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In relationships, it's natural to want to give your partner your full attention. However, focusing exclusively on them can sometimes create distance. Fortunately, there are many ways to reduce your tendency to overwhelm your girlfriend and allow her the space she needs. In this article, we’ll cover 11 practical ways to stop smothering her while fostering a balanced, loving relationship.
This article is based on an interview with our clinical psychologist, Tala Johartchi, PsyD. Check out the full interview here.
Steps
Set boundaries for how often you spend time together.
Communicate with your girlfriend to understand her need for personal space. It might feel odd to spend time apart when you just want to be with her, but some people need that separation to relax and recharge. Try not to meet every single day, as that could make her feel overwhelmed.
- Consider reaching a compromise to meet every other day, or perhaps 3 times a week.
- Use this time apart to engage in other activities, so you're not relying on your girlfriend for every moment of free time.
Reduce the frequency of texts you send her during the day.
Give her some breathing room when you're apart. It's perfectly fine to send her a message occasionally, but constantly texting can overwhelm her. Instead, try limiting yourself to 3 to 4 texts a day when you're not together. This doesn’t have to be a strict rule, but sending messages too often can make her feel smothered.
- Alternatively, you can just send a good morning and good night text.
- Similarly, apply the same rule for phone calls – try only reaching out once or twice during the day, allowing her some space.
Allow her to spend time with her friends.
Your girlfriend needs time with her friends. It's okay if you want to join her and her friends occasionally, but make sure to give her the space to enjoy a night out with just her friends. This allows you both some time apart, and she’ll likely have fun stories to share when you see her again.
- It’s important for both of you to maintain your own friendships outside the relationship. Otherwise, you risk spending too much time together, which can lead to tension.
Avoid keeping tabs on her social media accounts.
Constantly monitoring her actions will only increase your anxiety. When you're not together, put down the phone or log out of social media. It’s unhealthy to track everything your girlfriend does online, and asking her about it later may make her feel uncomfortable.
- Taking a break from social media can be really helpful, especially if you're prone to overthinking.
Spend more time focusing on yourself.
Learn how to enjoy your own company so you’re not constantly dependent on someone else. Sometimes, we crave constant interaction with our partner because we feel uneasy being alone. Thankfully, this is a skill you can develop easily. By spending more time by yourself, you'll learn to appreciate it and won’t feel the need to have your girlfriend around all the time.
- If being alone with your thoughts feels difficult, try listening to an audiobook or podcast to ease the silence.
- You could also try cooking, baking, relaxing in nature, or exercising.
Make time to hang out with your friends.
Allocate time for your friends to keep your life well-balanced. It’s easy to neglect your friends when you're in a relationship, but make sure to spend time with them at least a couple of times a week to maintain a balanced routine.
- Additionally, this will give your girlfriend the opportunity to spend time with her friends or enjoy some personal space if she needs it.
Prioritize self-care.
Do something kind for yourself every day. Self-care not only improves your mood in the moment, but it can also enhance your self-esteem and boost your confidence. Taking care of yourself helps you enjoy your own company and can contribute to greater overall happiness.
- Consider activities like taking a bubble bath, listening to your favorite music, brewing a comforting cup of coffee, doing light exercise, or meditating.
- Try mindfulness practice for 10 to 15 minutes each day, focusing on the present moment instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.
Make your living space reflect your personality.
The more at ease you feel in your own space, the better. If you feel lonely or unsettled whenever your girlfriend leaves, it might be because you’ve tailored your environment to her tastes rather than your own. Ensure that your home or room feels like a place where you can truly unwind and be yourself.
- If you're into gaming, consider setting up a gaming station with a comfortable chair and a great desk.
- If reading is your escape, create a cozy reading nook by your bookshelf for relaxation.
Allow your girlfriend the freedom to make her own choices.
Your girlfriend has the right to do things independently. You can't control her actions or her thoughts—only your own. Part of respecting her space is letting her pursue her interests, even if you don’t agree with them. You can share your opinion, but you cannot dictate her choices.
- If you don’t agree with something she’s deciding, you could say, “I know it’s your decision, but I just want to share that I think it might not be the best choice.”
- If your needs aren’t being met, talk to her openly, but trust her explanations during the conversation.
Share your feelings with your girlfriend.
Communication will help her understand your perspective. Often, we cling to our partners due to anxiety or fear of them leaving. It’s important to express what you’re feeling and how you’re working through it, so she can better understand what’s going on with you.
- “I realize I’ve been overwhelming you lately. I think my anxiety has been affecting me, and I’m working on handling it better, finding other ways to distract myself, so you can have some space.”
Identify the root of your clinginess.
Understanding the underlying cause can help you address it. Clinginess often stems from feelings of insecurity, sometimes rooted in childhood experiences. You might fear that your girlfriend will leave, which leads you to hold onto her tightly. Reflect on your past to understand where these behaviors come from.
- It may be hard to process this alone. Once you understand the source of your clinginess, consider talking to a therapist to work through your feelings and develop healthier coping strategies.
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Although it may seem counterproductive, giving your girlfriend more space will actually bring you two closer together.
