Buzz
Crying is a natural instinct. It is one of the first actions of infants, and humans will continue to do so throughout their lives. Crying can help you express your emotions to others, and some studies even suggest that it signals the need for support from those around you. It may also be a reaction to emotions or behaviors triggered by something you see, hear, or think about. Sometimes, you may feel that you need to cry to let out your feelings. This is completely natural and normal and may provide relief. However, excessive crying can cause physical stress, increase heart rate and breathing. It's understandable to want to stop crying when you're feeling down. Fortunately, there are several strategies you can use to help stop the tears.
Steps to Take
Address the Root Cause of Your Tears
Try Deep Breathing Techniques to Calm Yourself. This may be challenging when you're sobbing, but make an effort to practice deep breathing (through your nose if possible), hold your breath for 7 counts, and then slowly exhale for 8 counts. Repeat this process 5 times. If you've been crying a lot, you may experience shortness of breath, which can be alarming, especially if you suffer from anxiety. It’s helpful to perform this deep breathing exercise several times a day or when you're feeling stressed.
- Deep, steady breathing helps you regain control of your breath, lowers heart rate, improves circulation, and alleviates stress.
Identify Negative or Sad Thoughts. Sometimes, you may find yourself crying simply because you're overwhelmed by sad or negative thoughts. You might think of something like, 'He has left me forever,' or 'I have no one.' In moments like this, recognizing these harmful thoughts might make things feel worse, but it’s the first step toward regaining control over your mind and tears.
- If you can't do this in the moment, try reflecting on these thoughts later when you’ve stopped crying.
Write Down What Makes You Feel Sad. If you're too upset to write full sentences, you can write anything, scribble, or even jot down messy thoughts. You just need to list random sentences, write a single word in large letters, or fill a page with words that express your emotions. The goal is to get your feelings and thoughts onto paper, helping clear your mind. Later, you can review and discuss them when you're feeling calmer.
- For example, you might write something simple like, 'It's so heavy,' 'Painful, betrayed, hurt.' Writing about what's troubling you could also help you open a conversation with the person who’s causing you pain.
Physically Distract Yourself. To break the cycle of negative thinking, try distracting yourself by tensing your muscles or holding a stone in your hand or pressing it against your neck. Ideally, you want to shift your focus away from your thoughts long enough to regain a sense of calm.
- You can also use music as a distraction. Sway your body to focus on yourself and soothe your body. Singing along with the song can help you regain control of your breath and focus on something else.
- Go for a walk. Changing your surroundings during a walk can help stop the negative thoughts. Physical activity also helps regulate your breathing and heart rate.
Change Your Posture. Your facial expression and body posture can influence your mood. If you notice yourself frowning or slouching in a defeated position, it will make you feel more negative. If possible, try to change that. Stand tall and place your hands on your hips or try the 'lion face-lemon face' technique. This involves making a fierce lion face, followed by a face like you’re eating a sour lemon.
- Changing your posture can break the crying cycle long enough for you to calm down.
Practice Progressive Muscle Relaxation. This method involves tensing and releasing different parts of your body. Start by tensing your muscles as much as you can for about 5 seconds while inhaling deeply. Then quickly release the tension as you exhale. Move on to relax your facial muscles, followed by your neck, chest, hands, and eventually your feet.
- Regularly practicing this technique helps prevent built-up tension.
- This exercise makes you more aware of areas that hold tension when you're crying too much.
Remember, 'This is just a temporary issue.' Although moments like these may feel endless, it's important to remember that everything will eventually pass and not last forever. This perspective can help you cultivate a more optimistic outlook.
- Splash cold water on your face. The chill from the water can help you stop focusing on the sad moment for a few minutes, allowing you to regain control over your breathing. Cold water is also helpful for dealing with swelling (like swollen eyes) that might occur after you've cried excessively.
Consider and Prevent Crying
Ask yourself if crying is becoming an issue for you. Do you feel like you're crying too much? While this is a subjective number, on average, women cry 5.3 times a month and men cry 1.3 times, but this can range from tearful moments to full-blown sobbing. However, you don't necessarily need to measure this by numbers, especially when you're crying due to emotional life events, like a breakup, the death of a loved one, or other major occurrences. If crying is becoming out of control and impacting your personal or professional life, you need to address the issue.
- You may feel overwhelmed and caught in a whirlwind of sad and negative thoughts during the peak of these emotions.
Reflect on why you're crying. If something in your life is causing stress or anxiety, you may cry more often. For example, if you're mourning the loss of a loved one or the end of a relationship, crying is a completely natural and understandable response. However, sometimes life becomes too overwhelming, and you may find yourself crying without even knowing why.
