Buzz
Learn to care for your girlfriend with empathy and affection
A person's emotions can be greatly affected by hormonal shifts throughout their menstrual cycle, particularly in the days leading up to her period. Your girlfriend may be cheerful one moment and in tears just moments later. This can be tough for you, especially when she seems upset with you even though you’ve done nothing wrong. However, with the right mindset, you can ease the tension and bring peace to both her and yourself. To handle her premenstrual emotions effectively, avoid conflicts, help her relieve stress, and offer kindness and support.
Steps
Alleviating the Discomfort
Limit social engagements. When she feels bloated and in discomfort, the last thing she may want is to be social. Always check in with her before confirming any plans that include her or inviting friends over. Be extra mindful of events that may require her to dress up or engage in physical activities.
- For example, it’s probably not a good idea to commit to going swimming with friends if you know her period is approaching. Always check with her beforehand.
Take over some of her household duties. If your girlfriend is usually the one doing tasks like washing the dishes or preparing meals, take on those roles, both during her PMS and at other times. She will appreciate your help and feel less stressed overall.
- You can either ask her what she needs assistance with or simply observe what needs to be done and do it without needing to be asked.
Be understanding of any dietary changes. While your girlfriend may normally stick to a healthy diet, during her premenstrual phase, she might crave comfort foods like an entire pizza. Refrain from commenting negatively on her food choices. If she mentions her clothes feeling tight, suggest a relaxing walk or assure her she looks great.
- If you're trying to help her balance PMS and diet, offer healthier alternatives. For example, if she wants pizza, propose making one together rather than ordering out.
Help her unwind and relax. During her premenstrual phase, your girlfriend may feel more emotional or easily agitated. Assist in calming her down by running a warm bath, massaging her shoulders, or even meditating together. These actions will help her feel more at ease.
Support her in getting restful sleep. Quality sleep is crucial for a woman coping with PMS. Avoid disturbing her rest by keeping the TV on loudly or staying up late. Instead, try calming activities that will help her fall asleep, such as lighting a lavender-scented candle or preparing a cup of warm tea for her.
Minimizing Potential Disagreements
Don’t blame her mood on her period. Even if you know her period is approaching or recognize familiar symptoms, keep those observations to yourself. Many women, especially when feeling down, can take offense if you suggest that her mood is due to "that time of the month." It may seem like you’re dismissing her feelings by attributing them solely to her period.
- Instead of saying, "Wow, you must be PMSing," try saying, "You don’t seem to be in the best mood right now, is there anything I can do for you? Would you like me to get you something to eat or run you a bath?"
Avoid negative surprises. If you know she might be feeling a little moody, try not to bring up any upsetting news unless it's urgent. Wait for a time when she can handle the information in a better state of mind.
- For example, if an ex contacts you, it might be wise to hold off for a few days before sharing the news with her.
- However, there are situations that require immediate communication, such as losing your job or admitting to dishonesty.
Handle sensitive questions with care. Questions like "Does this make me look fat?" can be tricky at any time, but they can become even more sensitive when she's premenstrual. Try to avoid engaging in these types of discussions or, at the very least, reassure her positively. A little positivity can help improve her mood.
- If she asks if she looks fat, you can respond with, "No, I think you look amazing today."
- If she picks a fight over something small, like you missing a spot while washing dishes, you can say, "Sorry, honey. Let me get that. How about we watch a movie in a bit?"
Let her take the lead. When your girlfriend isn’t feeling her best, avoid arguing about what to watch or do. During these days, don't contest her choices when it comes to movies, TV shows, food, or activities. Just spend time with her doing what she wants.
- However, if there’s a special event or circumstance, she’ll need to understand. For example, if your favorite team is playing in the finals, you should still watch the game. Promise her that you’ll watch what she wants before or after the game.
Being a Supportive Partner
Practice patience. It can be challenging to interact with someone who is on edge. If she snaps at you or does something to frustrate you, resist the urge to react angrily. Responding in kind will only escalate things. Instead, take a few deep breaths, step away from the situation briefly, and return once you’re calm enough to handle things with a clear mind.
- Give her some leeway during this time, but still maintain your boundaries. Even if she's not feeling her best, she shouldn't be raising her voice or being disrespectful.
Don't take it to heart. During this phase, her emotions may be running high, and the best way to deal with it is by staying composed and calm. Instead of responding to her sharply, even if you feel she’s being unreasonable, simply say, "Okay, I understand, let’s talk about it later."
Show compassion. Recall a time when physical changes made you irritable. Was there ever a moment when lack of sleep made you short-tempered? Put yourself in her position—she’s likely dealing with physical discomforts, and her hormones are fluctuating, which can also affect her emotions.
- Use these reflections as a way to deepen your compassion for her.
Ask her how you can help. During her PMS, check in to find out what she needs from you. While it’s great to take the initiative and do things for her, she may have specific requests that you hadn’t considered. She may need you to run errands or simply want some comfort from you. Whatever it is, do your best to meet her needs.
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Refrain from making period-related jokes.
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A simple "I love you" at the right moment can often help lift her spirits when PMS emotions take over. Hugs and kisses are equally effective.
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Many women find relief from PMS symptoms through over-the-counter medications. Being familiar with these products and keeping some on hand can be a great way to show support—offer to get them if she needs them.
Important Reminders
- Never dismiss your girlfriend’s emotions as being insignificant. They are genuine feelings, even if they are heightened due to hormonal changes.
- Avoid attributing all relationship issues to her period. Take the time to explore and identify the real underlying issues in your relationship.
- Don't enable negative behavior. While everyone experiences emotions, they still have the ability to make choices. PMS is not a justification for ongoing poor treatment. If your girlfriend consistently treats you badly, it's your responsibility to step away and seek a healthier relationship with someone who will treat you with respect.
