How to Turn a Stranger Girl into a Best Friend

See if you can learn a little about her beforehand. If you know a few things about her before starting a conversation—without being creepy—your first interaction will be much easier. You don’t need to be obvious; simply ask mutual acquaintances about her personality or glance at her Facebook profile to get a general idea. This way, you’ll have more topics to bring up or ideas to start a conversation.

• There’s no need to mention that you’ve asked around or checked her Facebook profile. Avoid making her think you’ve been keeping tabs on her excessively.

Introduce yourself. The first step to building a friendship is introducing yourself to her. You don’t need to come off as overly eager or act like you’re desperate to be her friend. Just say hello, share your name, and ask how she’s doing. Make sure to approach her at the right time when she’s not busy or preoccupied. Also, keep your demeanor natural.

• You could say something like, “Hi, I’m Quynh. Nice to meet you. What’s your name?” The conversation can flow from there.
• Avoid asking too many questions or sharing too much about yourself right away, as it might overwhelm her. Stay calm and give the friendship time to grow naturally.
• Wait until she’s alone to approach her. If you try to start a conversation when she’s surrounded by others, you might not make much of an impression.

Ask about her. Once you’ve started talking, you can begin asking about her to get to know her better. The truth is, when making friends, showing genuine interest in the other person matters more than trying to impress them with your own stories. Instead of worrying about being funny or interesting, focus on expressing curiosity about her. Just make sure she also gets a chance to ask you questions so it doesn’t feel like an interrogation. Here are some things you can ask about:

• Her hobbies
• Her family
• Favorite TV shows, actors, singers, and movies
• Summer plans
• Pets

Open up a little. Once you’ve talked more, you can share a bit about yourself to help you both connect better. You don’t need to reveal everything at once, but when you feel comfortable, talk about things you care about or look forward to. While it’s okay to share minor complaints, try to keep the conversation positive during your first interactions so she’ll want to spend more time with you. Here are some things you can share:

• Your siblings
• After-school activities you enjoy
• Things you like doing with friends
• Favorite foods
• Most exciting experiences
• Anything unique you’ve been through

Compliment her. You don’t need to overdo it with flattery, but a thoughtful compliment can help strengthen your bond. Choose something that makes her unique or something she values, and praise it to make her feel good about herself. Keep it light since you’re still getting to know each other; in fact, a compliment can be a great conversation starter. Here are some examples you can try:

• “I love this hairpin—it’s so pretty. Is it a family heirloom?”
• “That sweater looks great on you. I can’t pull off pink, but it really suits you.”
• “You’re so good at meeting new people. I bet you could strike up a conversation with anyone.”

Understand her personality. As you get to know her better, you’ll gain a clearer sense of who she is. She might be shy, or she could be fun and quirky but occasionally sensitive. While you should always be yourself, it’s important to recognize her personality to figure out the best way to build a friendship with her.

• If she’s sensitive, don’t blame yourself if her mood shifts suddenly; don’t take it personally and know that it will pass.
• If she’s shy, understand that it might take longer for her to trust you. Be patient and don’t push her to get close too quickly.
• If she’s quirky, embrace her uniqueness. You could suggest doing something unconventional together, like attending a Bluegrass concert or making sushi, instead of sticking to typical activities like hanging out at the mall.

Invite her to hang out. Once you’ve gotten to know her better, you can start inviting her to spend more time together. If you’ve been having fun conversations and feel a connection, you can find ways to hang out more often. Keep it casual by inviting her to something like a party you’re hosting or a movie night where you don’t have to talk the whole time. Avoid suggesting activities like long hikes or weekend trips too soon, as it might be harder to find common ground if you don’t know each other well yet.

• You could say, “I know you’re a fan of Sơn Tùng-MTP—he’s performing here this weekend, and I’m going with some friends. Do you want to join?”
• Or try, “Do you want to study for the history exam together? I find it hard to focus when I’m studying alone.”
• Keep it natural and low-pressure. Say something like, “Let me give you my number. We can plan something for the weekend.”

