Buzz
Love stories that blossom from friendships often turn out to be the most enduring and meaningful relationships. If you're starting to develop romantic feelings for a close friend, it can be both thrilling and overwhelming. You may worry about risking the friendship, but at the same time, you might fear missing out on something special. By adjusting your behavior, being open about your emotions, and introducing romantic gestures, it's possible to turn your friendship into something more.
Steps
Adjusting Your Behavior
Assess your emotions. Before deciding to pursue a romantic relationship with your friend, take time to reflect on why you are drawn to them and what you hope for in the relationship. Keep in mind that revealing your feelings will forever alter your friendship.
- If you’re interested in them simply because you feel happy when they’re around, that might not be the best reason to change your dynamic.
- However, if you feel butterflies when you see them or experience jealousy when they date other people, it could be a sign that your feelings are worth exploring.
Speak to someone you trust. Before sharing your feelings with your friend, it's helpful to talk to someone you trust, such as another friend or a parent. They may have gone through similar experiences and can offer valuable advice and perspective on how to handle your emotions.
- Your shared friends can also be a great resource, as they understand both you and your friend and can provide a more neutral viewpoint.
Flirt with them gently. While it's not possible to immediately jump into a romantic relationship, you can begin to subtly set the tone for your intentions. Occasionally flirt with them to gauge their response. If they react positively or reciprocate the flirtation, it's a sign that they may also be interested in you.
Drop subtle hints. You can start dropping hints here and there about the possibility of deepening your relationship. This gives you another way to gauge their interest and can help guide you on whether to move forward or slow down.
- For example, you might say, “My mom asked me if we were dating last night. I told her no, not yet.” This will intrigue your friend, and their reaction will help you understand how they feel about you.
Make an effort to look nice when you see them. When meeting your friend, take time to look your best. Make sure you're clean, well-groomed, and dressed well. If they have a favorite color or scent, try to incorporate that into your appearance. While relationships are about more than just looks, physical attraction plays a role in sparking interest. Looking your best can help your friend notice you and see you in a new light.
Give them compliments more often. Complimenting someone is a great way to express your feelings without directly saying it. Most people appreciate compliments, and your friend is likely no different. If they look particularly good one day or excel in a school project or work assignment, let them know you admire their appearance, intelligence, or hard work.
- However, don’t go overboard with compliments. Too many can lose their impact. Stick to offering one or two a day for a while.
Modify your body language. Flirting and showing affection are more than just verbal expressions—they involve your body as well. Use your body language to communicate your feelings and give subtle signals that you are interested in them.
- Lean towards them slightly while they talk.
- Maintain soft eye contact as they speak.
- Flash a bright smile when you see them or when they say something sweet.
- Laugh at their jokes.
- Touch them in gentle, small ways. Place your hand briefly on their shoulder when you laugh, or lightly touch their knee when sitting beside them and chatting.
- Give them a hug when you meet or when you're about to leave.
Expressing Your Emotions
Clarify your thoughts. After subtly expressing that you have feelings for your friend, take some time to plan what you want to say. Be sure to communicate that you deeply value their friendship but also see the potential for something more. While they may respond positively, keep in mind that they may simply want to stay friends, and that’s perfectly acceptable.
- Writing your thoughts down might help you organize them more clearly.
Pause and reflect before speaking. This conversation will change the nature of your friendship, no matter whether they choose to date you or not. Take some time to reflect and carefully consider your decision before moving forward.
Plan a time to talk. Contact your friend and let them know you have something important to discuss. Reassure them that it’s nothing to worry about, just something you’d like to share to understand their feelings.
- Choose a calm, comfortable setting where you both feel at ease, such as a park or a coffee shop.
- If you’re very anxious about meeting in person, you could have this conversation over the phone to ease the pressure on both of you.
- If phone conversations still feel too daunting, you can write a letter to express your thoughts.
Be sincere and open. This is the moment to express your true feelings to your friend. They might share the same emotions but have been too afraid to express them. Open your heart and tell them how much you cherish your friendship, yet feel something more for them.
- Start by saying something like, “We’ve been friends for a long time, and I’ve treasured every moment of it. I enjoy it so much that I find myself thinking about you often and looking forward to our time together. I need to let you know that I have feelings for you, more than just friendship. If you don’t feel the same, I won’t be thrilled, but I’ll understand. I just couldn’t keep this to myself anymore without finding out how you feel.”
Hear them out. After you've shared your feelings honestly, give your friend space to respond. Listen to them with the intention of understanding, not immediately replying. This might be a nerve-wracking moment, but do your best to focus.
- You could say something like, “I’ve said a lot, now I’d really like to hear your thoughts. Please be honest with me.”
- Answer any questions they might have. They may wonder when you realized you had feelings for them, so it might help to reflect on that beforehand.
Give them time to reflect. Your words may have surprised them, or they may have seen it coming. Regardless, it’s a lot for them to process, so give them the time they need to sort through their emotions. Let them know you don’t need an immediate answer unless they’re ready to provide one on the spot.
