Buzz
We often hear the saying, 'The further away, the more you miss.' But when the distance becomes too great, the heart can grow cold. If you're secretly in love with someone, yet they don't share the same feelings, it can be tough to let go. This often leads to a never-ending cycle of pain. Forgetting unrequited love is not easy, but there are effective ways to help you gradually move on and eventually find someone better suited for you.
Steps
Keep your distance from the person you like
Keep your distance from them. One of the most effective ways to forget someone you like is by creating distance. Minimize any contact or situations that might bring you into close proximity with them, allowing you to let go without prolonged attachments that might increase your sadness or affection. At first, maintaining distance can be difficult, but eventually, things will get better, and you will forget them more easily and quickly.
Delete their contact information and messages from your phone. To ensure that you no longer have any contact with them, you should erase all their contact details from your phone. Additionally, consider deleting any messages from them (if there are any). Deleting all this information not only prevents you from reaching out to them in a moment of weakness, but also helps you stop being reminded of their presence.
- If you're not ready to delete everything about them, consider writing the information down and storing it somewhere safe so that you don't have to see it every day.
- Save their emails or messages if you're not yet ready to erase everything about them.
- Remember, even if you delete all their information, they may still have your number. If they reach out to you, either don't respond or reply briefly and politely.
Unfollow them on social media. With the increasing number of social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, the ease of staying connected with others, even those you don't necessarily need to stay in touch with, has grown. By removing the presence of the person you have unrequited feelings for from your social media accounts, you can limit your interactions with them.
- If you're worried about hurting them or making them curious by unfollowing or removing them from your social media accounts, you can find more subtle ways to do so without them knowing. For instance, on Facebook, you can simply unfollow their posts to ensure you no longer get updates from them.
Stop talking about them and don't allow yourself to think about them. When you're infatuated with someone, it's natural to talk about them and think about them constantly. However, this will only make you fall for them even more. Make a conscious effort to avoid mentioning them in conversations and redirect your thoughts when they cross your mind. Soon enough, you'll be able to forget them.
- It can be difficult not to bring them up in conversation, especially if you share many mutual friends, so you need to try not to talk about them or ask about them too often. You might even want to walk away from conversations that revolve around them.
- If you need to talk about them to work through your thoughts and emotions, feel free to do so, but don't make it a habitual part of your conversations.
Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Clinical Psychologist
Try to make a mental list of five things that you know would be a better use of your mental energy. Every time you find yourself thinking about the person you have feelings for, redirect your thoughts to something from that list.
Ask your friends not to mention them. If your friends are aware of your feelings for that special someone, they might occasionally bring them up. This will only remind you of them and hinder your efforts to move on. Therefore, if possible, ask your friends not to mention them or share any updates about them.
- There may be situations where the name of your crush comes up frequently, especially in a group with many mutual friends. To move on more quickly, consider stepping away from the group until the conversation shifts to a new topic.
Avoid places where they and their friends frequent. You and your crush may share common interests, including mutual friends, school, work, or favorite spots. Try to limit situations where you might run into them.
- If you're in the same class or work together, avoid sitting near them. If they're seated next to you, try changing seats or find a way to keep the moment to yourself. Don't make eye contact, as it could lead to awkwardness or an unwanted conversation.
- For example, if you both like a particular restaurant, consider finding another place to dine.
Eliminate all traces of them. Removing anything that reminds you of them will help you get through this difficult phase. You should get rid of everything, from phone data, social media, photos, to keepsakes around the house.
- You can either gradually phase out their presence or remove everything all at once. It's easier mentally to gradually eliminate reminders, but if you prefer, doing it all in one go might help you forget them faster.
- Delete their emails, throw away any letters, postcards, or gifts from them. Keeping these items will only make it harder to move on.
- Delete any pictures that you both took together.
Allow yourself to feel sad, but don’t lose your rationality. Forgetting someone you're infatuated with is a painful process, and it's normal to feel heartbroken about the relationship that never was. However, it's important not to become angry with them during this time. Just as you can't control your feelings for them, they can't control how their heart feels about you.
- Recognize that the person you're secretly in love with has had an impact on your life. Even if there's no romantic relationship, you can still be friends with them. You may feel sadness over the loss, but eventually, you'll be okay.
- Don't be angry with them. They may not even know about your feelings, or they could be in a situation where they can't return your affections. Don't be mad at them for something they have little control over.
- There are many reasons you may need to move on. Perhaps they're already in a relationship, married, or just not right for you. You might also realize that you and they would never be a good match, even though you have romantic feelings for them. These are things you can't control, and if that's the case, you can't be angry at them.
- If you're going through an extremely tough time, counselors are always available to help.
Remember this: You will find someone else. There are countless other people out there for you, and the person you're infatuated with isn't the only one who could be right for you. You will meet someone who suits you better and quickly move on from the past. The more open you are, the faster you'll find 'the one.'
- Focusing on their flaws can help you move on and might even lead you to find someone else who is a better match.
Distract Yourself
Lean on your support system. Trying to forget this important person on your own may not work. Now is the perfect time to rely on – or even reconnect with – your family and friends. Whether it’s confiding your feelings or distracting yourself with fun activities, these sources of support can help you quickly move on from the sadness.
- Friends and family will prevent you from sinking into despair. They can offer you great entertainment by doing enjoyable things that have nothing to do with your crush.
Focus on other interests. During this period, you should focus more on yourself. This will help you realize that your feelings for this person are fading.
- For instance, you could start exercising or try something beneficial for your health, like yoga. It will help you redirect your mind from thinking about them. Alternatively, consider enrolling in a class that could benefit your career.
- Whatever you choose to do, ensure that it makes you feel good about yourself.
Explore new fields. This is a great time to try new activities, which can help you divert your emotional energy. By engaging in busy activities and distancing yourself from your crush, you will find it easier to move on.
- For example, maybe you've always wanted to try rock climbing. Start now. This new activity will require lots of practice, leaving you with less time to dwell on your heartbreak.
Meet new people. Going out and meeting complete strangers is a great way to distract yourself from your feelings for that person. You may discover that you have a great time with new friends and acquaintances, something you never had with your 'crush.'
- There are many ways to meet new people, such as joining a running group or visiting a new spot during 'golden hours.' Group activities are an excellent way to meet others and shift your attention away from your unspoken feelings.
Consider flirting or dating someone else. You might not be ready to fully commit to someone, but casually flirting or dating other people could help you move on from the person you once had unrequited feelings for. It can boost your confidence and help distract you from your emotions toward them.
- A little harmless flirting can help you build confidence and remind you that there are other people you can interact with. Just keep things lighthearted and fun.
Advice
- Avoid being rude to the person. If they politely greet you, respond kindly. Just don't let things go too far.
- Allow yourself to cry when you're feeling down. You will find someone else.
- Don't get angry at them or treat them like an enemy. They can't control their feelings just as you can't control yours. So, never intentionally hurt someone else.
- Be more patient with yourself. Sometimes, we need time to get over someone.
- Realize they’re not perfect, even though you once believed they were. Try to remind yourself of their flaws. Focusing on their negative traits may help you move on. For example, if your crush has bad qualities, like being hot-tempered or disrespectful, recognizing these can wake you up if you were hoping for a relationship with them.
- Show them what they’re missing. This will distract you and may even make them a little jealous.
- Make a list of their shortcomings.
- If they have siblings, it's best to avoid interacting with them.
- Remember: there are plenty of people out there who are better suited for you. If they don’t like you for who you are, then they don’t deserve you.
- Start new hobbies to keep yourself distracted.
