Buzz
Do you find yourself snapping at your boyfriend or feeling irritated with him, often without a clear reason? It's common to experience frustration with your partner now and then, but when those feelings accumulate, they can start to affect the overall harmony of your relationship. Thankfully, by engaging in calming practices and understanding the underlying cause of your frustration, you can stop being upset with your boyfriend and enjoy each other's company again. Continue reading this article for a complete list of strategies to improve your mood and strengthen your relationship.
This article is based on an interview with clinical psychologist, William Gardner, PsyD. Read the full interview here.
Steps
Take a moment to cool off.
Strong emotions can cloud your perspective. If you’re upset or angry in the moment, having a constructive conversation with your boyfriend is unlikely. Engage in relaxing activities and clear your mind before addressing what's bothering you.
- Try taking a deep breath, hold it for 10 seconds, and then exhale slowly.
- Or, repeat a calming mantra to yourself, like, “I am calm, I am peaceful, I am composed.”
- Consider journaling to record exactly why you feel so angry.
- Remember to choose flight over fight. Step away to calm yourself, and avoid reacting in a way you might later regret.
Identify your triggers.
Recognize what sets you off to prevent an emotional outburst. By identifying anger before it spirals, you can better understand why it's happening and how to stop it. If you feel yourself getting really angry, reflect on what just happened and jot it down. The next time this trigger arises, you'll be able to spot it early and avoid getting upset.
- A trigger could be when your boyfriend makes plans but fails to follow through with them.
- It might also happen when you reach out to your boyfriend, but he doesn't reciprocate.
- If you're struggling to pinpoint what exactly makes you upset, try writing down your thoughts to help you process them.
Look deeper into your core emotions.
Anger or frustration often mask our true feelings. When you're feeling upset, pause for a moment and reflect on what’s actually bothering you. By doing so, you'll likely uncover the deeper emotion behind the anger, which you can address, either by yourself or with your partner.
- If you're furious with your boyfriend for not doing the dishes, it might stem from feeling overwhelmed with household tasks or feeling taken for granted.
- If your boyfriend's tardiness is upsetting you, it could be because you feel disrespected or like your time doesn’t matter as much as his.
Shift your mindset by replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.
Anger can cloud your thinking with irrational thoughts. When we're angry, our minds often race with thoughts like, “My boyfriend is so annoying,” or, “My boyfriend probably hates me.” Combat these negative thoughts by replacing them with calm, logical ones, such as:
- “My boyfriend and I share a loving and respectful relationship.”
- “I just need to express my feelings, and we can resolve our issues together.”
Own up to your emotions.
It’s not always your boyfriend’s fault when you’re upset. While it's important to bring up your concerns with him, it could also mean that you need to adjust your own actions, not necessarily his. Take a moment to reflect on your feelings—if they aren’t completely justified, acknowledge that.
- For example, if you’re annoyed by your boyfriend’s loud music, maybe buying earplugs or stepping out for a bit could help.
- If you get frustrated when he doesn't text you right away, perhaps it’s time to reconsider how often you expect to communicate.
Lighten the mood with humor.
If you're feeling angry, humor can help you unwind. Not every situation can be resolved with a joke, but sometimes a lighthearted remark can ease tension. If you’re upset with your boyfriend but want to let go of that anger, try cracking a joke, either poking fun at yourself or something around you.
- For instance, if you yelled at your boyfriend over something trivial, you might laugh and say, “Wow, that was a bit of an overreaction, huh?”
Address any deeper issues.
Talk it out with your boyfriend to clear the air. Once you’ve identified what’s bothering you, it’s time to have a conversation. Ask your boyfriend to sit down with you so you both can openly talk and feel better.
- Avoid holding onto grudges. Allowing things to simmer inside will only make you feel worse.
- Start the conversation with something like, “Hey, could we talk for a minute? There’s something that happened recently that I’d like to discuss.”
- Approach the conversation with love and calmness.
- Even if a difficult or disappointing situation feels tough initially, handling it with open communication can bring both of you closer together.
- Reader Poll: We asked 243 Mytour readers what positive result of disappointment would make them feel better, and 48% of them agreed on strengthening a relationship through honest communication. [Take Poll] Talking through the situation can help, even if things don’t improve right away.
Let go of your need to always be right.
Set your ego aside for a more productive conversation. When there’s a problem, we often feel like we’re right. While your point of view might be valid, it’s important to stay open-minded and listen to your boyfriend’s side too. Giving up the need to be right increases the chances of solving the issue together.
- Think of it as you and your boyfriend versus the problem, not you versus your boyfriend.
Hear your boyfriend out and stay open to him.
Listen to his perspective to gain insight. Your boyfriend might have a different way of viewing things that you hadn't considered. Allow him to speak without interruption, and feel free to ask for clarification if something is unclear.
- Try questions such as, “Can you explain that a bit more?” or, “I don’t fully understand, would you mind going into more detail?”
State what you’d like to happen.
Bring a solution to the table to help resolve the issue. Share your idea with your boyfriend and see how he responds. If you propose a solution alongside the problem, it increases the likelihood of finding a resolution that works for both of you.
- For example, if you’re handling most of the household chores, you might suggest creating a chore chart that you share equally.
- If you’d like to spend more time with your boyfriend, perhaps propose setting aside specific days for date nights.
Collaborate to find a resolution.
Find common ground with your boyfriend to ensure both of you are happy. Make sure your boyfriend agrees with the solution you come up with. You may need to compromise (and he might too) to make sure both of you are content with the result.
- For example, if you want your boyfriend to text you while he’s out, but he prefers putting his phone away, suggest that he send you a quick message to let you know when he’s coming home.
- If you’d love to hang out every day but your boyfriend needs some alone time, propose seeing each other every other day instead.
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Start QuizDiscover More QuizzesLove your boyfriend for who he is.
Trying to change your partner will only bring disappointment. While your boyfriend may undergo some minor changes, his core personality and habits will largely stay the same. Focus on accepting him as he is, and avoid attempting to change him, as this can breed resentment.
- If you find yourself wanting to change many aspects of your boyfriend, it might be time to reassess the relationship.
