Buzz
If you often find yourself constantly flattering women who never seem to make time for you, it might be a sign you're acting like the type of guy who's overly focused on pleasing women, often referred to as a 'simp.' This slang term describes those who go out of their way to pamper a woman in hopes of winning her heart. It's fine to try to impress women to some extent, but going too far can make you seem a bit pathetic. Thankfully, you don't have to behave this way anymore – in this article, we'll show you how to adjust your actions and prioritize yourself, so you’ll never be the guy who dotes on women again.
Steps
Don’t Be Too Eager
You’ll come off as desperate if you drop everything just for a woman. If you're constantly rearranging your schedule whenever a woman wants to hang out, she'll realize that you're putting her on a pedestal. It's fine to plan together, but if you're busy, let her know that you're unavailable.
- For example, if a woman suddenly asks you to hang out but you already have plans with friends, say, 'Oh, I’m busy this afternoon. How about tomorrow instead?'
- In this way, she’ll understand that while you’re still making time for her, you don’t drop everything at her beck and call.
Stop seeking validation from women.
Expecting validation from a woman will make you seem insecure. Confident guys don’t need others’ approval – they know their worth and aren’t concerned about whether someone reciprocates their feelings. Building self-esteem and boosting your confidence is a great way to seek validation from within, not from others.
- A great way to instantly boost your confidence is to write a list of your strengths. Then, review it whenever you're feeling down to remind yourself of your value.
Stop going out of your way to spoil her.
Your constant little gifts and unlimited help may become overwhelming. If you find yourself always volunteering to help a woman or constantly giving her things, and she doesn't reciprocate in the same way, it’s time to cut back. In a healthy relationship, giving and receiving should be balanced: if you help someone, they should be willing to help you in return. Doing something nice occasionally is perfectly fine, but if you're not getting anything back, it’s time for a change.
- Is it okay to buy her a coffee on your way to work? Probably not a big deal, especially if she asks.
- What about going to her house to shovel snow off her walkway during a snowstorm? That might be overboard, and she might even feel a little uncomfortable with it.
Be polite, but don't overdo it.
Treat the woman in your life as an ordinary person, not a fragile object. When you're out with a girl, you might open doors for her or pull out her chair during dinner. However, avoid over-the-top gestures like ordering her food at dinner. These old-fashioned moves work in movies, but in real life, they can make many women feel awkward.
- Pouring her a glass of wine at dinner: totally acceptable and even helpful.
- Throwing your coat over a puddle for her to walk across: that's going too far, and she might even find it strange.
Keep your distance from the girl you're infatuated with.
Step back to break the pattern. If you find yourself obsessing over one (or more) girls who don't seem to care, it's time to let go. Stop following them on social media, stop hanging out with them, and spend more time with people who enjoy your company. The more time you invest in other activities, the less likely you are to fall into old habits.
- If necessary, consider taking a break from social media altogether. This not only helps you distance yourself from the ones you once had a crush on, but it’s also great for your mental health.
Set boundaries for yourself.
Healthy boundaries will keep you from crossing lines in any relationship. If you realize you've been too much of a 'simp,' you can set limits on how often you buy gifts for girls or compliment them online. Setting boundaries and sticking to them will help prevent you from being taken advantage of in future relationships. You could also try setting limits like:
- Splitting the bill when going out with a girl.
- Not dropping everything to hang out with a girl.
- Not responding to her messages if she doesn't reply.
Prioritize your friends and family.
Spend time with the people who care about you. Romantic relationships come and go, but your loved ones will always be there for you. Try not to let romantic entanglements affect your life too much: you can still enjoy love, but don’t forget your other friends.
- And don’t abandon your hobbies either!
Work on improving yourself.
Remember that you can still be happy even without dating. It might seem like everyone around you is in a relationship right now, but if you haven’t found someone yet, that’s perfectly okay! You can still enjoy life at your own pace, and have fun doing what you love.
- It may seem paradoxical, but when you stop searching for love, you might actually find it more easily.
- Focus on your passions and find what excites you! You’ll become a more well-rounded person, and as a result, you’ll be happier.
Don't listen to pickup artist advice.
The advice from these individuals rarely works. These days, there are countless so-called masters of seduction offering tips on how to win over a woman. However, their tactics often treat women as objects or damsels in distress. If you're looking for a girlfriend, it's better to seek advice from your friends, not from someone teaching you how to act to approach women.
- Remember, the best way to connect genuinely with someone is to show your true self.
Get to know your date on a deeper level.
When you meet a girl you really like, ask questions about her. Keep in mind that not all women are the same: your future partner will have different interests, goals, and dreams compared to others. Focus on getting to know the people you like rather than trying to impress them – this approach will make you more successful.
- Good questions include “What did you want to be when you were a kid?” “Where do you see yourself in five years?” “What do you enjoy doing on weekends?”
- Also, share about yourself! The girl you're dating will want to know more about you to see if you’re compatible.
Find someone who truly likes you.
In healthy relationships, both partners are happy to be together. Try not to fall for people who repeatedly push you aside or take advantage of your help. Look for someone who likes you for who you are and doesn’t try to change you.
- Strive for balance in giving and receiving in a relationship. If you find yourself constantly buying gifts, helping her out, and always texting first, it might be time to let go.
