive behaviors, and unhealthy or abusive relationships.
• Symptoms of borderline personality disorder include: intense fear of abandonment, recurring depression, and sudden mood swings.