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Delving into the fundamental causes of love bombing and ghosting behaviors
Being on the receiving end of both love bombing and ghosting can leave you emotionally shaken and disoriented. But why would someone cause so much confusion and pain, especially when they claimed to care for you? In this piece, we aim to answer this perplexing question. We'll explore the reasons behind the love bombing and ghosting cycle in relationships and offer valuable advice on how to heal and move on. We’ll also highlight the warning signs to help you avoid repeating the experience.
Key Insights
- Love bombing followed by ghosting is a manipulative cycle often seen in narcissistic behaviors, aimed at gaining control over someone.
- Not everyone who exhibits these patterns does so with malicious intent. They might struggle with insecurity or unresolved abandonment issues from their past.
- Remember, being love bombed and then ghosted is not your fault. To heal, lean on your friends and family, and give yourself time to process what happened.
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Why People Engage in Love Bombing and Ghosting
They seek to control others. Love bombing followed by ghosting is a tactic often used by manipulative individuals. Psychologically, this behavior is typically associated with narcissism (or those who exhibit narcissistic traits). The intense attention they shower on someone through love bombing makes the other person reliant on them, giving them a sense of control. The ghosting phase is equally thrilling for them, as it reinforces their dominance by keeping others guessing and emotionally vulnerable.
They struggle with low self-worth. Not all love bombers are intentionally harmful—some are just lonely or insecure, and their over-the-top affection is a way to cling to others. However, as their insecurities take over, their affection turns into anxiety, leading to ghosting. Unable to face their own flaws, they abruptly end the relationship, disappearing without any explanation, often leaving the other person in confusion.
They’ve found someone new. While love bombing typically reflects negative behavior, in some cases, the person might have genuinely been excited about the connection at first. However, they are often opportunistic and when they encounter someone else they believe they can manipulate or influence more easily, they’ll disappear without notice. Their primary focus is their own needs, so they justify ghosting without remorse.
They fear commitment. In some instances, the love bomber may not have ill intentions, but they ghost because they’re scared of forming a deeper connection. Committing to you makes them feel trapped, so ghosting offers a way out without consequences. This cycle then repeats, as they start over with someone new.
- It’s possible that they experienced abandonment trauma in childhood, which impacts their ability to build healthy relationships as they grow older.
- If you’re the love bomber, you might want to take our quiz to gain more insight into whether abandonment issues are affecting your relationships.
They avoid confrontation. People who engage in this behavior often struggle with deep-rooted insecurities, especially when it comes to difficult or negative interactions. After a period of love bombing, they disappear because it’s simply easier and less emotionally taxing for them to vanish than to confront you and face the reality of the situation.
Understanding Love Bombing and Ghosting
Love bombing is excessive attention and adoration. The main aim of a love bomber is to emotionally manipulate and control the other person. This typically happens early in a relationship, often right after meeting. The love bomber overwhelms their target with excessive affection, speeding up the relationship before the two individuals have had time to truly get to know one another. While love bombing can be a form of psychological abuse, sometimes it's done without malicious intent.
- Common indicators of love bombing include:
- Over-the-top compliments
- Constant communication
- Lavish gifts
- Fast and intense declarations of love
- Efforts to isolate the other person
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Ghosting is abruptly ending communication without explanation. Being ghosted can leave you feeling bewildered and frustrated, and when it follows a period of intense love bombing, it can be even more shocking. Typically, there is no prior warning—the person simply stops answering calls and messages, leaving you without any closure. This behavior is particularly common in online dating, but it can occur at any point in a relationship.
- Typical signs of being ghosted include:
- No response to texts
- Calls go straight to voicemail
- Blocking on social media
- Avoiding you in public
- Ignoring all attempts to reconnect
How to Cope with Being Love Bombed and Ghosted
Keep in mind that being love bombed and ghosted is not your fault. What you experienced was emotional abuse, and there's nothing you could have done to 'earn' it. The responsibility lies solely with the person who mistreated you. A narcissist thrives on controlling and manipulating others, and they’re often skilled at it. The warning signs might be hard to detect, but moving forward, you’ll know what to watch for.
