Buzz
Even the most accomplished public speakers might feel anxious when asked to be the best man and deliver a speech at a wedding. Being chosen as the best man is one of the highest honors you can receive at a wedding, and everyone expects you to speak to honor that privilege, to make the wedding guests laugh and cry, and to express admiration for the special couple on the most important day of their lives. As the best man, your speech should thank everyone for attending, share stories about your relationship with the groom, and entertain the crowd while avoiding overly sentimental remarks. If you want to learn how to craft a heartfelt and memorable speech, start with Step 1.
Steps
Crafting a Special Speech
Be yourself and don’t worry about delivering a formal speech that doesn’t reflect who you are. While it’s important to follow some guidelines, the most crucial part is showcasing your relationship with the groom—even if it’s a PG-rated one (parental guidance suggested). You don’t want to feel overly constrained or become someone you’re not. Ultimately, the most important thing is to express your genuine emotions and stay true to yourself.
- For example, most best man speeches include a bit of lighthearted humor to engage the crowd. But if that’s not your style and jokes feel forced, you don’t have to include them.
- On the other hand, if you’re known for your humor and love cracking jokes, you don’t need to force yourself to be overly emotional. A few heartfelt words can convey your message without making you feel inauthentic.
- If public speaking isn’t your forte, don’t stress too much. You can even joke about how much you enjoy speaking in front of crowds or reminisce about the time the groom punished you for making him push your car up a hill.
Keep it concise. You don’t want to just say "Congratulations" or crack a single joke, but you also don’t want to ramble on endlessly; today isn’t your day. Your speech should be long enough to convey your message but no longer. As a rule of thumb, aim for 2-4 minutes; most people lose patience after 5 minutes. The bride and groom might have suggestions about the length, so don’t hesitate to ask them.
- While your speech should be well-prepared, pay attention to the crowd; if they seem restless or eager to eat and dance, you can cut out parts that feel less essential.
- Although the maid of honor and best man typically give speeches, there may be others. The bride’s parents might speak, or there could be multiple toasts. Even a tipsy neighbor might want to say a few words. If multiple speeches are expected, keep yours especially brief, as no one wants to spend the whole evening listening to others talk.
Write and practice beforehand. The sooner you write, the more time you’ll have to rehearse and refine your speech, which will boost your confidence when speaking in front of the crowd. Don’t assume you can just have a drink for courage and wing it with whatever comes to mind about the newlyweds. That’s actually the worst idea because you might end up saying something you’ll deeply regret or completely lose your train of thought. Preparation is key to delivering a smooth speech.
- Don’t feel embarrassed about holding a note card during your speech. Even if you don’t use it, having it with you can boost your confidence and prevent mistakes.
Find inspiration. If you’re truly struggling with your speech, there’s no shame in turning to YouTube to watch thousands of best man speeches people have recorded and shared. You might stumble upon ideas you wouldn’t have thought of on your own. You can also search for articles online or even ask friends, family members, or experienced speakers if they can share their speeches or offer advice.
Delivering the Speech
Don’t drink too much before your big moment. While every wedding is different, the best man usually gives his speech during dinner, when guests are seated and can focus on the speaker. This means there could be several hours between your speech and the end of the wedding. There might be a cocktail hour or other events before you’re called to speak. You’ll need to exercise self-control to avoid overindulging, or you might end up flustered. Once your speech is done, you can relax and enjoy yourself!
- Remember, people often record the best man’s speech. You don’t want to look sloppy on camera and leave a lasting bad impression.
Grab the audience’s attention. You might face a noisy crowd and need to tap a glass a few times to get their focus or wait for everyone to settle before starting your speech. Since the first step is introducing yourself, it’s crucial that people listen to understand who you are and your relationship with the groom. Keep it simple, like saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, please give me a moment of your time."
- Depending on the wedding program, someone might introduce you, so you won’t have to. But be prepared in case you need to introduce yourself and notice your audience isn’t fully paying attention.
