How to Tell if Your Boyfriend is Cheating

Are you suspicious that your boyfriend might be seeing someone else? Perhaps he's acting differently, spending less time with you, or becoming more secretive and less invested in your relationship. It’s best to pay attention to his behavior, ask questions, and gather evidence before accusing him of cheating.

Pay attention if he’s always protective of his phone. If your boyfriend is seeing someone else, he will likely be very cautious with his phone and computer. Does he get angry when you touch his phone or computer? He might be using it to communicate with the other person and tries to keep you from seeing it.

• If you ask, "Who called/texted you?" he might say, “No one,” or “Don’t worry about it.”
• Does he delete all his messages on his phone or Facebook before letting you use his phone?
• Does he quickly pick up the phone to answer calls before you can see who’s calling?

Pay attention to his daily routine. If your boyfriend is seeing someone else, he'll need to make time for the other person and adjust his daily schedule. Are you familiar with his usual routine? If he starts spending more time with his friends, his classes get longer, or he’s working late more often, you might have a reason to be suspicious.

• Your boyfriend may start choosing other activities over spending time with you. You’re no longer his top priority.

Notice if he’s becoming more secretive. Does he shut the door when you’re nearby? Does he go into another room to take phone calls? If he’s interested in someone else, he may begin distancing himself from you.

• Observe his life for any secretive behavior. Has he started socializing with people you don’t know?
• If you ask where he’s been or how his day went, does he give you vague or evasive answers?

Think about whether he’s showing less affection than before. If your boyfriend is cheating on you, he might become less affectionate. Has he stopped holding your hand, caressing, kissing, or making love with you? Has he lost interest in the physical side of your relationship?

• Remember, your boyfriend might not be as affectionate because he’s stressed or facing health issues. You need to consider other signs before concluding that his lack of interest is due to another person.

Watch for unusual behaviors. Your boyfriend may begin acting differently because he feels guilty about cheating. These behaviors can be positive or negative and typically include:

• Buying gifts without any special occasion.
• Being overly eager and affectionate.
• Starting arguments with you.
• Having mood swings.
• Smelling different (e.g., another person’s perfume).
• Paying more attention to his appearance (e.g., new clothes, a new haircut, or joining a gym).
• Lying about both important and trivial matters.
• Speaking in a way that’s not typical for him.
• Keep in mind, unusual behavior doesn’t always mean someone is cheating.

Consider how much time you both spend together. Does your boyfriend make time for you, or is he always busy? Do you feel like you and he have separate lives? Are you unaware of what’s going on in his life, and vice versa?

• No matter how busy you both are, he should still find time to meet and talk to you.
• Also, pay attention to whether the amount of time you spend together has changed. Did you used to meet four times a week, but now it’s only once, without any explanation? This could be a sign he’s up to something.
• Have a conversation with your boyfriend about these changes before jumping to conclusions about his faithfulness.

Evaluate the quality of your interactions with your boyfriend. It’s not just about the amount of time you spend together; the quality of that time is just as important. Do you feel happy when you’re with him, or are you just arguing all the time? Does he seem distant or more affectionate?

• If you both used to enjoy being together but now seem to argue every time, it could be a sign he’s enjoying the company of someone else, or he might be stressed about something else and taking it out on you.

Assess his level of interest in you. Even when he’s physically with you, does he seem disinterested or indifferent toward your relationship? Do you get the feeling he’s not really concerned about you? Is his behavior toward you cold and detached?

• For example, does he always expect you to call or text him first?
• Are you always the one planning dates or suggesting things to do together? Has he ever proposed any ideas for activities?
• Does he seem uninterested in talking and barely listens when you’re together?

Listen to your intuition. Perhaps deep down, you feel like something’s off between you and him. You may not be able to pinpoint exactly what’s wrong, but you sense that something is going on. Don’t ignore that feeling.

• Intuition is often the first signal that you need to look for other red flags.

Talk to your boyfriend. When you have doubts, you’ll start noticing signs and think he’s cheating. However, it’s best not to jump to conclusions too quickly. He might be hurt if you accuse him of seeing someone else when it’s not true. Talk to him about what you’ve observed and listen to his explanation.

• You can say, "Hey, you’ve seemed a bit irritable lately and a bit distant. Is everything okay?"
• Or you could say, "I’ve noticed we’ve been seeing each other less recently. Do you think that’s alright?"
• "Do you feel like we’re not as close as before? I really want things to improve. What do you think?"
• If you find out he’s lying, you can say, "You weren’t honest with me about ___. I’m really upset about it. What’s going on?"

Check his social media accounts. Take a look at your boyfriend’s social media profiles to see if he's chatting with people you don’t recognize. Look for any photos that he’s liked or marked as ‘favorites.’ You should also consider searching for him on other social platforms that you might not be aware of, as he may be using those to talk to someone else.

• Pay attention to how often he’s on social media. Spending more time there could be a sign of deceptive behavior.
• If you know his password, you could go through his accounts to see who he’s been texting. However, this is a serious invasion of privacy, and he’ll likely be furious if he finds out. Make sure your suspicions are solid before taking this step.

Talk to his friends. If your boyfriend tends to lie about his whereabouts, you can talk to his friends to see if their stories match. Keep in mind that his friends are likely to support him and might not tell you his true intentions. Be cautious when asking your questions.

• For example, if he says he was out with a friend on Thursday night, you could ask that friend, "Hey, Son, did you and Hung have a good time Thursday night?"
• You could also ask him, "Hey, did you and Son enjoy Thursday night? Where did you two go?"
• If your boyfriend is involved with someone else, his friends may act differently when you're around. They may not behave naturally if they know what's going on.

Expose his lies. Ask him where he was on a particular day, then ask again after a few days. If he’s lying, he’ll have trouble remembering what he said earlier. Compare his answers to see if they match.

• If he gets upset or annoyed when you ask the same question twice, it’s a red flag that he may be lying. A truthful person won’t get frustrated by your questions.
• If he spends a lot of time on social media, check his posts and activity from the time you’re suspicious about. Look for anything that doesn’t add up.

Check his phone. Wait until he’s asleep or in the bathroom, and grab his phone. This might be tricky if he always carries his phone with him. If you don’t know his password, try pretending to be affectionate and glance over his shoulder when he types it in. That way, you’ll learn his password.

• You could also try standing close to him when he’s using his phone to see if anything suspicious shows up.
• Once you access his phone, quickly check his call log and messages, paying close attention to any unsaved numbers.
• If there are no messages in his phone, he might have deleted them because he’s hiding something.
• Remember, checking someone’s phone is a major invasion of privacy. If he finds out, he will likely be angry and may not trust you anymore. Only consider doing this as a last resort.

• Talk to others. You need to express your feelings and relieve whatever is weighing on your mind. This will help you feel more at ease.
• Believe in yourself.
• Make an effort to stay calm.