Check in on her. As you grow closer, you’ll naturally become part of each other’s lives. If you want your friendship to deepen and feel more meaningful, make an effort to check in with your new friend occasionally to see how she’s doing. Wish her luck before a big test or ask how her soccer game went—show her that you care about her life without being overly nosy.

• Make sure she checks in on you too. If you’re always the one initiating calls or texts, take a step back to create a balanced dynamic.
• Checking in, especially after a tough day, shows that you’re not self-centered and that you’re a thoughtful friend.

Don’t pressure her to hang out all the time. When you’re just getting to know each other, take it slow with how often you spend time together. Meeting up once or twice a week outside of school is enough to build a friendship. Once you’ve established a steady rhythm, you can hang out more often, but if you push to see her every day right away, she might feel overwhelmed and pull away.

• Don’t always be the one to initiate plans. She should invite you out too.
• Start by hanging out in group settings, then gradually do things one-on-one, like grabbing frozen yogurt or trying a yoga class together.
• As you grow closer, you won’t need to plan every meetup and can hang out spontaneously without overthinking.

Don’t get jealous of her other friends. If you want a strong friendship, take the time to get to know her other friends instead of ignoring them. While it’s natural to want her all to yourself, making jokes at their expense or refusing to get along with them will make it harder to hang out with her in group settings. Instead, genuinely make an effort to connect with her friends so you can become part of the group rather than trying to monopolize her time.

• If you act mean or cold toward her other friends, they might encourage her to distance herself from you. Do your best to make a good impression, and they’ll want to include you more.
• Ignoring her friends can also make you seem insecure or unhappy in the friendship.

Don’t try to imitate her. As your friendship deepens, you’ll naturally enjoy spending more time together and getting to know each other on a more personal level. However, you shouldn’t try to act like her just to win her favor. Many girls do this when they meet someone interesting, but it’s better to stay true to yourself and appreciate her for who she is.

• You don’t need to dress, act, or talk like her to feel closer. In fact, doing so might make her wary of you.
• If others point out that you’re starting to act like her, focus on emphasizing your own interests and personality.

Find common ground. As you get to know each other better, you can strengthen your bond by discovering shared interests. You might find that you both love the same TV show, share similar political views, enjoy creative writing, or even have the same quirky sense of humor. These connections will make your friendship stronger and give you more things to do together.

• Don’t worry if you don’t find many similarities at first. Sometimes, the most important common ground is your mindset. If you both have a resilient spirit, your friendship can thrive even without shared hobbies.
• You can also introduce each other to your favorite activities to deepen your bond. She might enjoy taking a dance class with you, and you could have a great time attending a concert together.

Support each other. Another way to strengthen your friendship is by helping each other when needed. This could mean making lunch for her when she’s busy, having her pick you up when you’re in a pinch, or simply calling each other to share your thoughts. True friends support one another and stand by each other to feel stronger and more resilient.

• She might not always admit when she needs help. However, if you notice she’s struggling and you can offer support, don’t hesitate to step in as long as she doesn’t feel overwhelmed.
• Make sure the support goes both ways. You shouldn’t always be the one helping her, and you don’t want to feel like she’s taking advantage of you.

Get to know her friends and family. If you’ve become close, try to integrate yourself into her life. When visiting her home, chat with her parents to show them you’re a good person. Be kind to her siblings, even the younger ones. If her friends are often around, get to know them and treat them like your own friends—appreciate them for who they are.

• If you don’t click with her family, don’t make it a big deal. Just be as friendly as possible.
• You can also introduce her to your family and friends, giving both sides a chance to be more involved in each other’s lives.

Make her feel good about herself. One of the most important things you can do as a potential best friend is to make her feel like she’s amazing, interesting, beautiful, and worthy of love. Offer genuine compliments, cheer her on during important events, and remind her of what makes her a unique and wonderful friend. If she’s having a bad day, send her a message to say how awesome she is; if she’s going through a breakup, invite her over for a movie night and listen if she wants to vent.