Introduce yourself. The first thing you should do is tell the audience who you are. While many will know you’re the best man by then, it’s still important to explain your connection to the groom and bride. Not everyone at the wedding may know you, so share how you met the couple and how long you’ve known them. Even if you don’t memorize the entire speech, try to remember the opening lines to start sincerely. Here are some simple ways to introduce yourself:
- "For those who don’t know me, I’m Tuấn, the groom’s [groom’s name] younger brother."
- "I’m Nam, the groom’s [groom’s name] best friend. We’ve been friends since 7th grade, and I met the bride [bride’s name] just two days after they started dating."
- "I’m Minh, the groom’s [groom’s name] best friend. I’ve known the groom [groom’s name] and bride [bride’s name] since we started college. We even lived together in the dorms."
Express gratitude. Traditionally, the bride’s parents are thanked for hosting the wedding, but do so subtly. Instead of thanking them for "paying" for the wedding, acknowledge their role in making it happen. You might mention how beautiful the wedding is, the perfect venue, and how everyone is enjoying themselves. This is a way to appreciate the bride’s family’s contributions without being too obvious. Remember, in modern culture, wedding costs are often shared between both families, so don’t misrepresent who contributed.
- Thanking everyone for the opportunity to speak is also a nice touch. You can also express gratitude for the bride’s family’s hospitality.
- Additionally, thank the bridesmaids. Compliment them for being great friends to the bride and for looking stunning at the wedding. You can joke about it as long as it’s not too crude. Praise their dresses, their help with the wedding, or anything meaningful you can mention briefly.
Make a lighthearted joke about the groom’s wedding expenses. A humorous best man often shares a playful anecdote about the groom, giving the audience a glimpse into his personality. If you want a witty yet tasteful quote, consider Oscar Wilde’s line, "Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." Avoid being offensive, but feel free to joke about the groom’s quirks—whether he’s shy, outgoing, or a perfectionist. If it’s a trait everyone recognizes, even better, as it avoids making the joke feel too insider.
- Remember, half the guests might not know each other. Keep your speech funny and heartfelt, even if not everyone knows the groom well or wants to hear too much about someone they don’t know. Of course, if it’s an intimate wedding with close friends and family, you can share more detailed stories if you like.
- If you’re the groom’s younger brother, you could joke about how he teased you mercilessly as kids or how you’ve teased him over the years. You might even joke that not much has changed since then.
- Maintain emotional balance. Your heartfelt and sweet comments about the groom should match the number of jokes you tell.
Share a heartfelt story about the groom. The core of your speech should be a brief story about the groom, possibly including the bride. While the goal is to add emotional depth, avoid delving into uncomfortable past details. Focus on how the couple complements each other and why the groom’s personality is perfect for the bride. Here are some ways to approach this:
- Tell a funny story. This won’t disrupt the ceremony’s formality but will make the couple more endearing. A great way to grab attention is to start with, "I’m about to reveal a secret about the groom" or "The groom begged me not to share this, but I simply have to."
- Alternatively, share a touching story. A fitting tale might describe how the couple met or a sweet memory that strengthened their bond. As the groom’s best friend, this is your chance to recount the moment he proposed.
- If you can’t think of a suitable story or don’t know the bride well enough, make general remarks about love and marriage or share the groom’s feelings for her. Even if you don’t focus much on the bride, you can mention the first time the groom talked about her or his excitement after their first date.
Avoid sensitive topics. While it might feel funny to joke about the groom’s annoying ex or his one-night stint in jail for public intoxication, the groom, his bride, and their families won’t find it amusing. Your jokes should be harmless, light, and slightly witty, but only if you’re sure everyone, including the couple, will genuinely enjoy them.
- Even if you want to include humor, ensure it’s appropriate for all guests; avoid embarrassing or stingy memories unless absolutely necessary.
- If you mention the couple’s brief breakup or the groom’s wild single life, his wife may never forgive you. You don’t want to jeopardize your relationship with the groom over thoughtless remarks.
- Don’t share how you initially disliked the bride and only warmed up to her later.
- Finally, don’t think it’s funny to criticize the wedding venue or food. Someone worked hard to pay for what you might call tacky decorations or dry chicken.
