Buzz
There are numerous ways to assist individuals with autism, including methods to help them manage stress and communicate effectively. If the person with autism is a family member, you can also support them by creating a comfortable environment at home.
Steps
Create a Friendly Environment
Designate a “safe space” for individuals with autism to relax. People with autism often experience stress or sensory overload, so creating quiet areas can help them calm down.
- When they choose a seat, ensure it’s in a distraction-free area (e.g., facing away from a noisy kitchen).
- Move to quieter spaces for conversations.
- Set up a dedicated zone where they can retreat during stressful moments, filled with comforting items.
Create a schedule. Individuals with autism may struggle with changes in their daily routines. A consistent routine can provide them with a sense of stability. When unexpected changes occur, their entire day can be disrupted, leading to confusion, fear, anger, or panic. Here are some tips for maintaining stability:
- Help them create a schedule. Allocate specific times for activities throughout the day.
- Write the schedule clearly. Place it in a visible and prominent location, such as on the wall in the family living area.
- Visual aids (like pictures or drawings) can make the schedule more engaging and appealing.
Inform individuals with autism about schedule changes multiple times to help them adjust. To prepare them for changes, plan ahead and communicate upcoming events.
- For example, a dentist appointment might disrupt their routine. Discuss it with them beforehand. While they may not be happy about the change, they will at least be prepared.
- Try to schedule activities at consistent times. For instance, if your child has math class at 3 PM on Tuesdays and Thursdays, plan other activities (like family walks) at the same time on other days to maintain consistency.
Schedule relaxation time after stressful or demanding events. Children with autism often feel exhausted after a day full of school activities, social events, doctor appointments, or outings. Quiet activities (like reading, playing, or relaxing) can help them recharge and maintain balance.
- Remember that your idea of relaxation might differ from theirs.
- After a schedule change, try to include downtime following a stressful activity. For example, after a doctor’s visit, allow them free time until dinner.
Identify sensory triggers. Many individuals with autism experience sensory processing disorder, a neurological condition where ordinary sensory input can be overwhelming, distracting, or even painful. Understand that these sensations cannot be ignored or overcome by willpower and can be genuinely exhausting.
- Talk to your autistic family member about their triggers. Observe or ask about what causes discomfort. They may express or show signs of distress. Identify the issue and work on solutions.
- For example, if your teenage sibling dislikes the strong taste of toothpaste, help them choose a milder option (like children’s flavored toothpaste).
Ensure all therapies are safe and non-coercive. Some autism treatments, particularly behavioral interventions like Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), can lead to post-traumatic stress if misapplied. Certain therapies aim to break the individual’s will or force them to act "normally," which can be emotionally damaging.
- Avoid experimental or compliance-based therapies.
- Individuals with autism should be allowed to refuse or take breaks.
- Therapy should never involve crying, screaming, violence, or begging for help.
- If a therapy seems overwhelming, frightening, or painful, intervene. If you’re not an adult, inform an adult or authorities.
Incorporate exercise into the daily routine of individuals with autism. Physical activity is an excellent way to release excess energy (if they frequently engage in self-stimulatory behaviors), safely stimulate their senses, and improve their mood and sense of well-being. Identify activities they enjoy and build around them.
- Individuals with autism may excel in individual sports or non-competitive environments. Even regular walks can be beneficial for your loved one.
Encourage special interests. Special interests can serve as a refuge for individuals with autism, helping them develop essential skills (e.g., a young writer learning to accept criticism) and potentially leading to fulfilling hobbies or careers. These interests also encourage self-expression.
- Choose toys related to their interests.
- Discuss their passions during relaxed moments, such as while riding in the car. (You can foster two-way conversations by asking questions).
- Help them learn more through books.
- Suggest joining clubs or activities related to their interests, as communication becomes less intimidating when they love the topic.
Dealing with Meltdowns
Learn to recognize meltdown triggers. Identifying triggers can help you anticipate overwhelming situations and intervene before stress peaks. Consider documenting these triggers to prevent similar incidents in the future.
- For example, dining at a restaurant might be chaotic for a child with autism. Sometimes, taking them out of the environment for a few minutes can help them calm down.
