Buzz
Starting a new relationship is exciting, but it often brings up a lot of questions, especially regarding texting. Deciding how often to text, what to say, and when to expect a response can be overwhelming. That’s why we’ve put together a helpful guide on texting your new partner, so you don’t have to stress about communication anymore.
Steps
Don’t stress if you don’t talk every single day.
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You might text every day, but you might not. Not everyone wants to talk to their significant other every day, and that’s okay! Your partner might prefer to check in every now and then, and that’s perfectly fine. Typically, you might want to communicate every 2 days or so, but it can vary based on your mutual preferences.
- Don’t judge whether someone likes you based on their texting habits. Some people are just slow texters, and they might take forever (or rarely) to respond, regardless of how they feel about you.
- If you’ve gone on a few dates already, texting 2 to 3 times a week is usually enough to stay on their radar while giving them space.
Discuss with your date how often you both prefer to text.
Your texting preferences may not always align. Have a relaxed conversation with your partner and ask them how they feel about texting in general. If they’re not a fan, maybe phone calls at the end of the day work better. If they enjoy texting, you can talk about checking in daily or texting once a day.
- For example, you might say, “I enjoy texting a lot, but how do you feel about it? I don’t want to overwhelm you with messages if you don’t like it.”
Check in on days you’re not able to meet in person.
It’s totally okay to send a text to see how they’re doing. If you haven’t spent time together recently, a casual message to see what they’re up to can be a sweet gesture. A quick text on days when you can’t be together in person shows that you care.
- For instance, you might text, “Hey, just wanted to check in. How’s everything?” or, “What have you been up to today?”
Send good morning and good night texts.
These are thoughtful messages to send if you haven’t seen your date that day. If you haven’t spent time with your partner in the morning, feel free to send them a text as soon as you wake up. You can also send a message before going to bed, just to let them know they’re on your mind.
- In the morning, you could say, “Good morning! Hope you have a great day ahead.”
- At night, try sending, “Good night! Sweet dreams!”
Take turns sending the first message.
Always texting your date first can become exhausting. If you notice you're always the one reaching out first, take a step back and see if they initiate a conversation. If not, ask them why they don’t text first and have an open conversation about it. You could say something like:
- “It feels like I’m always the one texting first. Can we both make an effort to reach out to each other?”
Give your date time to reply.
They might not always be able to respond right away. Be mindful of their schedule—if you know they’re at work or in class, it’s fine if they take a bit longer to reply. Additionally, some people are just not quick texters, so don’t take it personally if your partner doesn’t respond right away.
- If your message is urgent, consider giving them a call instead. That way, they’ll know it’s something important and won’t miss it.
Avoid sending double texts.
Bombarding your date with messages can be overwhelming. If they haven’t replied yet, wait a bit before sending a follow-up message. After a few hours, you can send one more text just to check in and see what’s going on.
- People often open messages and then forget to respond. If your partner hasn’t responded, it’s probably not personal!
Reserve some topics for in-person chats.
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Not everything needs to be discussed over text. If you do, you might run out of things to talk about when you meet up! Remember, real connections are mostly formed through face-to-face interactions. Use texts for casual chats, and keep the deeper conversations for when you’re together in person. This will help build a stronger bond and reduce the chance of misunderstandings.
- For example, it’s fine to plan your next date over text! However, discussions about the future of your relationship are better saved for an in-person talk.
- That said, texting can make you feel closer. Whenever possible, skip the small talk and talk about what’s happening in your life or share something funny to break the ice.
Handle serious topics face-to-face.
Disagreements and arguments can be easily misunderstood over text. If you and your date are having a disagreement, it’s best to either call them or wait until you see each other in person. Since text messages don’t convey tone or body language, it’s easy to misinterpret what the other person means.
- To avoid confusion, try sending a message like, “This conversation is getting a bit tense. Can we talk about it on the phone later?”
Make an effort to reply to every message you receive.
Ignoring your partner’s message can hurt their feelings. If you receive a text from your date, try to respond as soon as you can. If you’re busy, send a quick message letting them know you can’t chat right now but will get back to them later.
- For example, you might say, “Hey! Just saw your message—I’m swamped with work right now. I’ll get back to you later.”
Ask for some breathing room if your partner is texting you too much.
It’s completely okay to ask your partner to dial it back with the texts. If your partner is texting you more than you’re comfortable with, have an open conversation about your boundaries and discuss how often you’d like to communicate. Hopefully, you can both find a middle ground that works for both of you.
- You might approach it with, “Hey, we haven’t talked about this before, but I notice you like texting a lot. I’m not the best texter and prefer talking on the phone. Could we find a happy medium?”
Consider making phone calls from time to time.
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Texting doesn’t have to be your only way of connecting. Sometimes, it’s refreshing to hear your partner’s voice, even if it’s just over the phone. If you haven’t spent time together in a few days and want to chat, give them a call! You can talk about your day, what you’ve both been doing, and how you're feeling.
- Before calling, it’s nice to send a quick text asking if they’re free. Something like, “Are you available for a call?” works perfectly.
Join the conversation...
My significant other and I have been together for a few months, and we text frequently since we’re often apart due to work or school. However, recently, they’ve been taking a little longer to respond. I would love to hear from them at least once every hour, but I’m not sure if that’s too much to ask. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, but I’d love to know what others think about it.
Honestly, I think expecting a text every hour is a bit much. Constant texting can be intrusive and interrupt your partner's activities, like spending time with friends or getting work done. It would be more reasonable to ask for a text once or twice a day, assuming you're open to some flexibility. An hourly text would easily amount to 16+ messages a day, depending on their sleep schedule. I get that you may feel anxious or insecure in the relationship, but you might want to focus on addressing those feelings rather than demanding hourly messages.
I believe everyone should be allowed to want what they want in a relationship (as long as it’s not abusive or harmful, of course), but asking for a text every hour might be too much. While you’re free to make this request, don’t be surprised if your partner isn’t comfortable with it. Just as you have your own desires, they have boundaries and preferences too, which might influence whether you’re truly compatible. There are people who would be happy to text their partner 100 times a day, so if texting that much is essential to you, you might need to find someone who’s more in line with that level of communication.
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