Buzz
Opening up to your parents about your depression can feel daunting. You might worry they won’t take it seriously or that you’ll face stigma. However, following these steps can help make the process smoother. Start by preparing thoroughly for the conversation—gather information about depression and your symptoms. Then, sit down and talk directly with your mom or dad. Finally, let them know how they can support you during your treatment journey.
Steps to Follow
What to Say and How to Say It
Recognize the Symptoms of Depression. Before discussing your depression with your parents, ensure your symptoms align with what you’re experiencing. Research more about depression from reliable sources like the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).
- Depression in teens and young adults under 20 can manifest in various ways. You might feel hesitant, experience physical pain, anger, or extreme sadness. You may also struggle academically—feeling unmotivated, having trouble focusing, or remembering things.
- Lately, you might have been withdrawing from friends and family, preferring to be alone. You could be having trouble sleeping or sleeping too much. You may also try to numb your emotions with drugs, alcohol, or other risky behaviors.
- Even if you’re unsure whether what you’re experiencing is depression, discussing your symptoms is crucial to getting help.
Acknowledge that this will be a challenging conversation. You might cry, or your parents might cry. This is completely okay. Depression is a tough topic to discuss, and you’re doing the right thing by addressing it before things get worse.
- It’s likely your parents have already noticed something is wrong. They just don’t know what it is or how to help. By naming the issue, you’ll help them feel better and know how to act.
Seek guidance from a trusted person. You might be worried about your parents’ reaction to mental health issues. If so, consider reaching out to a school counselor, coach, or teacher for advice. This can help you mentally prepare for the conversation with your parents.
- You could start by saying, “I think I might be struggling with depression, and I’m not sure how to bring it up with my parents.”
- This trusted person could even arrange a meeting with your parents, allowing you to share your situation in a safe and comfortable environment.
Decide who to tell first. Consider whether you want to talk to your dad, mom, or both at the same time. Often, we feel closer to one parent, so think about who might respond better or if one parent’s behavior is contributing to your depression.
- In such cases, talk to the person you feel most comfortable with. They can help you communicate with the other parent later.
Write a letter. If you’re struggling to find the right words, consider writing a letter. Sometimes, talking about your emotions is too hard. You might feel more comfortable sharing your situation indirectly through a letter or message.
- Make sure to use a serious tone so your parents understand the gravity of the situation. Describe your symptoms, explain how they’re affecting your life, and ask to see a doctor.
Practice what you want to say. Discussing serious issues like depression can be difficult to do spontaneously. Practice by talking in front of a mirror or role-playing with a close friend. This will help you feel more comfortable during the actual conversation.
- Consider jotting down key points you want to cover. This ensures you don’t miss anything if emotions overwhelm you.
Anticipate potential questions. Prepare yourself to explain depression and describe your emotions and symptoms to help them understand. Based on prior research, you can share insights on how parents can collaborate to support you. Your parents will likely have many questions. You can think ahead about your responses or simply say you’d feel more comfortable discussing this with a mental health professional. Here are some examples of questions your parents might ask:
- Do you have any thoughts of harming yourself or committing suicide?
- How long have you been feeling this way?
- Is there something specific causing you to feel like this?
- What can we do to help you feel better?
- Your parents might ask additional questions after hearing your answers. You may need to talk extensively about depression before they fully understand, but subsequent conversations will be easier than the first.
Initiate the conversation
Choose the right moment to talk. Pick a time when neither you nor your parents are distracted. It should be a quiet moment for a one-on-one discussion or a private setting with both parents. Occasions like long car rides, doing household chores, quiet afternoons, or taking a walk together are ideal for starting the conversation.
- If your parents are busy, ask when they’ll have time. You can say, “I have something very important to discuss with you. When would be a good time for us to talk privately?”
Let them know this is serious. Sometimes, parents make the mistake of not taking their child’s psychological issues seriously. You can grab their attention by emphasizing the importance of the matter from the start.
- You can convey your message by saying, “I have a really serious issue that I need your help with,” or “This is hard for me to talk about, so I hope you’ll listen.”