Highlight the groom’s virtues. Praise his loyalty, kindness, and love for the bride, emphasizing what an amazing husband he’ll be. Think of yourself as selling the groom to the bride’s family, who may not know him as well as you do. Share how much he means to you, how he’s helped you over the years, or how you couldn’t have overcome tough times without him.
- You can recount specific ways the groom has supported you. For example, say, "I’ll never forget the day Mạnh drove across the country to help me chase my dream. I couldn’t have done it without him."
- It’s normal to feel a bit awkward sharing such stories. Remember, this is your best friend’s day, and no one will laugh at you for being sincere.
Don’t forget to compliment the bride. You don’t need to say you don’t understand why your amazing friend married her. Instead, mention how the groom has become braver/happier/calmer/more relaxed since meeting her. For example, say, "Since Quang met Mai, he’s stopped taking everything so seriously..."
- If you don’t know the bride well, that’s okay. Instead of admitting it outright, say, "While I haven’t spent much time with Mai, it’s clear she’s the one for Quang."
Praise the couple’s relationship. This is a great way to wrap up your speech, especially if you’ve spent a lot of time teasing the groom. Highlight how well they complement each other, support one another, and maintain balance. Share how you’ve seen their deep connection and admiration for each other.
- For example, say, "Even when Mai and Quang are at opposite ends of the room, you can feel them searching for each other. They don’t need to be side by side to share an unbreakable, magical bond."
- You can also express admiration for their relationship and mention how you aspire to find a love as strong as theirs (if you’re single). If you’re married, share your thoughts on marriage and why the couple is exceptional.
- You don’t have to exaggerate by calling them the perfect match or soulmates if it doesn’t feel genuine. Instead, acknowledge the strength of their relationship without overdoing it.
End with a meaningful quote. While not mandatory, a quote can beautifully conclude your speech after discussing the couple. Find inspiration online or use a famous saying about marriage, like, "Marriage isn’t about finding someone to live with; it’s about finding someone you can’t live without." If possible, tie the quote to the couple.
- Don’t force it unless you find a truly fitting quote. Another option is, "Marriage isn’t about looking at each other but looking in the same direction."
Propose a toast to the couple. Wishing the bride and groom a lifetime of happiness is the most important part of your speech. Conclude by offering your blessings and uniting the guests. Raise your glass of champagne and invite everyone to toast the happy couple. Encourage the guests to join you in celebrating the newlyweds.
- You might say, "Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to propose a toast to Mai and Quang. May your lives be filled with joy, happiness, and good health."
- Alternatively, say, "Here’s to a lifetime of love and happiness for Mai and Quang."
- If the bride has taken the groom’s last name, you can toast to "Mr. and Mrs. Thompson."
Tips
- Compliment often. A sincere compliment can bring as many smiles as a short joke.
- Keep mints in your pocket since you’ll be interacting with many guests at the wedding.
- Bring note cards with key points in case you lose your train of thought during the toast. You don’t want to read directly from them, but bullet points can help you stay on track.
- If possible, blend sincerity with humor in your speech. Light humor is common in best man speeches, and a well-placed joke can ease tension and add warmth after emotional moments.
- When delivering particularly heartfelt parts of your speech, make eye contact with the bride’s mother.
- A short poem (4-5 lines) about the couple is always appreciated.
- If you want to try something different, consider using a slideshow of relevant photos or a meaningful prop during your speech.
- Help the bride’s family, who may not know the groom well, feel reassured about him becoming her protector and starting a new life together.
Warnings
- Don’t force humor. If you’re uncomfortable speaking in public and lack confidence in your comedic skills, it’s better to deliver a sincere speech than to try being a stand-up comedian for the night. Most jokes from wedding joke books or websites are not funny. No one will hate you for being a bit bland, but they might cringe if you suddenly turn into Michael Scott (a horror writer).
- Unless you’re certain about the guests and their preferences, avoid making your speech vulgar. Steer clear of crude jokes, honeymoon innuendos, or stories about the groom’s ex-girlfriends. These might not be appropriate. This isn’t a locker room—even if the groom and his friends laugh, the bride and her mother likely won’t.
- Stay sober before your speech. Appearing drunk will leave a poor impression and make the groom question his judgment in choosing you.
