Buzz
The Friend Zone. That awkward space where you might find yourself when your crush starts raving about the hot guy in her chemistry class. The space where the guy you like places you when he begins belching and scratching without a care, treating you like one of the guys. Wondering if you're stuck in the Friend Zone, or if there's something more when you lock eyes? Check out Step 1 to begin uncovering the truth.
Important Things to Consider
- Assess your emotional connection. Do they share their crushes, call you by playful nicknames, or confide in you about their troubles? These signs suggest you're in the friend zone.
- Observe the physical side of your relationship. If they're shy, playful, or frequently initiate touch, it's a good sign of a crush. If not, you may be stuck in the friend zone.
- Consider your time together. If they often invite others along, try to play matchmaker, or frequently ask for favors, it’s likely you're in the friend zone.
Steps to Take
Understanding What Your Crush Shares With You
Notice if you're the person your crush confides in when things go wrong. If your crush turns to you for support every time there's a problem, it's a strong sign you're in the Friend Zone. When someone is romantically interested, there’s usually an air of mystery and excitement, but if your crush shares every little detail and issue with you, it suggests they see you as a close friend.
- If your crush says things like, "I wanted to call you the moment this happened," or "Your opinion really matters to me," or "I’m so grateful I can rely on you," it’s a clear sign that you're viewed as a great friend.
See if your crush talks about other people they like. If your crush constantly shares their interest in others, it's a major indicator you're stuck in the Friend Zone. When they go on about liking someone else or their romantic interests, and repeatedly ask for your advice without showing any romantic interest in you, you are definitely in the Friend Zone.
- If they mention how "None of the guys in my class are as great as you…" or "I don’t think I’ll ever find someone right for me…" this may be a hint that you could be the one they’re looking for.
- Sometimes people treat their crushes like best friends, indicating a deep trust that's important for both friendships and romantic relationships.
Notice if your crush gives you playful, friendly nicknames. If your crush refers to you with cute, but decidedly non-romantic nicknames like "Buddy," "Brother," "Sister," "Champ," "Slugger," or "Kiddo," you're likely solidly in the Friend Zone. While it doesn’t mean they’ll never see you romantically, right now, it’s clear that you’re seen as a friend first and foremost.
See if you're the one comforting your crush after a breakup. This is a huge sign that you’re deep in the Friend Zone. If your crush just went through a breakup, and you’re the one they turn to for support—like with ice cream and a Love Actually DVD—then it’s pretty clear you’re just a friend. If you're the one offering comforting words like, "You deserve so much better..." or "How could anyone not want to be with you?" it’s a sure sign that you’re in the Friend Zone.
- If your crush opens up to you during such a vulnerable moment, it's likely that they only see you as a friend.
Observing What You Do Together
Notice if your crush feels comfortable changing in front of you. If your crush is at ease changing clothes around you without any awkwardness, it's likely they don’t see you romantically and may assume you're not attracted to them either. Whether you’re at the pool, the beach, or just hanging out, if your crush doesn’t think twice about changing in front of you, you might be stuck in the Friend Zone.
- If your crush changes in front of you or wears more revealing clothes, such as a swimsuit at the beach, pay attention to their behavior. Does the guy you like glance down at his chest when he removes his shirt? Does the girl you like fidget with her swimsuit when you're together? If so, they may feel self-conscious around you.
Think about whether you've shared a bed without any cuddling or holding hands. This is classic friend or sibling behavior. If you and your crush end up in the same bed, on opposite sides or sprawled out without any romantic gestures, you’re in the Friend Zone. Though this situation may not come up often, it's a revealing moment for understanding where your relationship stands.
- If your crush is wearing goofy pajamas or their retainer, it’s even more likely that you’re just friends. If they don't seem interested in looking appealing to you, it's because they see you purely as a friend.
Consider whether your crush has introduced you to their family. If their family is curious about why you haven't taken the relationship further, you are likely in the Friend Zone, as you're a couple in every way except romantically. When someone has strong feelings for you, introducing you to their family is a big step.
- Keep in mind, however, that feelings can change over time. You may have met their family a while ago, and only recently have they developed romantic feelings for you.
See if your crush acts completely at ease around you. If they do, this is another sign you’re in the Friend Zone. When someone is romantically interested, they will usually feel some level of nervousness, fidgeting, laughing awkwardly, or trying to impress you. But if your crush is comfortable around you and doesn’t care how they look or act, it’s likely you’re just friends.
