Buzz
It's always painful to try and move on from someone you're infatuated with. Seeing them occasionally makes it tough, but encountering them daily in class or at work makes it feel almost impossible, doesn't it? The good news is that with some self-love, a strong support system, and a little patience, you can definitely move on. Check out the list of tips below to change the way you view them, create some distance, and manage your feelings in a healthy way to forget this one-sided love.
Steps
Make a list of their flaws.
Even the most “perfect” dream lover has their flaws. We tend to focus on the good qualities of the person we’re infatuated with, like their funny jokes or their captivating smile. Now, try brainstorming a list of their flaws. You’ll realize that your view of them is incomplete and their charm over you will slowly start to fade. Write down any imperfections you can think of, such as:
- They have annoying friends
- They’re already in a relationship
- They’re obsessed with a TV show you can’t stand
Avoid social media.
The posts from that person are just carefully curated snapshots of their life. It's easy to get tempted to check out the social media profiles of the one you secretly adore, but you won’t be able to move on if you keep seeing them in their most polished, photogenic moments. Set time limits on your social media apps or unfollow them to prevent unwanted posts from appearing in your feed.
- You already see them in person every day, so there's no need to see their face on your social media too. If you keep seeing their face outside of class or work, you’ll only prolong your pain and their hold over you.
View them as just an acquaintance.
This perspective will make them seem less extraordinary. You can still be polite and kind, but you won’t feel the urge to interact with them beyond casual exchanges. This helps prevent love from turning into resentment.
- If you know them well enough that this tip doesn’t work, try thinking of them as someone close to you. How would you react if a friend or sibling waved at you from across the street? What about a colleague or classmate?
Limit your interactions with the person you secretly like.
Physical proximity is one of the key factors that can lead to romantic feelings. Try sitting at a different desk or in a separate corner of the office to maintain physical distance. Avoid attending parties or ‘happy hours’ at work where you know they will be present. Explore new cafés, bars, and other hangout spots if you’re aware that they frequent the places you enjoy.
- If you’ve been in close proximity with them in the past, aim to keep the relationship strictly platonic from now on. Romantic interactions will only make it harder to move on from your feelings.
- Make sure your home is a safe space by removing all gifts, photos, or any items that remind you of them.
Say you “like” them instead of saying you “love” them.
The way we speak about someone influences our feelings toward them. If you say you “love” someone, it raises the risk of unreciprocated feelings. Instead, use the word “like.” This reduces pressure and makes the person seem less extraordinary compared to others. When talking to friends about your crush, use “like”:
- “I like being around him.”
- “I like her laugh.”
- “I like when I bump into him in the hallway.”
Talk about them with friends or family.
Talking about something is a way to help you process your feelings toward it. Share with your close friends or family about your crush—what you like about them, how you feel sad or angry, the dates or future milestones you’ve imagined. Pour your heart out to help you move on from this one-sided love and move forward.
- Confiding in friends and family about the challenges you’re facing will let them know what’s going on and provide support. You can definitely lean on your support network and ask for help!
- By talking about them, you can normalize your romantic feelings. If you keep everything inside, you might feel embarrassed or ashamed about secretly loving them, and it will take longer to heal.
Write a journal about your feelings.
Writing in a journal forces you to live in the present moment. It's when you focus on yourself, organize your thoughts, and gain a clearer understanding of your emotions. The habit of journaling can help reduce stress, relax the mind, and overcome negative thoughts, even if just temporarily pausing your thoughts about that special someone.
- You don't have to keep every journal entry. Feel free to tear out the pages you don’t want to permanently hold on to your most intimate thoughts.
Focus on new hobbies and take care of yourself.
A new hobby can help you temporarily forget about your one-sided love. Fill your free time with activities you excel at and that boost your confidence. It could be running a 10 km race, knitting, or cooking, for example. The goal is to remind yourself that there are plenty of people out there for you to choose from, but you are unique and irreplaceable.