Recognize warning signs of meltdowns. Meltdowns result from accumulated stress in individuals with autism, and prevention is the best approach. Here are some signs to watch for:
- Irritability
- Receiving too many verbal instructions at once
- Witnessing unfairness
- Pain or overstimulation
- Changes in daily routines
- Difficulty understanding or communicating effectively
Luna Rose
Community Expert
Community Expert
Understand how the individual interacts with the world. Luna Rose, a member of the autism community, explains: "For example, if someone is sensitive to noise, it’s best to meet them in quiet places. Learn to differentiate between rocking for joy and rocking due to stress—stress is when their head is down, and they cover their ears. That’s when there’s a problem. They may need to leave the uncomfortable space because something is wrong."
Intervene quickly for individuals with autism. Your loved one may not realize how much stress has built up or may struggle to express it. Remove all triggers and ask what’s bothering them.
- Take them outside for a break.
- Remove them from crowds or other stimulating environments.
- Avoid making demands. If others do, suggest they give the individual a break.
Respond promptly to the needs of individuals with autism. They are often seen as overly demanding, so if they request a change, it means they are genuinely uncomfortable.
- Don’t dismiss their needs. Even if they can’t verbalize or ask politely, treat it as urgent. You can teach them polite ways to express themselves when they’re calmer.
Take the individual to a quiet place. Try leading them outdoors or to a relaxation corner. This gives them a chance to unwind, free from crowds or other triggers.
Stay calm, patient, and empathetic. Never yell at or blame someone with autism for their meltdown. They often feel ashamed and embarrassed for losing control, and making them feel worse will only increase their distress.
- Avoid crowds or stares from others. Ask people to stop or take the individual to a quieter place.
Encourage self-stimulatory behaviors. These behaviors are a way to stimulate the senses and can be deeply calming for individuals with autism. Examples include rocking, clapping, jumping, or fidgeting. Here are ways to support these behaviors:
- Offer a rocking chair if available.
- Provide their favorite toys or a weighted blanket.
- Ask if they’d like to engage in calming behaviors (e.g., "Would you like to flap your hands?").
- Offer a tight hug.
- Avoid judgmental looks or comments. If someone reacts negatively, use words or a stern look to show their behavior is unacceptable.
Luna Rose
Community Expert
Community Expert
If you’re unsure about their body language, ask questions. Luna Rose, a community expert, says: "Sometimes you just need to learn about them. Be open, helpful, and don’t hesitate to ask. If you don’t understand their body language, say: 'Are you doing this because something’s bothering you? Or are you just playing around?'"
Once your loved one has calmed down, talk to them and identify what triggered the meltdown. Encourage an open and constructive conversation. Focus on triggers and what they (and you!) can do to avoid similar situations in the future.
- If your daughter often cries in crowded stores, try visiting during quieter hours, bring noise-canceling headphones and stim toys, or let her stay home.
- If news of violent attacks upsets your brother, suggest avoiding news broadcasts at night and help him practice relaxation techniques.
Communicate effectively
Understand that communication can be challenging. The body language of autistic individuals may differ from neurotypical people, and autistic individuals may not always understand the meaning behind certain expressions or gestures.
- Do not expect them to make eye contact. Autistic individuals often focus better when they are not looking into someone's eyes.
- Be aware that they may fidget or exhibit unusual movements.
- Learn the body language of your autistic loved one and understand what it signifies.
Do not stress over their tone of voice and body language. Due to confusion about body language, autistic individuals may not have gestures or expressions that match their feelings. The same applies to tone of voice. Therefore, it is important to remind yourself not to interpret their blunt speech or body language as being directed at you.
- For example, an autistic person's voice might sound abrupt and impolite, yet they could be very happy.
- Observing their self-stimulatory behaviors can also provide clues. If a boy only claps when he's happy, it might be a reliable sign that everything is fine.
- Even if an autistic person is frustrated, it might not be their fault. For instance, the sound of a dog barking could make them anxious all day.
Luna Rose
Community Expert
Community Expert
Know that you can ask questions. Luna Rose, a member of the autistic community, says: "Mostly, you just need to understand, and to do that, you shouldn't hesitate to ask questions. I think many people worry about saying the wrong thing, but the intention here is what matters. If you make it clear that your goal is to understand and help, the person will likely be willing to answer your questions."
Understand that sound processing can be a challenge for autistic individuals. This means that while autistic people are fully capable of understanding language, their brains may struggle to interpret words as quickly as neurotypical individuals. You can gauge their response to verbal instructions or lengthy lists. They might need written instructions or more time to process information before responding.
