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Interacting with others is an inevitable part of most work environments. Unfortunately, there may be times when you encounter a colleague who irritates you. The key is to know how to work with someone professionally, even if your personal relationship with them is uncomfortable. By learning to adjust your approach to handle the situation emotionally, there are many ways to collaborate effectively with someone you don't get along with.
Steps
Adjust Your Work Approach
Try to limit interactions. While you can't always avoid a colleague entirely, you can minimize interactions as much as possible. Avoiding unnecessary contact is often the simplest way to manage the situation.
- Some interactions may be unavoidable, especially if you work directly together. However, you can avoid chatting with them in the break room or during downtime. If you notice the colleague entering, politely excuse yourself by saying, “Oh, I need to get back to work. It was nice chatting with everyone.”
- When you must interact with the colleague, remain professional. Avoid discussing personal matters or unrelated topics, as this can lead to negative interactions when dealing with someone who dislikes you.
Be kind to those who are difficult with you. Numerous psychological studies have shown that it's hard to dislike someone who genuinely likes you. If your colleague feels respected and appreciated by you, their discomfort toward you may gradually fade.
- Discuss the issue with someone else in the office whom you trust and respect. This information might be relayed indirectly. Your colleague is more likely to believe it if it doesn't come directly from you.
- Show genuine interest in what they say. People tend to like those who care about them. While you should still avoid them when possible, when interaction is necessary, actively listen to what they say. This can help reduce their discomfort with you.
- Small, friendly interactions can also be helpful. Something as simple as a "good morning" can make a significant difference.
Separate work life from personal life. If you're struggling with a colleague, try to keep your work and personal lives separate. You don't need to socialize with colleagues outside of work. If the colleague who dislikes you is often present at Friday night dinners, avoid these events and meet friends outside of work instead.
Report the situation if it gets out of hand. You likely don't want to report unnecessary behavior. However, you should report actions that affect your ability to work. Speak to someone in Human Resources if the situation becomes unmanageable.
- Management can help mediate if your work performance is impacted. Keep a record of your interactions for about a week to provide solid evidence if you need to escalate the issue.
- Focus on how their behavior affects the company. Speak objectively and explain how your productivity and morale are impacted by their attitude.
- Remember, this is a last resort. You don't want to be labeled as a tattletale. Only report a colleague if they are harassing, attacking, or persistently causing issues despite your efforts to avoid or resolve the situation.
Dealing with Emotional Challenges
Maintain a healthy perspective. Emotionally, keeping a healthy perspective is one of the most effective ways to handle a difficult colleague. Focus on your career aspirations and goals. Avoid getting caught up in petty workplace conflicts.
- When you feel frustrated, think about where you want to be in the next year or five years. How important is this colleague to your long-term goals? How long will you two be working together? Chances are, this difficult colleague won't be a part of your career in the long run.
- Can you learn from this situation? Try to view it as a lesson in dealing with others. If their behavior affects your work, avoid repeating these actions in the future.
- Remember, their emotions may have nothing to do with you. They might be dealing with their own struggles. While it's not always easy, try to empathize with them.
Remove yourself from the situation. Words are often easier than actions, so sometimes the best way to handle negative situations is to find a way out. Try to ignore the behavior by not reacting to it.
- Practicing relaxation techniques throughout the day can be helpful. You might try calming your mind by focusing on the present moment. Pay attention to your body, breathing, and surroundings. This can help you avoid being upset by your colleague's actions and instead focus on the physical world around you.
Seek support outside of work. No matter what you do, avoid badmouthing your colleague to others in the workplace. This will only reflect poorly on you, and it could easily reach your colleague, making the situation worse.
- Sometimes, everyone needs to vent. If you need to express your feelings, that's okay. However, do so outside of work. Talk to friends and family instead of coworkers.
Analyze the Situation
Consider your colleague's perspective. As hard as it may be to accept, something you're doing might be causing your colleague's discomfort. Try to reflect on their viewpoint to see if you've exhibited any behavior that might have upset them in the past.
- Jealousy often leads to resentment. Your colleague might see you as more successful or possessing qualities they lack. Since you can't eliminate their jealousy entirely, consider whether you might be coming across as overly confident or boastful about your achievements. This could contribute to their discomfort.
- Shyness can sometimes be mistaken for rudeness. If you don't interact much with your colleague, they might perceive you as unapproachable. Making an effort to be friendly could improve the situation.
- Do others at work like you? If not, you might unintentionally be displaying behaviors that bother others. Talk to a trusted colleague and ask for their honest opinion about your behavior. See if there's anything you're doing that might be causing discomfort.
Reflect on past interactions with the colleague. Carefully review your previous interactions with them. Sometimes, we feel uncomfortable with someone due to a single inappropriate action. You might have said or done something that upset them.
- It could be something simple, like accidentally not holding the elevator for them one day. You might have made an offhand comment that came across as insensitive, such as a remark about their outfit being inappropriate.
- If you realize you've made a mistake in the past, apologize to your colleague. If the discomfort stems from a small misunderstanding, a brief conversation might resolve it.
Assess your stress levels. Be honest with yourself about how much the situation is affecting you. If you can't separate work from your personal life, it might be time to consider a new job. However, keep in mind that difficult people exist in every environment. If these challenging colleagues are genuinely causing you distress, it may be wise to consult a doctor to help manage your stress levels.
