Buzz
How to know if he's hoping to make amends (and if it's worth giving him another chance)
Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but sometimes, a major argument can lead to a deeper rift, whether with your boyfriend or a close male friend. However, a fight doesn’t have to spell the end, and there are ways to spot if he's secretly wishing things were different. We consulted with psychologists and dating experts to share the key signs he's yearning for reconciliation after a fight, how to tell if he's ready to work things out, and the steps you can take moving forward.
Signs He Might Want to Reconnect After a Fight
If he's hoping to reunite, he'll likely reach out to apologize, or show excitement and gratitude when you take the first step. He might also keep an eye on your social media or ask your mutual friends about you. Sometimes, he may try to make you jealous or act unpredictably—both signs he’s still emotionally invested.
What to Do Next
Signs He Wants to Reconnect with You
He keeps his distance but doesn’t completely cut you out. Dating coach Erika Kaplan refers to this as 'submarining,' where he’s not fully engaged in your life but keeps resurfacing every now and then. He might still be around your friends, or you might bump into him at familiar spots you used to frequent together. If he keeps showing up without making a direct move, there could still be something there.
- Context matters here. In a small town, he might not have many alternatives. However, if you keep running into him in unexpected places, it’s more likely that he’s still holding on.
He engages with your social media. Kaplan notes, 'If he’s checking out your social media or liking your posts, it suggests he’s keeping an eye on your life and how you're spending your time.' Does he like your photos? Watch your stories? Still follow you and not block you? It’s a good indicator that he's likely still interested but doesn’t want to admit it.
- If he’s blocked you on everything and ignores your updates, he’s likely trying to keep his distance.
- If he’s sharing how much he’s hurting or missing you on social media, that’s a clear sign he regrets the fight.
He reaches out to you for no apparent reason. According to dating coach Lisa Shield, if your ex contacts you, perhaps 'for advice,' it usually means he’s not over you. Often, these messages come with no real reason or a weak excuse like wanting to 'check in.' This likely indicates he still has feelings.
- However, sometimes exes need to communicate for practical matters. For instance, if he’s texting to arrange picking up his belongings, it doesn’t necessarily carry emotional meaning.
He shows signs of jealousy when you talk to other guys. Clinical psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz explains, 'It’s natural to feel jealous,' particularly after a breakup or argument. This jealousy signals that he still wants you and doesn’t want anyone else to have you. When he sees you with other guys, does he act moody or ask who you're hanging out with? Does he criticize your friends or new romantic interests? It may not be mature behavior, but it’s a strong sign he’s feeling possessive.
He attempts to make you feel jealous. Dr. Schewitz notes that after a breakup or argument, especially between exes, trying to provoke jealousy is a common tactic. If he's still trying to make you jealous, it shows that you're still on his mind and, in some way, he still cares. After all, if he didn’t care, he’d have completely removed himself from your life.
- For example, he might mention a new person he’s dating or boast about his latest achievements.
He’s emotionally unpredictable. After an argument, both of you likely have mixed feelings. If the fight is truly the end, he’ll show it. But if he’s warm and distant in turns, it means he's still undecided, and there's a good chance he still wants you.
- One moment he might ignore you, but the next, he could surprise you with a gift or make a joke. It’s confusing, but only because he’s torn himself.
He inquires about you from others. Relationship coach Julia McCurley says that if he’s asking mutual friends about you, it’s a clear sign that he still has feelings. It means he’s thinking about you and wants to know what’s happening in your life, but doesn’t want to ask you directly, so he uses a more indirect method to gather information.
- Wait for someone to bring it up in conversation. It’s tempting to ask friends if he’s mentioned you, but doing so signals that you still have feelings for him.
He seems receptive to your attempts to reach out. If you try to contact him and he doesn’t completely shut you out, that’s a strong indication that he’s still open to reconnecting. He hasn't totally dismissed you, meaning there could still be a chance for reconciliation, provided you both handle things carefully!
He talks about the past. When you speak, he may bring up happy memories you shared. This is his way of reminding you of the good times in your relationship, in hopes of rekindling things. However, be cautious and reflect on whether those positive moments outweigh the negative ones. After all, there’s a reason you fought in the first place.
Signs He Truly Wants to Repair the Relationship
He takes the first step to reach out. Effective communication is crucial in any relationship. If he’s ready and mature enough to recognize this, he’ll make the effort to reach out to you and begin the healing process. It takes a lot of courage to set aside his pride and take the initiative, which shows that he’s emotionally mature enough to move forward.
