Buzz
You can’t seem to shake off the memory of an embarrassing moment or a charming barista at the café. These types of thoughts are quite common, but if they’re clearly distracting you too much, there are steps you can take to free yourself from these unwanted thoughts. Start by focusing all your attention on this article.
Steps
Try to Stop Thinking
Write Down Your Thoughts. The thoughts that are distracting you from your daily activities and causing feelings of unease, restlessness, or anxiety need to be dealt with first. Write them down on paper. Write everything that’s troubling you, from the most stressful thought to the least stressful one.
- For example, if you’re worried about losing your job, your list might look something like this: 1. How will I pay the bills and support my family? 2. What if I can’t find another job? 3. I’ll be so embarrassed if the security guard escorts me out of the office with my belongings in a box.
- You’ll begin by tackling the least stressful thought first.
Visualize the Thought. Find a private space, close your eyes, and imagine the situation where you might have this stressful thought.
Stop the Thought. Set a timer, wristwatch, or alarm for about three minutes, then focus on the unwanted thought. When the timer or alarm goes off, shout 'Stop!' This is your signal to clear that thought from your mind. Think of something purposeful (like the beach, etc.) and hold that image in your mind for 30 seconds. If the upsetting thought returns during this time, shout 'Stop!' again.
- If you prefer, you can stand up when you say 'Stop' or snap your fingers or clap. These actions reinforce the command 'Stop' and block your thought.
- Alternatively, you can record your 'Stop!' command in intervals of one, two, or three minutes and then use the recording to practice stopping your thoughts. When you hear the 'Stop!' in the recording, clear your mind for 30 seconds.
Practice. Repeat this exercise until the thought fades away at your command. Then, try again and stop the thought by saying 'Stop' in a normal tone, rather than shouting. When the normal tone is effective, try whispering 'Stop.' With enough practice, you may find yourself hearing the 'Stop' in your mind. At this point, you can stop the thought whenever it arises. Once you've gained control, move on to the next thought in your list and continue the exercise.
- This method won't instantly eliminate unwanted thoughts in your mind. Its purpose is to 'brake' these thoughts and gradually reduce their control over you.
- In this exercise, you also need to accept that these thoughts exist and not deny them. They can be very distracting and stressful, and when someone feels out of control, it can be truly overwhelming. However, accepting their existence and caring less about them will slowly make them fade away.
Stay Busy
Keep Active. When you're engaged in sports, you focus on your body and/or the coordination between your eyes and hands, which is a great way to push all thoughts out of your head. Additionally, exercise offers other benefits by releasing feel-good neurotransmitters and the happiness hormone endorphins, helping to improve your mood.
Engage in Mentally Challenging Activities. Test your brain with games like Sudoku, crossword puzzles, difficult math problems, or follow complex instructions to complete a task. Your mind will focus on these activities and won't have the time or mental energy left for unwanted thoughts.
Laugh. Laughter can help shake off worry and anxiety. When you laugh, your brain gets involved, guiding your body through a series of actions and sounds. Laughter reduces stress, so if you're feeling uneasy, laughter is a great remedy. Hang out with friends to relax, rent a comedy movie, or try attending a laughter yoga class. You can even seek out therapists specializing in 'laughter therapy,' which teaches people to laugh at things that aren't inherently funny and use humor to cope with difficult situations.
Speak Up. Often, the best way to push a thought out of your head is to share it with someone. Find a friend or family member who is a good listener and talk to them about your thoughts. If you find it hard to manage these thoughts on your own, consider seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you process them.
Rahti Gorfien, PCC
Life Coach
Life Coach
Instead of spending time alone and obsessing over that thought, connect with friends and loved ones. Engage in activities like taking a walk. Do anything that can interrupt the thought cycle in your mind. If you're still struggling, consider reaching out to a professional for help.
Use Your Brain
Learn to Accept. If you've tried to stop thinking about someone or something, you know it’s not easy. If it were, you wouldn't be reading this article. In fact, studies have shown that it's better to accept unwanted thoughts than to try to push them away. In one study, participants who practiced acceptance were less obsessed with their thoughts, had lower levels of depression, and felt less anxious than those who tried to suppress their thoughts.
- Accepting your thoughts doesn't mean you have to like them or even agree with them. You simply need to accept them as part of reality. Allow them to exist without trying to control or change them. By doing so, you take away their power, and they will visit you less often.
Apply Focused Distraction. You may have tried distracting yourself to push unwanted thoughts out of your mind, but have you ever tried focused distraction? Studies have shown that it's better to distract yourself with just one activity, rather than jumping from one thing to another to shift your attention away from the unwanted thought. Mindless wandering often leads to unhappiness, so choose a specific task, a book, or a piece of music to focus on and immerse yourself in it completely.
Throw Them Away. A study published in the journal Psychological Science found that when people write down their thoughts on paper and then throw the paper away, they also mentally discard those thoughts.
Find a Lesson. If you're obsessing over a mistake you've made and repeatedly replaying it in your mind, try viewing the situation as a lesson. Ask yourself what the lesson is and what you can learn from your mistake. Try to summarize it in one sentence or less and write it down.
Give yourself time. When people go through a major life upheaval, they need time to truly accept it. This is especially true if you’ve never experienced such an event before, like discovering you’ve been betrayed, witnessing the death of a loved one, or having a car accident. Continuously thinking about it is a natural way to process it. Everyone is different – needing time to accept something doesn’t mean you are weak.
Advice
- Don’t think 'I have to stop thinking about ______' or 'I can’t think about _____,' because it will only make you think about that person or event more.
- Don’t expect instant results. Often, even after you’ve tried to push unwanted thoughts about a person or situation out of your mind, they will continue to appear. Accept this as a natural part of moving forward, be patient with yourself, and let things unfold with the understanding that, in time, the person or event will fade from your mind.
- If you still can’t stop thinking about it, try talking to someone. This will help you focus on what the other person is saying instead of the negative situation.
- If you think about someone daily, try to imagine them as a completely different person in your mind.
