Buzz
When exchanging messages with someone you’re interested in, it’s common to fear appearing too intense. While there’s no need to overthink it if the conversation is flowing naturally, taking a calm and measured approach can be a smart move, especially in the early stages. Building a connection takes time, and finding the right rhythm is key. To help you maintain your cool and avoid seeming desperate, we’ve compiled some effective strategies for texting your crush confidently.
This article draws insights from an interview with John Keegan, a professional dating coach and founder of The Awakened Lifestyle. Explore the full interview here.
Steps to Follow
Allow her to respond before sending another message.
Sending multiple texts in a row can make you appear overly eager. During your conversations, always wait for her reply before texting again. Failing to do so might give the impression that you’re overly fixated on her responses, which isn’t ideal if you’re aiming to maintain a relaxed vibe.
- This rule doesn’t apply if you’re splitting a single thought into 2-3 consecutive texts. However, if several minutes pass without a reply, hold off until she responds.
- If she hasn’t replied in 2-3 days, it’s okay to send one follow-up message. Beyond that, the decision to respond is hers. Avoid continuously messaging someone who isn’t engaging with you.
Allow some time to elapse between your messages.
Being constantly available can make you appear unoccupied. Leaving a few minutes between texts is a good practice. It gives her something to ponder, like, “What are they up to?” or, “They seem preoccupied.” These subtle thoughts can strengthen her perception that you have a vibrant life and don’t rely on her for entertainment.
- If she’s responding quickly, don’t disrupt the flow by intentionally delaying your replies. However, in conversations with longer gaps, avoid replying immediately.
- For instance, if she takes an hour to reply due to work, wait 15 minutes to show you’re not sitting by your phone.
- If she takes 10 minutes between texts, match her pace. Mirroring her response time is a safe strategy.
Refrain from texting her daily.
Occasionally skip a day to avoid seeming overly available. A 24-hour gap between conversations is beneficial. It allows both of you to engage in other activities, providing fresh topics for future chats. It also conveys that you’re comfortable with not communicating constantly, which helps avoid appearing desperate.
- This doesn’t mean you should ignore her. If she texts daily, that’s a positive sign, and you should respond. But if she doesn’t initiate one day, let the conversation rest and take a break.
Let her initiate the conversation sometimes.
Always initiating texts can make you appear overly invested. A healthy relationship thrives on mutual interest, but if you’re always the one texting first, it might suggest you’re more into her than she is into you. This can undermine your efforts to stay relaxed and maintain a cool demeanor. While it’s fine to text her first occasionally, let her take the lead sometimes!
- If you wait for her to text first and she never does, it’s a clear sign the connection might not be mutual. While disappointing, it’s better to realize this early rather than invest weeks or months in a one-sided effort.
- Consistently being the first to text might indicate she’s not as enthusiastic about you yet. That’s okay—there’s still time—but it’s useful to know if you want to avoid seeming overly eager.
Align the length of your texts with hers.
Matching her text length creates a sense of balance. If your replies are brief while she writes detailed messages, it might come off as disinterest. Conversely, sending lengthy responses to her short texts can make you seem overly eager, which may appear desperate. Keep the conversation balanced by mirroring the length of her messages.
- This approach also helps maintain the flow of the conversation. An uneven exchange can make her feel like she’s either over- or under-communicating.
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Start QuizExplore More QuizzesStay focused on the topic and let her steer the conversation.
Align with her tone and discuss topics she’s interested in. If she shares details about her day, reciprocate by talking about yours. If she delves into deep or philosophical subjects, engage with thoughtful ideas. If she’s into humor and memes, keep the conversation light and funny. By mirroring her style, she’ll feel at ease and see you as someone she can connect with.
- Let the conversation flow naturally. While it’s tempting to rush things when you’re really into someone, taking it slow is essential to avoid seeming desperate.
Avoid bombarding her with too many questions.
Overloading the conversation with questions can make it feel like an interrogation. Excessive questioning might come across as overly eager. While a few follow-up questions can keep the dialogue alive, relying too much on them can make the exchange feel forced. Instead, focus on making statements, which come off as more relaxed and less intrusive.
- Many people are told, “Ask questions to get them talking about themselves.” While this is true to an extent, moderation is key.
- For instance, if your crush says, “I can’t wait for this weekend,” which sounds more casual: “Do you want to hang out this weekend? What are you up to?” or, “Me neither, it’s been a long week.”
Mention your busy schedule occasionally.
Casually bring up your hobbies and social life in conversations. Subtly referencing your activities or plans sends the message that you have a fulfilling life outside of texting her. Avoid outright boasting, but drop hints here and there to show you’re not just waiting around for her messages.
- For example, if she asks, “Have you seen that new Marvel movie?” you could reply, “I think I watched it with my friends a few weeks ago.”
- If she says, “I’m so ready to go out this weekend,” you might respond, “Same, I’m meeting up with some friends I haven’t seen in a while.”
- Reader Poll: We asked 651 Mytour readers how they would react if a girl started hiding her phone, and only 11% said they would give the benefit of the doubt and assume she’s busy. [Take Poll] While this approach may not be ideal according to our readers, staying composed and focusing on your own activities is a better strategy.
Keep the tone of the conversation casual and fun.
Focus on maintaining a positive and relaxed atmosphere, avoiding heavy or divisive topics. Steer clear of complex philosophical discussions, politics, or religion for now. Keep things light and avoid diving into personal beliefs or past experiences too soon. Introducing controversial topics early on can make you seem intense, which contradicts the goal of staying cool and composed.
- This doesn’t mean you should avoid sharing about yourself entirely. For example, a comment like, “I’m a huge fan of classic films too! Humphrey Bogart was incredible,” can help keep the conversation flowing.
- If she brings up a deeper topic, feel free to engage. However, the aim is to pique her interest enough for her to ask questions, which won’t happen if you reveal everything upfront.
Avoid revealing too much or expressing strong emotions too soon.
Sharing secrets or discussing serious relationships too early can overwhelm her. Save those deeper conversations for later, once you’ve built a stronger connection. Opening up too much at the beginning can make you seem overly eager or lonely, so keep your personal feelings and desires under wraps for now.
- Definitely avoid relationship talks if you’re still in the early stages of chatting. You can ask her out casually, but don’t jump into discussions about long-term commitments.
Embrace it if she teases or jokes with you.
Unless she’s being outright rude, go along with her playful teasing. Reacting defensively or seeking approval for every remark can make you appear overly sensitive or eager for validation. If she jokes around or teases you, don’t take it to heart. Respond with humor! Flirting often involves light banter, so keep the conversation fun and avoid treating it too seriously.
- For instance, if you mention liking math and she calls you a “dweeb,” resist the urge to defend yourself. Instead, playfully retort with something like, “Well, at least I’m not obsessed with English like a total bookworm 😎”
Seek advice from a confident friend.
If you’re unsure, ask a stylish friend to review your messages. One advantage of texting is having time to craft thoughtful replies. If you’re worried about seeming desperate, share the conversation with a savvy friend and ask for their input. You can even check in periodically to ensure your tone and approach are on point.