- This also depends on the situation. If you played a part in the argument, you might consider making the first move as well.
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 2,415 Mytour readers on what would make them most hopeful about reuniting with their ex, and 50% of them said reaching out and initiating contact after a period of silence. [Take Poll]
His apology feels genuine. A real apology doesn’t shift blame or escalate the situation. It’s one that takes responsibility for his actions, acknowledges the hurt caused, and shows a desire to make amends. If he comes to you with a sincere, heartfelt apology and shows a clear understanding of what went wrong, consider accepting his apology.
- If his apology comes across as sarcastic, weak, or he avoids admitting his part in the conflict, it’s a sign he may not truly care or understand his mistake. (Hint: 'I'm sorry you feel that way' is not an apology!)
He understands his mistake and is committed to fixing it. If he genuinely wants the relationship to thrive, he’ll acknowledge his wrongdoings and make a concrete plan to prevent them from happening again. Otherwise, you’ll just fall into a cycle of repeating the same issues.
- For instance, if your argument was about his flirtatious behavior with other women, he’ll apologize and assure you he’ll act more professionally around them.
- Most importantly, he’ll back up his words with consistent actions, not just promises that fade over time.
He listens to you and respects your boundaries. After a disagreement, emotions can be raw. If he truly cares about your well-being, he’ll respect your boundaries and be mindful of your feelings. He won’t pressure you to get back together or force his way back into your life. Instead, he’ll approach things patiently, taking the time to rebuild trust at a pace that feels right for you.
- If, however, he keeps bombarding you with messages even after you’ve asked him to stop, it shows he’s not mature enough for a healthy relationship.
Moving On
Consider if the relationship is truly salvageable. This step requires brutal honesty with yourself, and it's often the most challenging. Take a deep look at the relationship and ask if you genuinely want to give it another shot. If the argument was a rare glitch in an otherwise harmonious relationship, it could be worth trying again. However, if constant conflict is the norm, it might be time to walk away.
- Reflect on whether this is a new issue, or a recurring one that never seems to get resolved, no matter how hard you try.
- If you’re considering reconnecting with an ex, remember why the relationship ended in the first place, and be mindful that old patterns tend to resurface.
Clearly communicate your needs and expectations moving forward. Once again, communication is the cornerstone! Be upfront with him about your desires for the future, and listen to his needs as well. You might crave more personal time, or perhaps you want to spend more moments together. Establish clear boundaries, and communicate what’s acceptable and what isn’t. This way, both of you are aligned.
- For example, you might now have a no-tolerance rule for dishonesty. Or, you may agree to always express your feelings openly, regardless of the circumstances.
- Remember, it’s a two-way street! Inquire about his wants and needs too, and do your best to honor his boundaries.
EXPERT INSIGHT
Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Licensed Psychologist
Honesty and open dialogue are crucial. For instance, if there has been cheating involved, it’s important to rebuild trust. This could mean allowing your partner to access your phone or computer to verify that you're being truthful about your actions.
Take things one step at a time; don’t rush back in. It might feel natural to jump right back into your relationship and act as if nothing happened, but that’s not always the wisest approach. After a conflict, the relationship has shifted, and it’s better to go slow and reacquaint yourselves. Move at a pace that feels right for both of you, and avoid rushing into old habits.
- For example, you may choose to revisit the “dating” stage, or refrain from visiting each other’s homes until you're more confident that things can work out this time.
Consider seeing a relationship therapist for guidance. Sometimes, seeking the help of a professional is the best way to address and work through relationship challenges. If you’re unsure how to fix things on your own, a therapist or relationship counselor can offer strategies for fostering a healthier relationship moving forward.
- If therapy isn’t an option, keep a trusted friend or family member involved in your process. Their perspective can be incredibly helpful.
-
If he chooses not to have you in his life, he’s completely unaware of how incredible you are! Keep your head up, and remember, the right person is out there waiting for you.
The insights in this section come from the real-life experiences of Mytour readers like you. If you have a valuable tip you’d like to share with the Mytour community, feel free to submit it in the field below.
- If he’s interested in getting back together, he’ll be eager to hear from you and take any opportunity to reconnect. If he doesn’t respond, ignores your messages, or avoids conversation, it might mean he’s in pain, but it could also indicate he’s not interested in rekindling things.
- A man who values a relationship shouldn’t leave you guessing. Pay attention to his actions—he’s either fully committed, or he’s not.
