How to Talk to Someone You Like When You're Shy

Practice greeting people. The more you practice, the easier it will become, and you'll grow more comfortable introducing yourself. Hone this skill by complimenting or greeting at least one person daily. You can say hello to classmates or strike up a conversation with someone sitting near you in class. Once you feel more confident, try greeting the person you like.

• Take small steps. Start with a simple "hello." As you gain confidence, ask how people are doing. Gradually, you'll build the courage to talk to the person you like!
• You don't have to say "Hello." Use any greeting that feels more natural to you, such as "Hi there!" or "Hey!"

Prepare a few conversation topics in advance. If you know a little about the person you're interested in, think about their interests and what you can ask them, or shared interests you can discuss. If you don't know much, consider general topics that both of you can easily talk about, such as cultural trends or current events.

• For example, if they love music or sports, you could ask, 'Hey, how was the game last night?' or 'I heard your band performed really well! When's the next show?'
• If you're in the same class or activity, bring up related events or make a humorous comment. This way, you can create a fun story between the two of you or have something to revisit next time.
• Preparing doesn't mean scripting the entire conversation—stay attentive and genuine when talking to them.

Take deep breaths to relax. Shyness can make you feel stiff, but a few deep breaths can help ease tension and calm your mind. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, take a few seconds to breathe in and out deeply.

• Try deep breathing. Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, then exhale for 8 counts.

Smile to appear confident and feel confident. Smiling is a powerful way to improve your mood and make you seem friendly and approachable. Even a small smile can help you relax and appear more charming. When you feel nervous around someone you like, smile at them.

• This doesn't mean you have to grin like a Barbie doll all the time. Instead, smile naturally when you see them to show you're comfortable around them.
• Try to smile with your eyes; it makes your expression more genuine.

Start with a compliment. If you've never talked to the person you like, it might be hard to find common ground or a reason to start a conversation. An easy way to connect is by complimenting or commenting on their outfit.

• If they're wearing a shirt with a logo of a band you love or a place you've been to, you have a great opportunity to start a conversation. For example, you could say, 'That's my favorite band! Did you just see their concert?' or 'Da Lat is so beautiful this season—did you just visit?'
• Compliments are an easy way to start a conversation because neither of you is obligated to continue after the initial interaction, but you still have the option. Once you've started, you can smile and greet them whenever you meet, which can help build a connection.

Ask them for a small favor. Borrowing a piece of paper or a pen is an easy and low-pressure way to start a conversation. This type of interaction creates what’s known as the 'Ben Franklin Effect': the person you ask is more likely to like you and form a connection with you.

• Of course, if you keep asking for one favor after another, it can become annoying, so don’t overuse this tactic. One or two requests are enough.

Invite them to study together. If you’re in the same class, study sessions are a simple and low-pressure way to spend more time talking. Before an exam or quiz, casually ask if they’d like to study with you.

• For example, you could say in a friendly tone, 'Hey, Hương, how do you feel about tomorrow’s test? Do you want to review the vocabulary together tonight?'
• Depending on how well you know each other, you could study in public places like the library or a café, or at your home.
• If you’ve never talked to them before, you could form a study group with a few other friends and casually invite them to join. This makes your invitation less pressured and more general, rather than direct and sudden.

Ask questions. Once you’ve started a conversation, asking questions is the easiest way to keep it going. Your questions also show that you genuinely care about them and help reduce your own pressure. If you feel too nervous, try asking questions and let the other person talk while you take time to calm down.

• Some topics you can ask about include their interests, hobbies, career, weekend plans, or ask for recommendations on books or movies worth watching.

Maintain eye contact. Shyness might make eye contact challenging, but try not to look away. Show the person you like that you’re paying attention by maintaining eye contact throughout the conversation. However, staring is just as bad as avoiding eye contact, so the rule of thumb is to look at them 1/3 of the time when you’re speaking and 2/3 of the time when you’re listening.

• Maintaining eye contact is important because it shows the other person that you’re listening.
• The reason you shouldn’t stare the entire time is simply that it can make the other person uncomfortable.
• Occasionally glance away for a few seconds; you can look at something behind their shoulder, or if you’re sitting, look down at your lap.