- If you never notice any signs of nervousness, preening, or self-consciousness when you're together, you're probably just a friend.
- If your crush says things without worrying about how they sound or correcting themselves, it's a strong indication that you're only friends.
- Pay attention to how your crush dresses when you meet. If they seem unconcerned about their appearance, not wearing makeup, or putting on casual clothes without effort, they might just view you as a friend.
Notice if your crush tries to matchmake you with others. This is a major indicator that you're in the Friend Zone. If the girl you're into frequently talks about a cute classmate or a relative she thinks you’d be perfect for, that’s a clear sign. It gets even worse if she invites you out and brings a friend along, clearly with the intent of setting you up.
- Think about it: if your crush were interested in you, would they be trying to pair you with someone else?
- This could be their way of nudging you to pursue feelings for someone else.
Pay attention to whether you always end up doing what your crush wants. If the guy you're into truly likes you, he’ll make an effort to engage in activities you enjoy, whether it's hiking or attending a sports event. But if you’re constantly being pulled into activities like shopping or grabbing ice cream, it might mean he doesn’t feel the need to impress you. Think back to the last time you got your crush to do something you wanted.
- This is especially true if your crush constantly asks for advice on what to wear or how his outfit looks. If he does, it could be a sign he doesn't see you as someone he could date.
Notice if you and your crush engage in physical contact often. If your crush shares romantic feelings for you, there’s a good chance you’ll be physically touching, whether it’s playful nudges or casually brushing arms. But if you never touch, even in situations where it would feel natural, like when you're both reaching for the same item, it might be because your crush just doesn’t see you that way.
- If your crush treats you like one of the guys, however, there may still be some physical contact, but it’s likely to remain friendly. You could test this by finding an excuse to lightly touch your crush’s arm or give them a playful shove to gauge their reaction.
Think about whether you’re constantly doing favors for your crush. If you're always running errands, like walking their dog or picking up lunch when they’re busy, it’s a strong sign that your relationship isn’t romantic. When your crush feels no hesitation to ask for non-romantic favors, it means they're likely not interested in you romantically. A person who’s romantically interested wouldn’t treat you like an unpaid assistant.
Notice if your crush frequently invites others to join when you hang out. If you’re always trying to get some one-on-one time with your crush, but they consistently bring along a crowd—siblings, friends, neighbors—this indicates that they don’t see the relationship developing into something romantic. It doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen later, but for now, your connection isn’t in a romantic space.
- If your crush saw you as a romantic interest, they’d be looking for ways to be alone with you rather than ensuring you're never together without an audience.
Join the Conversation...
I’m a guy, and I’ve been best friends with this girl since we were kids. I’ve always kind of had a soft spot for her, and I think she might have felt the same, but nothing has ever happened. What can I do to step out of the friend zone and ask her out? I’m nervous about rejection or causing awkwardness if I take the wrong approach. What should I do?
I don’t think you should drastically change who you are just to get out of the friendzone, but if you focus on becoming the best version of yourself, it could make you more appealing to your friend! Identify specific areas you want to improve, set some goals, and work toward them! For example, if you feel out of shape, create a workout plan. Or, if you wish you had more time for your hobbies, work on better managing your time or rearranging your schedule. People are drawn to those who know what they want in life and put effort into achieving their goals!
If you’ve never had a conversation about possibly dating each other, and it doesn’t seem like that’s an option, I’d advise keeping your friendship as it is. Trying to cross the line and ask her out could fundamentally change your bond. If you do ask her out, she may start questioning whether you’ve ever been ‘true friends,’ which can be hard to recover from.
If you decide to go ahead and ask, I suggest being straightforward. Say something like, 'I’ve developed strong feelings for you, and I’m sorry if this feels like a betrayal of our friendship, but would you ever be interested in going on a date with me?' Be very clear about your intentions. If she declines and it changes the dynamic of your friendship (which it likely will), that’s something you’ll have to deal with. I’m sorry there’s no simple solution to this—it’s a tough situation.
If you decide to go ahead and ask, I suggest being straightforward. Say something like, 'I’ve developed strong feelings for you, and I’m sorry if this feels like a betrayal of our friendship, but would you ever be interested in going on a date with me?' Be very clear about your intentions. If she declines and it changes the dynamic of your friendship (which it likely will), that’s something you’ll have to deal with. I’m sorry there’s no simple solution to this—it’s a tough situation.
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