How to Stop Living Too Strictly

Being strict with everything can be a valuable trait that shows you are serious, thoughtful, and diligent. However, being too strict can lead to unnecessary stress and worry about trivial matters. By understanding why we tend to live so strictly and learning how to bring humor and lightness into life, you can stop taking things too seriously and spend more time enjoying life.

Use lists to evaluate situations objectively. Detach yourself from a strict attitude by asking a few questions that help you prioritize properly. When you feel the seriousness starting to rise inside, ask yourself the following questions:

• Is this really worth getting upset over?
• Is this worth making someone else uncomfortable?
• Is this truly important?
• Is this situation really too bad to begin?
• Is this situation truly irreparable?
• Is this really the core issue you're facing?

Understand others' intentions with generosity. People with a strict disposition may find it difficult to recognize simple or playful gestures. You might quickly jump to conclusions about what someone intends to say or do. For instance, if someone points out a stain on your shirt, you may interpret it as a comment on your inability to keep yourself neat. Suddenly, a helpful remark becomes an insult.

• Try to explore alternative meanings behind actions beyond your immediate reaction, assuming the person harbors no ill intent. Consider that most people don't have malicious motives—they are simply saying exactly what they mean without hidden agendas.

Observe the humor around you. Being able to find humor in life is just as important as adopting a more practical, closed-off perspective. When you think, 'I'm too mature for this,' or 'Does anyone really find this funny?' try to uncover a part of yourself that can enjoy it—even if it means seeing things from someone else's shoes.

• Research shows that two key qualities in great leaders are a strong work ethic and a sense of humor. Test the idea that you can work hard and stay committed without constantly being serious. Work hard, play hard—right?

Build adaptability. Because you never know where life will take you or why, canceled plans and unaccomplished goals can signal that something unexpected is about to unfold. We all know the old saying that life is a journey, not a destination. So, take time to relax and unwind because the unplanned, uncertain moments often bring surprises and insights you never thought you needed to find yourself.

• Try to reimagine your top priority as a set of potential limits on your journey. In this way, goals aren’t simply an end in themselves (which indicates a serious, limited vision of them). Instead, some goals serve merely as moments that inspire you to seize the opportunities life offers.

Break the routine occasionally. When you veer off the beaten path and let unplanned things disrupt your usual routines, you become increasingly comfortable with life's unpredictability. Furthermore, you gain more experiences with the benefits of unanticipated progress, such as meeting some fun new friends at a bar you decided to check out.

• Even small detours from your usual habits, like a new route to work, can remind you to pause and focus on things you typically overlook. Even a minor change can distract you from worries that make you overly serious, allowing you to focus on the present moment.

Learn methods to cope with stress. When under stress, you’re likely to view everything with a harsher perspective; stress occurs when your body is primed to react intensely. This creates a cycle of stress, where magnifying the problem leads to even stronger reactions, reinforcing the tension. It’s important to adopt mental and physical practices to relieve stress. Here are a few examples:

• Make long-term lifestyle changes such as improving diet and exercise habits
• Create a to-do list
• Reduce negative self-talk
• Practice muscle relaxation regularly
• Learn mindfulness and meditation techniques

Express yourself through movement. Relaxing your body—quite literally—will make it easier to approach life with a light-hearted attitude. There are many movement-based arts that can relieve some of the bodily tension that often accompanies a rigid mind. Depending on your preferences, you might want to try dancing, yoga, aerobics, or expressive arts like improv comedy or basic acting.

• Taking a class in any of these areas may be more beneficial than trying to teach yourself, as the presence of others can provide more encouragement than learning alone.

Incorporate music into your life. Listening to music regularly can be a great way to shift your mood, as it has the power to enhance certain emotions. This means that if you’re striving for peace and want to focus on life’s joyful aspects, listening to upbeat music can bring those brighter elements into clearer focus.

• Try listening to fast-paced music in a major key. Any genre works as long as it makes you feel comfortable and at ease.

Look for opportunities to laugh. Consciously helping yourself to laugh more will remind you of how much humor you can find in any situation. Here are some simple ways to bring more laughter into your life:

• Watch a funny movie or TV show
• Visit a comedy club
• Read the comic strip in the newspaper
• Share a funny story
• Host a game night with friends
• Play with pets (if you have any)
• Attend a 'laughter yoga' class
• Play with children
• Engage in fun activities like bowling, mini-golf, or karaoke

Make jokes to counter minor frustrations. There will always be minor inconveniences in your way, but you have the choice to turn them into jokes. If you don't think there's anything funny in the moment, try laughing about something as simple as finding a hair in your soup—laugh at the small thing that has the power to derail your plans (or make you whisper to the waiter...).