• She’ll turn to you for support, so avoid making her feel insecure about her weight, intelligence, or how she compares to you. Focus on helping her feel strong and making your friendship unshakable.
• Of course, you don’t want to overwhelm her with too much enthusiasm. Aim to make her feel good about herself, as long as she does the same for you.

Try new things together. One way to bond with your soon-to-be best friend is by exploring new and exciting activities you’ve both been curious about. Whether it’s hiking, speed dating, traveling to Finland, or taking a belly dancing class, think of something fun you both want to try and invite her to join. It’s a great way to have fun and grow closer.

• You might discover a shared passion, and it could become your special thing to do together. Before you know it, it’ll turn into a tradition!

Be there for each other on bad days. True best friends don’t just stick around for the good times—they’re also there during the tough moments. If your new friend is having a rough day, be there to cheer her up, listen, and offer advice if she needs it. Supporting each other during hard times strengthens your bond like nothing else.

• If something’s clearly wrong but she doesn’t want to talk about it, let her know you’re there to listen whenever she’s ready. Don’t push her to open up.
• Your best friend should also be there for you on your bad days. Having a strong support system makes life’s challenges easier to handle.

Give each other space. You can be best friends without spending every moment together. Make sure you both maintain your friendship even when apart, allowing time for studies, family, and personal hobbies. You don’t have to do everything together to be close, and in fact, the relationship becomes more interesting when you have time apart, as it gives you more to share later.

• You don’t want her to feel smothered. Let her have her own life without prying into every detail. If she’s hanging out with others, you don’t need to invite yourself along.
• Spend time pursuing your own interests, whether it’s songwriting or learning French, so you maintain your independence.

Make time for each other no matter what. Life will change and get more complicated as you grow older, but if you want to keep this close friendship alive, you’ll need to make an effort to talk and spend time together, even if it’s not as often as before. Even if you live on opposite sides of the country, call, text, or email each other at least a few times a month and meet up at least once a year if possible.

• Your bond can be strong enough that you feel close even without frequent meetings. But if you truly care, make an effort to keep this best friend in your life.

Learn to grow together. Both of you will no longer be the same girls you were when you first met. New relationships will form, interests will change, careers will shift, and you might move or face countless other complexities of adulthood. Yet, your friendship can endure even as its nature evolves. Don’t be disappointed if your friend no longer loves Miley Cyrus, doesn’t want to watch that TV show with you, or stops talking about old memories. Instead, appreciate the person she’s become, and she should do the same for you.

• Accept the changes in your best friend’s life. Don’t panic if you feel she’s not the same person you once knew.
• She should also accept who you are. You don’t need to share the same political views or favorite foods, and both of you should feel comfortable discussing these changes.

Don’t force it too much. While everyone dreams of having the perfect best friend, you might realize that this new acquaintance isn’t the right fit for you. It could be due to clashing personalities, lack of time to connect, or differences so vast that conversations often turn into arguments. Whatever the reason, if you feel she can’t become your true best friend—or even a casual friend—it’s okay to move on and find someone with more common ground.

• You don’t need to cut ties completely just because she’s not best friend material. You can still be casual friends or acquaintances. After all, you can never have too many friends.

• Find common interests. Maybe you both play the same sport or instrument. Join the same group, ask if you can attend her club meetings, or do anything to spend more time around her.
• Talk to her. It might feel nerve-wracking, but she needs to know you exist. You don’t need long conversations (save those for later)—just a quick hello will do. Show her you’re interested in getting to know her.
• Offer to help. This depends on the situation, as you shouldn’t become her go-to for every request, but let her know you’re there when needed.
• Showcase your skills. This isn’t about bragging about achievements or awards, but casually mentioning them in conversation. Highlight your talents and let her see what you’re capable of. Aim to impress her so she wants to be friends with you, not just the other way around.
• Start chatting online. It’s easier than talking in person, and even asking about homework can show her you’re interested.

• If a girl doesn’t want to be friends for any reason, you don’t have to force a friendship either. Both of you should maintain a positive attitude around each other, and if she acts mean or intentionally hurts you in any way, it’s best to stop being friends with her.