Buzz
Everyone has negative thoughts from time to time – this is completely normal. You might feel stressed about an upcoming interview or presentation, or you may have just experienced an embarrassing moment that you wish you could forget. This article will teach you how to cope with unwanted thoughts so that they don't take over your mind. While you may not be able to completely stop negative thinking, you can handle it in a healthy way by: identifying unconscious thoughts, counteracting your thinking habits, practicing techniques to reduce negative thoughts, accepting and coping with negative thoughts, and seeking social support to manage them.
Steps
Identify and Counter Negative Thoughts
Recognize the thoughts you want to change. To shift your thinking patterns, you must first be aware of the specific thoughts and patterns that are causing trouble or emotional pain.
- Some negative thoughts might include, "I’m so dumb. I can’t do anything right. I know I’m going to fail. I can tell that person dislikes me. I hate that person."
- Other patterns of thinking, like catastrophizing, involve expecting the worst possible scenario. Other examples include: overgeneralizing (thinking in extremes like "always" or "never," such as, "I always mess everything up"), mind-reading (believing you know what others are thinking, like, "I know he hates me"), and fortune-telling (thinking you know what will happen, such as, "I’m going to fail").
- Make a list of the thoughts and patterns you want to change for further reflection.
- Write down the patterns or habits you frequently experience.
- Understand that some thoughts that might seem "bad" are simply part of human nature, like sexual thoughts or "what if" scenarios driven by our desire for safety. These thoughts are natural and come from our positive instincts (like survival or protecting our loved ones).
- If these thoughts start to overwhelm your daily life, you need to recognize their obsessive nature. But keep in mind, this doesn’t make these thoughts inherently bad.
Change negative thoughts. Once you've identified negative thought patterns, you can begin the process of replacing them.
- Notice when negative thoughts arise. Recognize them and transform them into more realistic and suitable thoughts. For example, if you think, "I never do anything right," replace it with a more accurate reflection, like, "Sometimes I make mistakes, but that's okay. I'm just a normal human being. I'll do better next time."
- Recognize when a negative thought occurs and remind yourself, "Wait! This isn't a helpful thought and it's not true. I know I can turn it into a more positive one."
- A therapist specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can assist you in this process and may recommend other strategies for you to try. (Note: CBT is not suitable for everyone, and some mental health issues require more intensive approaches. Keep in mind that therapists are human and may not always fully understand your condition. It's important to find a therapist who acknowledges that they cannot solve every problem.)
Transform negative frameworks into positive ones. If someone tells you not to slam the door, the first image that comes to mind might be a door slamming. When you frame something negatively—"don't think about X"—your brain ends up thinking about it to remind itself not to think about it. This is irrational! Instead, create positive grammatical frameworks.
- For example, if you're worried about an interview, don’t think, "Don’t forget the briefcase." Think, "Remember to bring the briefcase." Rather than thinking, "Don’t mess up," think, "I’ll do excellently."
Visualize the best-case scenario. Instead of constantly worrying about how things might go wrong, try flipping the perspective and focus on the best possible outcome. Rather than attempting to ignore the sources of your stress, allow your mind to focus on things that are less stressful and more hopeful.
Address negative thoughts about others. If your negative thoughts are about someone else (e.g., "I hate that person"), ask yourself why you feel this way. Did they do something bad to you? Are they rude? Or is the issue within you, such as feeling jealous of them? When such thoughts arise, examine your own feelings. How do you feel right now? Do you feel insecure, powerless, or isolated?
- Try to identify the root cause of these feelings. Did your parents always compare you to your perfect older sibling? Shift your focus away from what others are doing and understand what's going on with yourself when you have these thoughts.
- Practice empathy by imagining compassionate reasons for their behavior. Maybe you have negative thoughts about your overweight friend without realizing that they are caring for their sick grandmother and don’t have time for exercise. Or the person who was rude to you is enduring chronic pain and acting out of frustration. These reasons don't need to be accurate, but they can help you stay calm and allow you to feel happier.
Practice techniques to reduce negative thoughts
Set aside time to worry and postpone negative thoughts. Research shows that one of the most effective ways to deal with an unwanted thought is to simply let it unfold naturally. However, that doesn't mean allowing it to occur at any given moment. You should schedule a "worry time," a period each day when you allow yourself to worry. Consider the rest of the day as your “no-worry zone.”
- Set your worry time at the same hour each day and make sure it's not too late, so it doesn't lead to anxiety just before bedtime.
- When a negative thought arises, acknowledge it and tell yourself you'll worry about it later. You can even jot it down in a notebook or just remind yourself: “I want to stay calm. I'll revisit this later.” It might come back or it might not.
- If the thought returns, make a note next to it in your notebook. Tell yourself, “Alright, I’ll get back to it, but not now.”
- Review your list during your worry time. If the negative thoughts or worries persist, allow yourself to dwell on them—but only during your designated worry period. If it no longer bothers you, feel free to cross it off the list and move on.
- Delaying worries disrupts the habit of sinking into negative thinking, preventing it from taking over your day. At the same time, you're not fighting to suppress or block out the unwanted thought. If the thought keeps recurring, you may need to talk to a mental health professional.
Observe negative thoughts without getting caught up in them. For instance, when a negative thought surfaces, acknowledge it in your mind as it occurs. It could be something you often tell yourself, something in your environment, or something someone said or did that triggered a sad memory.