- They may struggle to remember spoken lists and require written or visual aids.
- Give them time to think and process. Their responses may be slower.
- They might excel at reading and writing more than speaking.
Try to create a quiet space for communication. Your loved one may find it difficult to communicate in crowded, noisy environments. In settings where multiple people are talking at once, autistic individuals can become stressed and overwhelmed. Instead, speak to them in a calm and quiet environment.
- Move to a different room if the current one is too crowded.
- Consider using alternative communication methods if you cannot leave (e.g., sign language, drawing, or writing).
Consider enrolling autistic individuals in focus training to improve social skills. Focus training is a program that can help your loved one develop techniques for interacting with others. This form of training teaches participants to understand thoughts and feelings. Focus training is often conducted in groups but can also be done individually. During sessions, autistic individuals can develop emotional regulation techniques, problem-solving communication skills, and peer interaction strategies.
- Relationship Development Intervention (RDI) is a popular method.
- Not all social skills groups teach useful skills. For example, if a group focuses on heteronormativity, it may not benefit your LGBTQ+ child.
Teach essential skills
Teach mindfulness techniques. According to the "intense world" theory of autism, the surrounding environment can quickly become frightening or overwhelming for autistic individuals, and they may need additional support in learning coping mechanisms. These exercises include:
- Deep breathing exercises
- Counting to calm down
- Holding a toy or favorite object until feeling better
- Engaging in self-stimulatory behaviors
- Practicing yoga, meditation, or stretching
- Taking breaks to listen to music or sing
Teach your loved one to prevent panic by asking for help. Phrases like "I need a break" or "Can I go to my quiet space?" can be particularly useful. Preventing meltdowns becomes easier when autistic individuals can identify their triggers and request assistance.
- Reinforce this behavior by praising them immediately when they express their needs.
- If the autistic person is just learning this behavior, thank them for speaking up. "Thank you for telling me the loud noise hurts your ears! Let me find your earplugs while you wait outside with your brother."
Teach children about emotions using flashcards, books, and movies. Fictional examples can help autistic individuals understand others' feelings and why they feel that way. This allows them to analyze emotions from a safer distance.
- If the child struggles with basic expressions, try teaching them with flashcards.
- Ask, "How do you think this character feels right now?" when they read or watch something. Offer hints if they're unsure.
- Also, teach social skills: "Do you think what she did was good? No? What would have been better?"
- Look for programs that combine humor and education, like the animated series My Little Pony.
Set realistic goals for social communication. Understand that your loved one may never enjoy parties, and that's okay. Focus on what they want: perhaps having two close friends or someone to play with during breaks. Tailor social skills to their desires, not just your expectations.
Teach autistic children to talk about their special interests. Autistic children can become deeply engrossed in their interests, often unaware they're dominating the conversation or that others want to change the topic. Teach them how to:
- Ask questions to engage others ("How was work today, Mom?")
- Recognize if someone is busy
- Gauge if someone is paying attention
- Allow conversations to shift naturally
- Listen actively
- Know when it's okay to dominate the conversation (e.g., when someone asks about their interest)
Model social skills. Remember that autistic children are constantly learning and growing, and you are one of their role models. Act in ways you want them to emulate, and they will learn from you.
- Listen to autistic individuals and ask questions.
- When frustrated or tired, behave as you'd want them to behave. Take a break if needed (it's okay!).
- Show compassion. Never treat autistic individuals in ways you wouldn't treat neurotypical people.
- Acknowledge their feelings as meaningful and valid.
Be ready to offer praise. Autistic individuals are at a higher risk of depression and anxiety, which often leads to low self-esteem. Boost their confidence by acknowledging their positive qualities and celebrating their efforts. Make it clear that you are proud of them.
- Praise can take the form of verbal compliments, hugs, quality time, or granting them extra free time.
- While praise is beneficial, avoid making it the ultimate goal. Over-reliance on praise can lead to people-pleasing behavior and difficulty setting boundaries.
Teach self-advocacy skills. Autistic individuals need to learn how to stand up for themselves, be assertive, and say no when they are uncomfortable. This is especially important, as autistic people are at a higher risk of abuse.
- Allow them to refuse. ("I don’t like that sweater. It’s too itchy!")
- Praise them for expressing their needs. ("Thank you for telling me the music is too loud. I’ll turn it down right now.")