- Receiving compliments doesn’t automatically mean you’re being love bombed. The key difference lies in the intensity of the flattery (especially when the person doesn’t yet know you well).
- For instance, a love bomber might go overboard with comments like, "You’re my dream come true" or "No one is even close to being as amazing as you."
Reconnect with friends and family. If your love bomber isolated you from your loved ones, they may have succeeded. However, it’s up to you to rebuild those bonds, so don’t hesitate to reach out to reconnect. Take the first step by contacting those you’ve lost touch with, and lean on them for support like you once did. They will likely be more than happy to welcome you back.
- If it’s been a while since you last spoke, start by sending a friendly text. Try something like, "Hey, I’ve been thinking about you and would love to catch up soon—can I call you this weekend? I miss you!"
Cut all communication with this person. People with these manipulative tendencies often try to rekindle relationships after some time, continuing their harmful pattern. Don’t allow them back into your life. Block them immediately if they reach out and ignore any attempts to re-engage. Keep in mind that narcissists are highly persuasive and will try to talk their way back into your favor.
- While it may seem tempting to seek closure after being ghosted, remember this isn’t just a simple ghosting. It’s part of a repeated cycle of abuse—there’s no valid explanation for it.
- Stay alert on social media as well, since love bombers often use these platforms to lure their victims.
- Reader Poll: We polled 659 Mytour readers, and 53% agreed that the most effective way to handle a manipulator is to cut all ties and end the relationship. [Take Poll]
Start pursuing new relationships when you're ready. After the emotional rollercoaster of being love bombed and ghosted, it's natural to be cautious about future relationships. But don’t let this experience stop you from finding love. Once you’ve healed and feel more comfortable, take the leap again! Avoiding relationships out of fear means that the love bomber still holds power over you, and you might miss an opportunity to meet someone truly wonderful.
- Dating apps and websites are excellent tools for re-entering the dating world. Take time to vet potential partners and get to know them well before meeting in person. Watch out for signs of love bombing as you chat—this behavior tends to emerge early on.
Think about seeing a therapist if you’re struggling with the aftermath. The emotional scars from love bombing and ghosting can be deep, and it's normal to feel sad, anxious, angry, or confused afterward. Recovering from this kind of emotional abuse can take time. A therapist can guide you through your feelings, help you process the trauma, and give you the tools to heal and move forward with confidence.
How to Avoid Being Love Bombed and Ghosted
Establish boundaries early in your relationships. Now that you know what love bombing looks like, you can spot this manipulative behavior before it gets too far. If someone you’re dating starts overwhelming you with excessive emotion or declares love after just a few dates, it might be time to walk away. However, if you’re open to giving them a chance, set clear boundaries to let them know what behavior you won’t tolerate.
- If they disregard your boundaries and continue love bombing, cut things off before they have a chance to manipulate or ghost you.
Keep your bonds with family and friends strong. It’s natural to get caught up in the excitement of a new romance and sometimes let other relationships slide. However, be mindful that this can also be a manipulative tactic, so make sure to stay in touch with the important people in your life. Your family and friends can offer valuable outside perspectives on anyone new you're dating, so don't hesitate to ask them for advice or their thoughts on the relationship.
Listen to your instincts when it comes to potential partners. If something feels off or too good to be true about someone you meet, it probably is. Don’t dismiss that gut feeling! When emotions are running high, it can be hard to notice warning signs, so take a step back and re-evaluate the relationship before you go any further. If anything feels wrong, end things before it escalates into something toxic.
Mytour Quiz: Am I Dating a Narcissist?
Although only a licensed mental health professional can formally diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder, there are several key red flags you can watch for. Take this quiz to see where you stand and gain insight into your relationship dynamics.
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