Buzz
You've gone through the 'no contact' phase after the breakup, and now you're wondering whether or not to reach out and how to do so. In terms of 'should you or shouldn't you,' texting might be a good choice if you have clear, realistic goals in mind. As for 'how to do it,' you can check out the list below for some great ideas! Choose a few that resonate with you to get inspiration for crafting your first message after the period of silence.
Steps
Ask them to help you recall a shared memory between the two of you.
This is a great way to break the awkward silence if you want to stay friends with your ex. It's also a smart tactic if you're considering rekindling the relationship! Pick a memory that holds significance to both of you, but tell them you're seeking information about a friend or family member. This way, you avoid setting unrealistic expectations for your first message.
- “Hey, do you remember that shark movie that scared the life out of me? I was going to recommend it to you, but I totally forgot the name.”
- “My mom’s visiting, and I want to take her to that Italian restaurant with the amazing tiramisu, but you know how bad I am at remembering names of places!”
Ask them for help with an issue you're currently facing.
Try using this strategy to rekindle a friendship (or perhaps something more). Give your ex the chance to be important and play the hero. If they agree to help, it's possible they're still in love with you.
Mention something new that has happened during the 'no contact' period.
This shows that you haven't forgotten about them. In fact, even if you’ve been following the 'no contact' rule, this tactic shows that you're thinking of them in a nostalgic way rather than longing to rekindle things, which avoids appearing too eager to reconnect.
Hint at the things your ex liked or disliked to let them know you're still thinking about them.
Mention this as if you just realized it, showing that you're still thinking about them. This lets your ex know that you're thinking of them but not obsessing over them. If you're hoping to reconnect, try this strategy and see where it leads.
Share something humorous to start a conversation naturally.
Send a joke or a funny meme to break the ice when reconnecting. You can come up with something totally random or related to your shared past. Either way, it’s a great way to encourage them to respond and open the lines of communication without putting too much pressure on them.
Congratulate your ex on a recent achievement.
Complimenting your ex’s accomplishments can be a great way to spark their interest in talking. When offering congratulations, follow it up with a brief explanation of how you heard the news. This shows you're thinking of them, but not obsessively, and they will appreciate the acknowledgment.
Express sympathy for the challenges your ex has gone through.
Letting your ex know you still care is a way to potentially rebuild the relationship. Just like congratulating them on achievements, this shows that you’re still paying attention (in a healthy way), and it demonstrates thoughtfulness and affection—an advantage if you want to reconnect or just be friends.
Sincerely apologize without using it as a tactic.
This is the first step toward reconnecting with your ex. A heartfelt apology is a great starting point if you want to become friends again, rekindle the romance, or close the chapter for good. Using an apology as a quick fix to get back together won’t work in the long run—it’s likely to lead you down the same path as before. So, don’t expect anything from this message, including an apology from them.
Ask your ex about reconnecting.
Understand what you hope to achieve. Once you’re clear on your intentions—whether it’s to become friends again or rekindle the romance, etc.—be honest about wanting to reconnect with your ex. Unless you're determined to get back together immediately, take a gentle, low-pressure approach. Your ex may not be ready for this (now or ever), so don’t expect too much.
See if you two can “just be friends.”
Be upfront and give them the space to make a decision. The transition from “ex” to “friends” can be wonderful in some cases, but it can also be challenging. You need to be clear that this is what you want—that you’re not secretly hoping to reignite the romance.
Let them know you want to rekindle the relationship.
If you truly want your ex back, don’t be afraid to say it! There are many reasons people suggest not getting back together, especially if the breakup is recent. However, if you’re sure it’s the right decision, be open about it. Your ex might respond clearly, agreeing or hesitating. In any case, you can decide whether to slow things down a bit.
End the contact politely but clearly.
Close the relationship if you're ready to move on. Yes, you can just stop reaching out indefinitely, but a message like this can help you close the chapter. If your ex is still hoping for reconciliation, this will help them realize it's time to let go too. Be polite but clear to avoid any confusion.
Advice
- Messaging your ex to win them back is a challenge – but it's definitely possible!