- A hobby is just one way to practice self-care. Take a nap during the afternoon, enjoy your favorite TV shows, meditate, or do anything else that makes you feel relaxed, healthy, and content.
Shift your thoughts when their image appears in your mind.
You don't need to try to completely block out thoughts of that person. Instead, focus on shifting your thought process to stop daydreaming about "what could have been" or getting lost in the illusion of a relationship that was never meant to be. This will help you heal and move on faster. Here are a few examples of how to redirect your thoughts:
- Rather than imagining a romantic dinner with that person, picture yourself having a meal with close friends.
- If the new hairstyle of that person keeps popping into your mind, imagine yourself sitting in a salon, playing around with different haircuts and colors.
- If that person's name keeps echoing in your head, try to envision a singer you adore calling your name on stage.
See yourself through that person's eyes.
You're unlikely to think any less of someone simply because they like you. You might not be attracted to them, but that doesn't mean you find them strange, unattractive, or unworthy of a date. Be kind to yourself and remember that you're not less valuable just because they don't reciprocate your feelings.
- Try looking at your interactions with that person from their perspective. A friendly greeting from someone you secretly like might make your heart race, but to them, it's simply a polite gesture. Try to put yourself in their shoes and hold back on your thoughts and actions to match the reality of your relationship.
Meet new people.
Be open to the possibility of finding affection with someone else. Step outside and look at the world with a more optimistic view as you process your emotions. The worst case scenario is that the relationship with the new person may not work out, but you'll soon forget the obsession with the person you once secretly liked.
- You don't need to dive straight into a new relationship to move on. Simply exploring new things around you is enough for now!
Set boundaries when discussing that person.
Talking too much about the person you secretly love can prolong feelings of sadness and heartache. If you feel consumed by the obsession, try distracting yourself with activities you enjoy, or plan a trip with friends or family. You’ll find that your heart feels lighter when you do things you love with those who care for you.
- Shift your energy towards accepting reality and acknowledging that "what you’re longing for won’t happen with this person." You may still feel sadness for a while, but acceptance will help you let go and move forward.
Don’t forget that you have your own life.
You have family, friends, hobbies, goals, and personal interests. These are yours, whether or not that person is in your life, and they cannot replace everything you already have. If you’re spending too much time thinking about them and neglecting other important aspects, it might be time to accept that your one-sided love won’t lead anywhere and continue with your life.
Understand that these feelings are temporary.
Even the most negative emotions do not last forever. Naturally, it will take time for you to recover, and these emotions might linger because you frequently encounter reminders of them. Trust that eventually, you will feel relieved, and the image of that person in your mind will not always be perfect and alluring.
- You are not the only one who experiences these feelings. Almost everyone struggles with the pain of trying to forget someone they secretly love, but everyone gets through it. And you will too!
Avoid turning to alcohol and stimulants to manage your emotions.
Alcohol and stimulants will only make you feel worse in the long run. If you notice yourself resorting to drinking or frequently using stimulants for distraction, it might be time to reassess how you're coping with your emotions. Turn to your family, friends, or an addiction specialist if things begin to spiral out of control.
- A message sent to that person while you're drunk could leave you embarrassed and make it even harder to forget, especially when you see them every day. Avoid alcohol when you're thinking about them to avoid making mistakes.
- In severe cases, prolonged use of alcohol and stimulants while depressed can lead to harmful or suicidal thoughts.
Seek therapy if you can't manage your emotions.
Sometimes unrequited love can lead to depression and emotional breakdowns. Feeling sad for a few days or weeks is normal, but if you can't overcome it on your own or if your family and friends can't help, it's time to talk to a professional. Here are some signs that you may need therapy or counseling:
- You feel sad almost every day or for the majority of the day.
- Your sadness prevents you from enjoying activities or things you used to love.
- Your emotions are affecting your ability to work, study, or interact with family and friends.