- Offer choices and encourage independent thinking.
- Avoid compliance-based therapies, as they can harm their ability to say no.
- When your loved one says "no," listen. Is something wrong? If unavoidable, can you minimize discomfort or compromise to make them happier? Only override their refusal in cases of serious health or safety concerns.
- In the U.S., teens and adults can learn these skills through self-advocacy groups like ASAN or autistic women’s groups. (However, be cautious when introducing sensitive individuals to these groups, as topics like abuse, trauma, and discrimination may disrupt their well-being.)
Understanding Autism
Understanding autism is a challenging task, as it is a complex disability, and each autistic individual is unique.
Recognize that autism is a highly diverse and complex condition. Autism encompasses a wide range of traits and manifestations, varying from person to person. As a developmental disability, communication and social skills are often challenging. Symptoms can differ significantly.
- Autism is not a narrow spectrum ranging from "mild" to "severe." It affects multiple areas in different ways. For example, your friend might be incredibly funny and skilled at making others laugh but struggle with self-care and sensory processing. An autistic person can excel in one area while facing challenges in another.
Consider the unique strengths and challenges of your loved one. It's crucial to understand their symptoms. Once you grasp where the challenges lie, you can target them effectively. Identify the strengths of your loved one and the obstacles they face. All these factors are vital when selecting treatment methods and coping mechanisms.
Educate yourself about autism. It’s also helpful to be aware of common signs and how autistic individuals perceive autism (organizations and blogs run by autistic people are often excellent resources). Here are some signs of autism:
- Fine motor skills may be delayed
- Difficulty understanding and interacting with others
- Struggles with grasping abstract language uses (e.g., sarcasm, metaphors)
- Intense focus and fascination with specific interests
- Under or over-sensitivity to various stimuli (sounds, sights, smells, etc.)
- Challenges with self-care
- Repetitive behaviors, noticeable self-stimulatory actions
Recognize that each autistic individual has different goals. One autistic person might aim to develop self-care skills for independent living, while another might want to make friends. Others may thrive in assisted living or without additional friendships. Understand that your idea of a good life might differ from theirs, and what matters most is their ability to be happy.
Accept them for who they are. Autism is not a shame, despair, or defect; it’s simply a difference. Instead of saying, “I’ll finally be happy when my loved one _____,” practice living happily right now, and move forward with them. Offer unconditional love so they can love themselves.
Advice
- Note that part of an autistic person's schedule might include unusual behaviors, such as wearing the same outfit every day for a week.
- There is debate over whether to use 'person-first' or 'identity-first' language; in other words, whether autistic individuals prefer to be called 'autistic' or 'a person with autism.' This article uses identity-first language ('autistic person') as it is widely accepted within the autistic community. Ask your loved one their preference and respect their choice.
- If you are also autistic, share your own unique behaviors or challenges with them (but don’t assume you share the same experiences).
- If you are on the spectrum, let them know if you believe it could positively impact your relationship.
Warning
- Remember that non-speaking autistic individuals are not unintelligent, and people with disabilities and/or differences deserve respect as human beings, regardless of their intellectual abilities.
- Treat them kindly. Even if they seem rude or unkind, autistic individuals need your support. Don’t yell or resent them; be a positive role model. Be gentle and loving.
- Don’t assume an autistic person can or cannot hear you if they don’t respond. Find another way to check.
- Avoid being condescending. If you’re not genuinely kind, they’ll likely notice.
- Don’t make assumptions about an autistic person’s life, such as whether they have a partner or what they do in their free time.
- Don’t pull an autistic person away from their interests or tasks if they’re deeply focused, unless you believe it’s truly beneficial. What you see as distracting them from a screen might feel to them like interrupting someone meditating, driving, or performing surgery.
- Remember that autism manifests in many forms, levels, and across all social classes. Avoid relying on stereotypes about race or social status.
- Avoid using movies or exaggerated scenes to define social situations. What seems romantic in films can be frightening in real life, and even the best real-life scenarios have complications that Hollywood or Disney movies often gloss over.
- Share your role and experience with the autistic person to foster effective communication.
- Never stop an autistic person from stimming or force eye contact. This can strip away their coping mechanisms and disrupt their focus.
- Be cautious when choosing a therapist. Some practitioners using compliance-based therapies may harm children or cause post-traumatic stress.
