Buzz
Winning your ex back might seem like an impossible mission, but it’s far from it. To achieve this, you need to reflect on what initially caused the relationship to fall apart and then showcase the best version of yourself. At some point, you’ll also need to have an honest conversation with your ex about your feelings and what you hope to accomplish.
Steps
Prepare Yourself to Win Your Ex Back
Maintain distance. Whether you want to get back together or not, avoid contacting them. Don’t reach out to process your emotions, deal with the breakup, or move forward. Even if both of you want to reconcile, you still need time for yourself, and so do they.
Tip: Avoid texting your ex or responding to their messages until you feel you’ve had enough time to process the breakup. This process can be challenging, but it’s for the best.
Find out if they’re still single. Before deciding whether getting back with your ex is the right move, you should check if they’re still single. If a significant amount of time has passed since the breakup, your ex might already be seeing someone new. In this case, it’s best to focus on building a relationship with someone else.
- Don’t try to reconnect if they’re already in a new relationship. Focus on your hobbies, meet new people, and be patient.
Reflect on why you want them back. Even though your relationship was once great, sometimes it’s better to let go of the past. Before trying to win your ex back, think carefully about your reasons for wanting to do so.
- Some valid reasons include: timing was off when you were together, you needed more time to heal from a previous relationship, or you’ve come to appreciate what they brought to your life.
- Some invalid reasons include: fear of being alone (it’s natural to feel lonely after a breakup, but that doesn’t mean you should rush back into the relationship); missing the comfort of familiarity (this is normal but not a reason to reunite); jealousy over their new relationship (this is understandable but not a foundation for rebuilding a relationship).
- Seek advice from trusted friends, family, or a therapist to help you evaluate your reasons. They can help you eliminate irrational reasons and guide you forward.
Decide if the relationship was healthy and worth saving. Beyond considering why you want to reunite, evaluate the relationship as a whole to determine if it’s worth repairing. If you broke up because the relationship wasn’t right for either of you, take more time to assess its value.
- For example, if you constantly argued and couldn’t enjoy each other’s company, the relationship might not be worth salvaging.
Make a pros and cons list if you’re unsure. If you’re conflicted about why you want your ex back and whether the relationship is worth saving, create a pros and cons list to help you decide. Be honest with yourself during this process, and don’t overlook anything, no matter how small or insignificant it seems. List everything to get a clear picture of your relationship and make an informed decision.
Winning Your Ex Back
Focus on yourself. Even if you’re absolutely certain you want to get back together, it’s crucial to spend time focusing on yourself first. Use this period to improve yourself, and the process of reconnecting with your ex will become smoother. Some steps to focus on yourself include:
- Pursuing new hobbies.
- Improving your health through exercise and a better diet.
- Starting a journal to document your thoughts and feelings.
- Spending more time with friends.
Act naturally. If you want your ex to come back, avoid appearing desperate. Don’t let them know you’re eager to reunite, as this might scare them off and ruin your chances of repairing the relationship.
Tip: Take a break before reconnecting with your ex. If you happen to run into them, act casually. Avoid showing that you’re eager to get back together.
Re-establish communication. Send them a message to reconnect. Texting is a good option because it feels more natural than calling or emailing. Texts are also less likely to be shared or discussed, making them a more private way to communicate.
- Keep the tone light and natural. Avoid saying something intense like “I can’t live without you.” Instead, share a funny story or something interesting that reminded you of them.
- Make sure you’re completely sober when reaching out. Drunk texting or calling is a recipe for disaster.
Invite them for coffee or lunch. The best time to meet is during the day, as it feels less serious than an evening outing. Ask if they’d like to grab coffee or lunch with you. This provides an opportunity to reconnect, break the ice, and decide if you want to pursue reconciliation.
- Avoid discussing getting back together during the first meeting. Keep the conversation light, friendly, and leave it at that.
- Make sure you look your best for the first meet-up. Putting effort into your appearance will boost your confidence and make them more interested in reconnecting.
Remind your ex of good memories. Talking about happy times is a great way to rekindle old feelings. By recalling the joyful moments you shared, you’ll help them see the positives in your past relationship and become more open to reconciliation.
Remember that at some point, you’ll need to address the negative aspects of your relationship, but enjoy reminiscing about the good memories first.
Showcase your best qualities. When trying to win your ex back, think about what initially attracted them to you and find ways to highlight those traits. For example, if they loved your sense of humor, find ways to make them laugh. Or, if they admired your cooking skills, casually mention a dish you’ve recently prepared.
Be patient. Though it can be challenging, patience is key when reconnecting with your ex. If they don’t respond to your first message, avoid bombarding them with more texts just to get a reply. Wait to see if they respond, and if not, try again after a few days.
Look for signs of enthusiasm. If they don’t respond to your messages or seem distant during conversations, it’s best to assume that reconciliation isn’t an option right now. However, if your ex appears warm, friendly, and excited to hear from you, there might still be a chance.
Just make sure you don’t set your expectations too high, even if the signs seem positive. They might simply be trying to be kind to you.
Discussing Getting Back Together
Share your thoughts. At some point, you’ll need to express your feelings and intentions to your ex. This conversation might feel awkward, but if they don’t bring up the possibility of reuniting, take the initiative. Make sure you show a willingness to work on things and a genuine interest in giving the relationship another try.
Try saying something like, “Since we broke up, I’ve really grown, and I think I’d like us to have a second chance. Are you open to that?”
Be ready to discuss past issues. Addressing the reasons for your breakup is inevitable. Your ex might doubt your growth or willingness to change, so you’ll need to reassure them. Prepare to talk about what you’ve done or will do to ensure the relationship doesn’t repeat past mistakes.
Commit to change. If you promise to improve certain aspects or commit to changing yourself, be ready to follow through. Failing to keep your word will likely lead to another breakup. Make sure both you and your partner understand what needs improvement and that you’ll deliver on your promises.
Prepare for rejection. In many cases, rekindling an old relationship isn’t possible. If they’re not willing to try again, respect their decision by being honest with yourself and avoiding pressure or harassment. You might both need more time, or the relationship might not be worth saving.
Advice
- If you feel overly eager, you probably are. Just relax a bit and take it easy.
Warnings
- One thing to remember when trying to get back with your ex is, if it doesn’t work out or if they don’t want to reconcile, don’t force it. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you, not someone you have to chase!
- Avoid changing yourself solely for their benefit.