- In some cases, the opportunity to talk and the seriousness of the issue will naturally reveal itself. For example, you might break down crying and pour out your emotions, or you might express sadness about school, prompting your parents to ask questions.
Focus on yourself when discussing emotions. Centering the conversation on yourself will make your parents less defensive and more receptive. For instance, saying, “I feel really sad when you two argue,” might make them think about defending themselves rather than truly listening. Instead, focus on your feelings.
- Use first-person language and emphasize your emotions: “I feel exhausted and down. I can barely get out of bed,” or “I know I’ve been irritable lately. Sometimes I feel really angry and hate myself. I even wish I could just disappear.”
Label what you're experiencing. Now that your parents understand how it’s affecting you, give a name to the issue. Share the research you’ve done and suggest they read articles you’ve found helpful. Show them resources from Mytour, such as Treating-Depression and Recognizing-Signs-of-Depression, if you find them useful.
- "I found these articles about depression. They sound a lot like what I’m going through, and I think I might have this.”
- Be firm if your parents downplay your feelings, calling them “just a bit of sadness” or “a little lack of motivation.” Let them know you meet the clinical criteria for depression.
Schedule a doctor’s appointment. Don’t just bring up depression and expect your parents to know how to handle it. Make sure they understand how concerned you are about your condition and that you need help.
- You can say, “I think I need to book an appointment with a doctor at X for an evaluation.”
- A doctor can assess whether you have depression. Seeing a doctor is the first essential step in treatment or getting a referral to a mental health professional who can help you.
- You can also ask your parents about any family history of depression or other mental health issues. This can help determine if your condition might have a genetic component.
Don’t panic if your parents react poorly. There’s a chance your parents might not respond the way you hope. They might be in denial, blame themselves, get angry, or feel scared. Remember, you’ve been dealing with depression for a while, but they’ve just learned about it. Give them time to process the information and understand their own feelings.
- If your parents are still confused, say, “It took me a while to understand depression too.” Remember, this is not your fault. You’ve done the right thing, and this is the best way for them to know about your condition.
- If your parents don’t take your situation seriously, keep talking to them (or another trusted adult) until they take action. Depression is serious, whether they believe you or not.
Seek support from your parents during treatment
Share your feelings with your parents. Opening up about depression can be challenging, but you might feel better if you try to express your emotions. Gather your courage to talk to your parents about how depression feels, especially during times when you’re struggling.
- Don’t feel guilty about having depression or try to suppress your feelings to protect your parents from worry and stress.
- Talking to your parents doesn’t mean expecting them to “fix” you. It’s just an opportunity to express your emotions and feel less alone.
- Your parents will want to know what’s wrong rather than guessing. Be honest about how you feel. This way, they can start helping you.
Create a list of ways your parents can assist you. You can help your parents by keeping them updated on your progress in managing depression symptoms. Overcoming depression might involve taking medication, ensuring evening rest, maintaining a balanced diet, and exercising. Let your parents know how they can support you in these areas.
- Make a list of ways they can aid your treatment process. For instance, they could join you for walks, play family games to reduce stress, help with medication refills, or ensure you stick to a proper sleep schedule for adequate rest.
Ask your parents to join you at doctor’s appointments if you’d like. A great way to involve them in your treatment is by bringing them to your sessions. This allows them to stay informed about your progress and ask questions if needed. Having your parents accompany you to appointments and therapy sessions can also make you feel supported during this challenging time.
- You can say, “I’d really like it if you could come with me to my next doctor’s appointment.”
See if your parents are interested in joining a support group. Your doctor might recommend local support groups for teens and young adults dealing with depression. These groups are beneficial as they connect you with others facing similar challenges. Support groups can also be helpful for parents.
- At these groups, your parents can learn how to support you during treatment. They can also connect with other parents or caregivers whose children are experiencing depression.
- The National Alliance on Mental Illness offers support groups for individuals and families. Look for NAMI support groups in your area to join with your parents.
Seek help from your doctor. If you’ve found a therapist but are struggling with your parents’ support, ask your doctor to intervene. A therapist might request a one-on-one or family session to discuss the seriousness of your condition and other related issues.
- Sometimes, parents are more responsive when concerns are validated by a mental health professional or after an official diagnosis.