- In this case, crying excessively could be a sign of a more serious underlying issue such as depression or anxiety. If you cry often without clear reasons, feel sad, hopeless, irritable, in pain, have difficulty eating or sleeping, or even have thoughts of suicide, you might be dealing with depression. It's important to seek professional help for treatment options.
Identify the triggers for your crying. Try to recognize the situations that make you want to cry and write them down. When does this happen? Are there specific days, situations, or circumstances that lead to intense crying? Is there something that triggers this process?
- For example, if listening to a particular band reminds you of your ex, you should remove their songs from your playlist and avoid music that brings up memories of that person. The same goes for images, scents, places, etc. If you want to avoid facing reminders of this sadness, feel free to distance yourself from them for a while.
Keep a Journal. Write about any negative thought you have and ask yourself whether they are justified. Likewise, consider if your beliefs are realistic and grounded. Be kind to yourself during this process. A helpful method to achieve this is by listing any accomplishments or things that bring you happiness. Think of your journal as a gratitude log.
- Try reading your journal every day. When you feel the urge to cry, revisit what you've written and remind yourself of the things that bring you joy.
Self-Assessment. Ask yourself, “How do I deal with conflict?”. Do you often respond with anger? Tears? Do you ignore it? If you let conflicts accumulate by avoiding them, you might end up crying about it later. Understanding how you react to conflicts will help you identify the most effective coping mechanisms.
- Don’t forget to ask yourself, “Who’s in control?”. You should aim to regain control over your life to influence the outcome. For example, instead of saying, "That teacher is awful, and I failed because of them," acknowledge that you didn’t study well enough, and that’s why you got a poor grade. Next time, focus on studying and accept the results.
Understand how your thoughts influence your emotions and behaviors. If you consistently think negatively, you may be fostering unhealthy emotions. You might even revisit negative and sad memories from the past, and this is why you can't stop crying. Such thinking patterns can lead to harmful behaviors, including prolonged crying. Once you are aware of how your thoughts affect you, you can start changing them to create a more positive environment.
- For instance, if you keep thinking, "I'm not good enough," you will begin feeling hopeless or insecure. You should learn how to stop this thinking process before it harms your emotional well-being.
Seek Help. You can talk to close friends or family about what’s troubling you. Call them or ask if they have time to grab a coffee with you. If you feel like you can't talk to anyone, consider calling the Youth Helpline (1900 599 830).
- If you notice you're crying more frequently and need help, a counselor may assist you. They will create a plan to help you regain control of your thoughts and cope with them appropriately.
Understand the process of professional therapy. You may seek advice from your doctor, check the phone directory, or ask friends for recommendations for a suitable therapist. The counselor or therapist will begin by asking why you need therapy. You could say something like, “I find myself crying often, and I want to understand why this is happening and how to manage it.” Alternatively, simply say, “I’m feeling sad.” The therapist will ask further questions about your experience and medical history.
- The therapist will discuss treatment goals with you and develop a plan to help you achieve them.
Advice
- When you feel the urge to cry, ask yourself, “Should I cry? Am I in a situation where it’s completely okay to cry?”. Sometimes, crying can be beneficial and help you feel lighter, but it might not always be the right action in every situation.
- To stop yourself from crying in public, raise your eyebrows as high as possible, as if you're surprised. This can prevent the tears from falling. Yawning or chewing ice can also be quite helpful.
- Crying too much can dehydrate you and cause a headache. After relaxing, make sure to drink a glass of water to rehydrate.
- If you need to calm down, dampen a washcloth with warm water and place it on your neck. Once you’re fully calm, dip the cloth in cold water and place it on your eyes or forehead to help you fall asleep and feel better.
- Crying is a natural way to release emotions. Find a place where you can be alone and regain your composure.
- Sometimes, talking to a stranger about what’s bothering you can be easier. You should share with someone who can offer you a fresh perspective.
- Talk to yourself in a soft, relaxed tone.
- Hug your pet. Animals won’t offer advice, but they won’t judge you either.
- Keep writing about your thoughts. When you have negative thoughts, ask yourself probing questions to evaluate them. Take steps to regain control of your thoughts.
- Sometimes, the best thing you can do is cry. You can't hold it in forever. You need to cry to release all your burdens before your emotions “explode”. Cry with family, friends, or someone close to you to feel more at ease.
- Tell yourself that you will be okay no matter what happens, and remember that people are always ready to help you.
- Share your worries with someone who knows how to listen.
