How to Stop Being Toxic in Your Relationships and Life

Reflect on your actions and habits. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time; it's part of being human! But if toxic behaviors become a regular part of your life, it can harm your reputation and damage your relationships. To grow, it's important to reflect on how your words and actions affect those around you.

• Write down some of the recent behaviors you've noticed in yourself. You could also ask someone close to you, like a friend or family member, for their perspective.
• For instance, if you're often interrupting others, you might say, "I’ve realized I talk over people sometimes. Does it affect you negatively?"
• Make sure to listen carefully by maintaining eye contact, offering small verbal affirmations, and asking meaningful questions when appropriate.
• The feedback you receive can help guide you in making improvements. You might say, "I understand how that could upset you. I apologize for interrupting. In the future, I'll wait a few moments before jumping into the conversation."

Address the external factors affecting your behavior. Often, our actions are influenced by the people and circumstances around us. If you grew up with someone who displayed manipulative behavior, you might have learned to mimic that. Or if you experienced bullying, your need to criticize others could stem from low self-esteem. Understanding the root causes of your toxic behaviors is essential for addressing them effectively.

• Talk to someone you trust or consider seeking support from a mental health professional, especially if your toxic habits are linked to an emotionally abusive environment.

Embrace openness and honesty. Changing harmful behaviors is a process, and clear communication plays a crucial role. Be upfront about where you are in your journey, and don’t hesitate to share the areas where you're struggling. It's unlikely that everything will change overnight, but showing your commitment to growth will help your loved ones understand the process and support you.

• When expressing your needs, use "I" statements like "I need," "I want," and "I feel."
• Be willing to compromise if someone is unable to meet your needs right away. Together, you can work toward a solution that makes both of you comfortable.

Practice compassion and empathy—for yourself and others. Whether you're facing a difficult day or someone else is, there's no need to add more negativity to the situation. Negative thoughts can be automatic, like "I’m not good enough" or "I’ll never be happy." Instead of falling into a cycle of negativity, take a moment to pause. Remember, everyone is doing the best they can—including you.

• Demonstrating empathy is key in these moments, as it helps you understand others' emotions and respond with sensitivity.
• Reader Poll: We asked 1137 Mytour readers about their biggest challenge in forgiving themselves, and 67% said letting go of guilt after hurting someone. [Take Poll]

Own up to your mistakes. Admitting you're wrong doesn’t mean you're weak or less intelligent. Taking responsibility for your actions is a sign of personal strength and growth. An apology is necessary when being "right" disregards someone else’s feelings or experience.

• For instance, imagine you go out to dinner with friends without informing your partner. You return home late, and they're worried about where you’ve been.
• Instead of brushing off their feelings, apologize and acknowledge their concern. Then, find a way to improve your communication moving forward.

Show gratitude through words or actions. Take a moment to pause before venting about your frustrations. Everyone faces challenges, but allowing small inconveniences to dictate your mood drains you—and those around you. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your day.

• Express gratitude for the simple things, like getting out of bed or surprising a loved one with flowers. A small gesture can brighten someone's day.
• By incorporating gratitude into your daily routine, you may begin to feel more positive, boost your mental health, and nurture stronger relationships.

Develop effective ways to cope with stress. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated, but how you manage these emotions impacts both your relationship with yourself and others. Instead of resorting to yelling or belittling others, try physical activity as a way to release tension and stress.

• Aerobic exercises like walking or cycling can help reduce anxiety by calming your body's stress response system.
• Healthy coping methods don’t have to involve exercise. Simple activities like journaling or organizing your tasks can also be helpful.

Practice self-kindness. Showing compassion to yourself can be difficult, especially when you realize the hurt you've caused others. However, you can’t extend kindness to others if you don’t first show it to yourself. When you're feeling low, take a moment to sit quietly and reflect on your progress and what you’ve accomplished. Celebrate the small wins, like a positive conversation with a loved one.

• Everyone makes mistakes—it’s part of being human! What matters is that you keep trying to improve.

Build a solid support network. When you're facing challenges, turn to friends, family, or a significant other for support. Don’t bottle up your worries and frustrations; share them with those you trust.

• Surround yourself with people who genuinely want to see you grow and succeed. Being around negative individuals will only reinforce toxic habits.
• Your loved ones might offer advice. While you don’t have to follow it, stay open to suggestions—you never know when their perspective may be just what you need!

Request feedback from those close to you. It can be difficult to spot toxic traits when you're in the middle of displaying them—that's where feedback from others becomes invaluable. If you're ever uncertain about whether a behavior is toxic, don't hesitate to ask. For example, if you tend to dominate conversations, take a step back and say, "I'm sorry, I’ve noticed I’ve been talking a lot. Is this something I do often?"

• In this instance, you're practicing self-awareness and addressing a potential toxic behavior. By asking for feedback, you’re giving the other person the chance to speak up in a way that makes them feel comfortable.

Consult a mental health expert for support. If toxic behaviors persist despite your best efforts, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can guide you in reflecting on your actions and identifying what triggers them. For example, if you grew up in an environment where your voice was unheard, you may have developed the habit of speaking over others. A licensed therapist can help you transform these unhealthy habits into positive ones.

Toxic behaviors create negativity and can cause emotional or physical harm. While everyone has a toxic moment now and then, like making a rude joke or feeling down after a tough day, a behavior is considered toxic when it’s a persistent pattern that brings harm to yourself or others. Examples of toxic traits include the following:

• Manipulation: This involves controlling actions or gaslighting, making others feel guilty for things they didn’t do.
• Narcissism: If you know someone who constantly makes everything about them, that’s a narcissistic trait. They will consistently put their needs above anyone else’s.
• Inconsistency: Toxic people often change their attitudes, behavior, or perspectives based on the situation or their personal goals, manipulating circumstances to benefit themselves.
• Criticism: Toxic individuals frequently make others feel inadequate, no matter how hard they try.
• Refusal to apologize: Toxic people often refuse to take responsibility for their actions, even after they’ve hurt others or been judged for their behavior.