Buzz
Have you ever secretly admired someone who's dating another person? Developing feelings for a girl who already has a boyfriend isn't your fault. Just make sure to respect her current relationship and avoid using manipulative tactics to sabotage her existing bond.
Steps
Build a Close Connection
Get to know her. If you don't know much about her, ask a few of her friends to share her interests. If you have mutual friends, this will be easier to figure out. Understanding her preferences can help you focus on common ground between the two of you.
- For example, if you discover she loves the same movie genres you're passionate about, try watching films at the same time so you can meet up and discuss them together.
Spend more time with her when you're in the same group. Some people quickly become friends, while others need time to get comfortable with each other. Build an emotional connection through shared activities, playful moments, and mutual comfort. If you're hanging out in the same group, try to seek her out for conversations. She might be happy or at least willing to talk to you because of your interest in her.
- Understand that this won't happen overnight. You may need to invest significant time together.
Show genuine interest in her. Let her know you're there for her when she needs someone to confide in. If she seeks your support, listen and be present. You don't need to confess your feelings or speak negatively about her current partner. Instead, engage in casual conversations, ask for her opinions, or discuss what's happening in her life.
- Your attentiveness will signal your care for her. She'll feel closer to you, even if she's in a romantic relationship.
Be patient. Building a friendship can take time. Avoid pressuring her into establishing a relationship. Instead, focus on enjoying your time together. Over time, you might become close friends, or she might reconsider her current relationship and decide to start something new with you.
- Remind yourself that being a supportive friend could encourage her to reevaluate her current relationship. She might realize you're a better match.
Be yourself. When you like a girl, it's easy to think you need to become someone she admires. For example, if she's into sports but you're not, don't pretend to enjoy them just to impress her. Be honest so she can become interested in the real you.
- If you're not genuine, the emotional connection you're building will weaken. Eventually, you'll also disappoint yourself by pretending to be someone you're not.
Uncover her feelings for you
Spend time with her one-on-one. Avoid asking her out on private dates. She’ll feel less pressure if you suggest doing something together without framing it as a romantic outing. If she consistently agrees to spend time alone with you, it’s likely she’s interested in you too.
- For example, you could grab coffee, browse music, visit a farmer’s market, or go shopping together.
Offer romantic gestures. Recall her preferences and do something special for her. Classic ideas include giving flowers or something romantic like a poem. Depending on her tastes, you could also do something unique yet equally heartfelt. For instance, if she loves unique art, consider creating something for her.
- Don’t worry about the quality or cost of your gifts. The romantic gestures themselves convey your feelings for her.
Hint that you like her as more than just a friend. During your private moments, let her know how much you enjoy being with her. Mention how much fun you have in group settings, but emphasize the value of your one-on-one time. You could also highlight how important she is to you or express the depth of your feelings.
- If you’re nervous about saying it directly, consider texting or calling her. You might find it easier to express yourself through digital communication. This also gives her time to process and respond.
Observe how she responds to your flirting. Flirt casually and see how she reacts. If she’s receptive, she might laugh, flirt back, tease you, or burst into laughter. These could be signs she’s open to starting a romantic relationship with you. If she becomes distant, asks you to stop, or seems uncomfortable, give her some space.
- You can continue spending time with her, but if she doesn’t reciprocate your flirting, consider stepping back. If she enjoys it, keep showing interest and try to spend more time together.
Ask her out on a date
Reflect on your personal needs. Before getting too close or involved with her, ask yourself what you truly want. Are you aiming to be good friends because you share common interests? Or are you seeking a romantic relationship? Since she’s already in a relationship, consider the following:
- Are you willing to wait for her current relationship to end?
- Can you let go of your feelings if she stays committed to her current partner?
- Are you open to pursuing someone else who’s available and interested in dating you?
Decide whether to ask her out. If you’ve become good friends, you might wonder if it’s time to take things further. If she’s still in love with her current boyfriend, avoid asking her out. When someone is in love, they’ve already made their choice. If she breaks up with her partner, be ready to ask her out or wait to see if she initiates.
- If you decide to ask her out, plan how to approach it. Think about what you’ll say and how you’ll phrase your invitation.
Connell Barrett
Expert in Marriage and Love
Expert in Marriage and Love
Expert advice: If the girl you like is already in a relationship, respect that bond and focus on someone who’s single and available. You can still be friends with her, and you can even flirt to let her know she’s attractive, but avoid pursuing her romantically. She might even introduce you to one of her friends!
Ask her out casually. Avoid putting too much pressure on the situation. Don’t immediately ask her to be your girlfriend. If she’s just broken up, it might be due to overwhelming pressure. Be confident and hopeful when inviting her out, and offer her a few options.
- For example, you could say, "I know you love Thai food. Would you like to try the new Thai restaurant in town with me tomorrow? Or maybe we could go to the concert this weekend?"
Respect her decision. If she declines, avoid feeling upset, arguing, or persistently asking her out. She might not be ready or interested in starting a relationship with you. Stay mature and composed if she turns you down. It’s likely she feels bad about rejecting you, so there’s no need to be harsh or offensive.
- If you’re unsure what to say, try, "That’s okay, maybe another time. I completely respect your decision." This shows you like her while acknowledging her feelings.
Be honest with yourself. If she’s still in love with her current boyfriend, don’t deceive yourself about her feelings for you. You can remain good friends, but if she’s still committed to someone else, it’s because she wants to be. Don’t convince yourself she secretly loves you or is waiting for you to make a move.
- Part of being honest is knowing when to step back. If you want more but she’s unwilling to leave her current partner, consider meeting someone else.