- When people recall an unpleasant memory AND get caught up in it, they re-live the memory, the emotions, and everything else, unless they realize they're being triggered.
- Once you're aware of it, you can choose to postpone the negative thought as described above. You can acknowledge that, yes, bad things have happened in your life, and you understand what triggered the memory right now, but you agree to push it aside for the moment instead of rehashing the entire memory again.
Face and accept negative thoughts.
Accept that blocking unwanted thoughts is challenging. Research indicates that people are less successful at stopping negative thoughts when they believe they can do so easily. While stopping any thought, even a positive one, is difficult, stopping the thoughts you want to ignore is much harder. Therefore, relax and avoid pressuring yourself. Stress will only bring those negative thoughts back!
Let the thoughts play out completely. Studies have shown that if we work too hard to distract ourselves from negative thoughts, our minds may focus so much on them that they become obsessive and destructive. Another study found that people who distracted themselves from negative thoughts with music ultimately felt frustrated by the experience with the music itself.
- A normal negative thought might be a “what if” scenario about something bad happening, such as a break-in. This is actually a very natural and useful thought, as it may remind us to lock doors and windows and avoid putting our safety or that of our loved ones at risk. It's only when that thought becomes irrational—when you never leave the house, buy two pit bulls, and install a full security system even though you're living in a quiet neighborhood with low crime rates—that your negative thoughts need to be addressed.
- Instead of trying to distract yourself each time a negative thought arises, allow it to play out naturally.
- If it's a normal negative thought, you can acknowledge it, and if necessary, take action (e.g., if the thought of a break-in reminds you that you forgot to lock the back door, then go lock it). You can also thank your brain for trying to protect you and move on.
- If the thought doesn’t go away, you should follow the process outlined in Methods 1 and 2 to address it.
Strategic Plan for Coping. Everyone experiences negative thoughts from time to time. You'll be better prepared to handle these harmful thoughts if you have a plan for how to respond when they invade your mind. Your strategy should follow this formula: 'If thought X pops into my head, I will do action Y.'
- This action could be as simple as, 'I'll acknowledge it and not get caught up in it right now.'
- You might stand up and start a physical activity that occupies your mind each time a negative thought arises – like jumping jacks 50 times, for example.
- Utilize coping techniques like stepping outside, creating art, journaling, exercising, or praying to manage negative thoughts and emotions.
Practice Meditation and Mindfulness. Mindfulness meditation is a powerful tool for dealing with negative thoughts. It doesn't 'cleanse the mind' or prevent negative thoughts – those that arise are beyond your control, but you can learn to observe them with calm and objectivity. Through practice, you'll learn to dismiss these negative thoughts as they appear.
- Find a place with minimal distractions.
- Sit in a chair with a straight back, hands resting on your thighs.
- Close your eyes and focus on the darkness. If you notice colors in the darkness, you can focus on them.
- Try to remain present in the moment: focus on your body's sensations and the thoughts that come and go. The goal is to stay in the present moment with whatever thoughts may arise.
- When negative thoughts surface, acknowledge them and try to examine them with curious objectivity. Where did this thought come from? Why do you believe this particular thought? Remind yourself that thoughts and feelings are not permanent, and your negative thoughts do not define you.
- Practice this for 20 minutes daily. Keep in mind it takes time to train yourself to view your negative thoughts with this objective mindset.
Journaling. Sometimes, writing down an idea and reflecting on it can help you overcome mental struggles. If a negative thought keeps recurring, write it down in your journal. Keep a daily journal until the thought no longer takes up too much space in your mind.
View Your Thoughts as Hypotheses. Don't give too much importance to negative thoughts. This technique is called cognitive defusion. Everyone has unwanted thoughts, which is completely normal. In fact, the more you resist a particular thought, the more it becomes central in your mind, even if it's not a bad thought. For example, try not to think about an adorable puppy right now!
- Avoid magnifying the issue.
- Accept that having a negative thought doesn't define who you are, and it will leave your mind more quickly.
Seek External Support to Manage Negative Thoughts
Seek Social Support. Social support can help individuals cope with negative thoughts.
- Reach out to friends, family, partners, teachers, colleagues, or other trusted individuals to help you manage your negative thoughts.
- Consider an alternative perspective. If you find it difficult to shift your negative mindset, you can ask others to help you come up with different ways of thinking. You may be surprised at how helpful this can be.
Be Around Optimistic Friends. If you are constantly surrounded by people who complain and expect the worst, you may find yourself adopting the same mindset. Try to minimize these negative influences in your life and spend time with those who can help lift your spirits. When negative thoughts are not a part of everyday conversations, they won't become part of your habitual thinking either.
Consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). If negative thoughts are preventing you from living a happy life and nothing seems to work, consider seeking help from a licensed professional (therapist or psychologist). A therapist can guide you through overcoming negative thoughts in a structured and safe manner.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a treatment method focused on changing thought patterns to improve emotions and behaviors. This therapy can help you learn to deal with negative thoughts. CBT has also been proven to help treat other mental health issues like depression, anxiety disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Ask your therapist if they can use CBT to treat you.
- Remember that this therapy is not a quick fix. A few sessions with a therapist won't be enough to banish negative thoughts.
- Be patient and follow the therapist's treatment plan for more effective results in managing negative thoughts.