- If they feel the same way, that’s wonderful! If not, it’s okay too, and life will continue.
Transforming Your Friendship
Take it slow. Don’t rush into a relationship right away. This often doesn’t lead to lasting, meaningful connections. Instead, allow the relationship to evolve naturally as you get to know each other in a new light.
- Things will feel different now that your relationship has shifted beyond friendship. Enjoy this new phase, but remain patient. Love doesn’t need to be rushed.
Spend more time alone together. If you and your partner typically hang out in groups or with mutual friends, start carving out time to be alone together. Relationships tend to grow stronger when shared in more intimate, one-on-one settings.
- Don’t neglect your friends, though. Continue spending time with them, but also make sure to dedicate time to your new relationship.
Go on a proper date. As things progress, the time will come for you to go on a real date. Plan an evening to enjoy a nice dinner or a movie together. Dates help shift the dynamic from friendship to something more romantic.
- Other date ideas include a picnic in the park or even going horseback riding.
Take your time with physical affection. While the excitement of new love can be thrilling, it’s important to pace yourself when it comes to physical closeness. The relationship is already evolving, and further changes will come as you take this step.
- Be patient and wait for the right moment.
Make a romantic gesture. To strengthen your bond, do something special for them. Love blossoms through acts of care and affection, and thoughtful gestures can make a lasting impact. Take some time to come up with a sweet surprise for them.
- Send a bouquet of flowers or write a heartfelt love letter.
- Consider giving them a small, meaningful gift.
Embrace your new love. If they were already your friend, you probably had feelings for them even before things changed. Now, as you step into this new phase, the love you share will feel fresh and exciting. Cherish it and enjoy this wonderful new chapter in your life!
- Reader Poll: We asked 371 Mytour readers if they believe that being with the right partner boosts happiness and confidence, and 96% of them said yes! [Take Poll]
Join the Conversation...
What should I do if I have a crush on my best friend? She's amazing, and we spend so much time together. But I’m unsure if she feels the same, and I’m worried about ruining our friendship.
John Keegan
Dating Coach
Dating Coach
Facing a crush on your best friend can be tough. The key is finding out if they share your feelings. Sometimes the best friends make the best lovers.
Eventually, you'll want to say something like, "I think I’m starting to feel something for you." But start subtle, just to gauge their response. For instance, when you're together, lean in and whisper something funny or compliment their appearance. Watch for the vibes and test the waters. At some point, you’ll have to ask yourself, "Is it worth risking our friendship for this?" If the answer is yes, then take the leap.
Gradually, you can increase physical contact. Suggest a hug or kiss on the cheek like a casual greeting. See how they respond. If they reciprocate, it might be time to open up and say, "I think there’s something more between us, and we should explore it."
But for now, just keep it subtle and let their reactions guide you.
Eventually, you'll want to say something like, "I think I’m starting to feel something for you." But start subtle, just to gauge their response. For instance, when you're together, lean in and whisper something funny or compliment their appearance. Watch for the vibes and test the waters. At some point, you’ll have to ask yourself, "Is it worth risking our friendship for this?" If the answer is yes, then take the leap.
Gradually, you can increase physical contact. Suggest a hug or kiss on the cheek like a casual greeting. See how they respond. If they reciprocate, it might be time to open up and say, "I think there’s something more between us, and we should explore it."
But for now, just keep it subtle and let their reactions guide you.
Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
If you talk to your friend and she doesn’t feel the same way, give yourself some space to heal. Maintain communication, but take a step back to give yourself time to recover.
Don’t make a big deal out of it or harbor any resentment. Remember the friendship you had before these feelings emerged.
Consider limiting contact on social media for a while. Have a calm discussion to clear any awkwardness and move forward. It’s important to allow yourself to grieve and let go. This might mean taking a short break from seeing each other. Focus on other activities you enjoy and re-establish your friendship. It might take some time, but it can ultimately help both of you heal.
Don’t make a big deal out of it or harbor any resentment. Remember the friendship you had before these feelings emerged.
Consider limiting contact on social media for a while. Have a calm discussion to clear any awkwardness and move forward. It’s important to allow yourself to grieve and let go. This might mean taking a short break from seeing each other. Focus on other activities you enjoy and re-establish your friendship. It might take some time, but it can ultimately help both of you heal.
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Keep things light and subtle. If you suddenly change how you act, it might make them uncomfortable. They like you for who you are, so don’t try to be someone else.
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Avoid showing off or asking them to help with things like homework or fixing something.
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Remember, most relationships start off as friendships.
Things to Keep in Mind
- Keep any changes in behavior small and subtle.
- You can’t make someone feel something they don’t feel.
- Don’t become overly obsessed.
- Don’t come on too strong.
- Many people fear losing a good friendship, so take it slow. If they feel uncomfortable, don’t push them. It might be best to remain just friends.
- Make sure they’re not already in a relationship.
- Don’t stare at them or make them feel uneasy.