• You could end up with worse situations, like blaming yourself for a malfunctioning printer, or you could joke about how you're still using an ancient inkjet printer from the '90s.
• Try deliberately making a mountain out of a molehill, just to see how absurd it is when you do something ridiculously trivial. Yell about a broken nail or dropping 25 cents into the oven like it's the end of the world. This way, you'll get an outsider's perspective on how you react when you’re actually serious.

Immerse yourself in lively and uplifting folk songs. Perhaps the easiest way to avoid taking life too seriously is to surround yourself with a cheerful, optimistic group of people whose presence naturally dissolves the seriousness in you. Pay attention to the friends you already have and the new people you meet who seem to smile easily and encourage you to do the same.

• Even when you’re not with them, imagine how they would approach the latest problem in a lighter way. How would they respond to the same issue?
• Additionally, shared laughter is a powerful way to keep relationships strong. Smiling with others builds similar bonds of shared emotions, but with added joy and liveliness.

Reflect on the pursuit of perfection. Sometimes, the tendency to be overly serious stems from the desire to live in a very specific way. For example, you might be focused on maintaining a healthy diet, following a gluten-free regime, and preparing superfoods for yourself. It’s likely that if someone offers you some cake on your birthday, you’ll become stiff, uncomfortable, and give a long explanation about your dietary choices. Imagine what the person who gave you the cake is thinking: 'It’s just a piece of cake. What’s the big deal?'

• While certain goals are great, pursuing them with such enthusiasm can make small failures feel like major setbacks, causing you to blow them out of proportion as time goes on.
• Research shows that perfectionism is linked with lower success and effectiveness because it often leads to procrastination.

Consider whether you are trying to prove yourself. Strictness can sometimes arise when we perceive everything as proof of our abilities and value as individuals. Remember, the student who completes a small assignment is just as important as the one taking a final exam. Even a few signs of bad grades don’t mean someone is a failure or on their way to flunking out.

• When everything feels like a reflection of your worth, even mundane tasks or chores become moments where you feel you need to prove yourself.
• Also, consider whether the pressure you feel is difficult for you to handle. Whether at work or home, we are often asked to put our best foot forward, giving our strengths in areas where all aspects of life are connected. As a result, we become reluctant to show any signs of uncertainty or emotional reactions to stress.
• This may also be evident if you have high expectations of yourself, or if others in your life have seen you achieve great things. Are you trying to maintain a reputation as the go-getter who does it all and works tirelessly?

Consider how our culture rewards goal-oriented behavior. The capitalist society’s strong focus on efficiency and productivity often places high value on setting and achieving goals. It’s easy to overlook the fact that this is merely a strategy that works particularly well for business. When applied to all areas of life, we may convince ourselves that we know exactly what we need to do and how to get it done.

• While cultural results can be great, being aware of where this mindset originates can help you use it more responsibly rather than feeling forced to adhere to it.
• This mindset can severely limit your ability to become the best student in the world and to embrace whatever life throws at you with ease and joy in discovering its delightful surprises.

Be aware when strictness turns into defense. The primary source of strictness is often a heightened sense of danger. In such moments, you can't relax or view things lightly if you're constantly assuming that you need to protect yourself from potential threats. Try to reduce the level of strictness by focusing on the positive aspects of what you encounter and consider how these new experiences might benefit you.

• Many people are encouraged to develop an overly cautious conscience by their parents. Even with good intentions, constant warnings about potential dangers and the importance of being careful can lead you to focus on the serious and threatening side of everything.

Learn about the effects of overemphasis. One major downside of maintaining a strict attitude all the time is the severe limitation it places on opportunities and creative thinking. The excessive focus on strictness narrows the understanding of what time is truly valuable and what is not. When you ignore things that attract or make you feel good in countless ways, you risk losing some of your natural ability to broaden your perspective.

• Ironically, being too strict can also make you less productive by causing unnecessary worry about a specific issue. If we walk around thinking the sky will fall if, say, dinner isn’t ready by 7 pm, we rush through it and neglect the joy of cooking, which truly inspires us and allows us to create exciting and unique dishes.
• Strictness can also affect your relationships with others, making you seem judgmental and critical of what’s around you. You may love someone's laughter, but a strict attitude forces you to acknowledge that a beautiful smile won’t pay the medical bills if someone gets hurt.