How to Tell if She Loves You

Having a crush on her and maintaining love are two different things. Your emotions can be quite complex and chaotic when you first fall for someone, but usually, things will remain passive and emotional. However, sustaining love is much more challenging and requires effort from both sides to keep the relationship going.

• Think of "love" as a verb, or an action needed to keep the relationship progressing. Observe how she has worked with you to build and nurture the bond, and whether your connection is still as strong as when you first fell for each other, or even deeper.
• She shows that she's invested in the relationship through both her words and actions, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant these gestures might seem.

Remember how the two of you handle challenges in your relationship. Couples who struggle with conflict often exhibit behaviors like Fight, Flight, or Freeze. Specifically, they may argue (fight) and hold grudges for months or even years. They might also avoid dealing with issues by ignoring them altogether (flight). Or they could become passive (freeze), shutting down and refusing to talk about or solve the problem.

• Successful couples who have stayed together for a long time make an effort to resolve their issues. They focus on solving the problem rather than fighting or avoiding each other.
• In a healthy relationship, both partners work towards forgiving each other and letting go. Unresolved grudges can escalate into more serious conflicts and could negatively affect the relationship in the long run.

Think about whether you share the same priorities and life goals. This is an important step in creating a strong and practical bond between the two of you.

• Opposites may attract, but usually, the relationship won't last. Compatibility in interests, values, life priorities, and goals will help maintain a deep and lasting connection between both sides.

Assess whether the two of you have all four aspects of intimacy. Authors Ronald Adler and Russel Proctor II define four ways we connect with our partners: physical contact, emotional connection, mental connection, and shared activities. Practice the following exercise to see if you have all four aspects of intimacy:

• Write down the four aspects vertically, with both of your names at the top.
• For each aspect, categorize the things that are 'must-haves,' 'should-haves,' or 'nice-to-haves' in your relationship.
• Share your list with your partner and ask her to rank them, or mark the things you think she will prioritize.
• The more 'must-have-must-have' and 'must-have-should-have' combinations you have, the deeper and longer-lasting your relationship will be. No relationship stays the same forever, especially when it's healthy and full of love, so your lists may align more over time.
• Understanding each other's priorities, especially in crucial matters, will help maintain a long-lasting and loving relationship.

Ask your friends and family for their opinion about her. If those closest to you suggest you break up or stay away from her, it could mean she's not the right one for you.

• While you should trust your feelings and instincts, family and friends supporting your relationship is often a positive sign.

Pay attention to her tone of voice when she speaks to you. Compare how she talks to you with how she interacts with others. If she's always sweet, affectionate, it could mean that she sees you as someone special in her life and genuinely cares about you.

Notice if she always wants to spend time with you and calls you frequently. Long-term relationships require time investment, especially when she has to balance her studies, work, or family. Someone who truly cares about you will always make an effort to spend private time with you.

• Love triggers the brain to release serotonin, and higher serotonin levels make you constantly think about that person. The more she calls or texts you, the more she thinks about you. This is a clear sign of her affection towards you.

Observe whether she checks on you when you meet. Even small gestures like this show that she cares about the little things in your life. Such inquiries help the two of you stay connected and foster a practical relationship where you support each other.

Look for signs that she respects your opinions and personal judgments. You might have differing political views or different ways of making risotto, but regardless of these differences, she listens to your perspective and values and cares about your opinions.

• If someone truly cares about you, they'll always listen to your ideas and are willing to discuss disagreements respectfully and seriously.
• She's also comfortable asking for your advice, from something as simple as where to eat dinner to bigger decisions like whether she should change jobs. She may not always follow your advice, but she at least respects what you say and carefully considers your opinions before making a decision.

Notice if she avoids you or always asks where you are. Someone who genuinely cares about you will trust you and won’t feel the need to snoop through your phone or check your credit card statements to see where you've been and with whom.

• This trust is a clear indication of genuine care and is essential in any long-lasting relationship.

Think about whether she makes you happy. Someone who cares about you will always try to boost your confidence. They bring positive emotions, and you know you are always loved.

• This doesn’t mean your relationship will always be perfect, but overall, you should feel that she helps you feel more confident and motivates you, rather than making you feel low about yourself or creating negative emotions. When you're with someone who makes you feel great, you’ll not only want to spend more time with them, but even when you’re apart, you still feel good about yourself.

Choose a private and intimate setting. You’ll usually find it harder to express your feelings in crowded places, so you might want to cook dinner at home or take her to a quieter part of the park, where you can talk openly and deeply about your emotions.

• This way, both of you will feel more at ease, and the conversation will be more genuine and open.

Always be honest and straightforward. This way, you’ll be able to understand exactly how she feels about you.

Don’t be afraid to express your feelings. She may need some encouragement to open up about her thoughts, so don’t hesitate to share your emotions.

• If you feel strongly about her, let her know so she feels comfortable sharing her feelings with you.