Making the First Move: A Beginner's Guide

If you've met someone who sparks your interest, or even someone you're developing strong feelings for, it can feel like you're on cloud nine. You may find yourself grinning every time their image comes to mind, and even start stressing about your outfit. You're now thinking about advancing your connection with them, but naturally, you want it to unfold without any hitches. The deeper your emotions run, the more likely you are to feel anxious, fearing that you might say or do something wrong. Making the first move can feel daunting, but no matter your gender, you can confidently take that leap.

Notice non-verbal cues. It's an age-old truth: actions often speak louder than words. A mere 7% of communication is through speech, while 55% is communicated through body language. Before taking any steps, keep an eye out for body language signs such as sustained eye contact or a positive facial expression that may indicate a favorable response.

• A woman may reveal areas like her neck or wrists, twirl her hair, touch you, lean in, or face you with her arms uncrossed and open.
• A man might send more overt signals, such as resting his arm on the back of your chair, maintaining strong eye contact, or sitting or leaning in close to you.

Send the Right Signals with Your Body Language. Make sure you're not only receiving cues but also giving them off. Your body language can subtly communicate your attraction to someone special.

• Smiling can be a powerful sign of interest. Don't forget to smile to show that you're into the other person as well.
• Notice if you're subconsciously mirroring the other person's body language. This is when you mimic their movements or posture. For example, when they smile, you might smile back. Flirting is often a form of this mirroring. Try initiating an action and see if they follow suit. If they do, you're on the same wavelength. If not, mirror them instead to build that connection.

Engage in Meaningful Conversations. While flirting physically is one way to connect, having a great conversation can help deepen your relationship and take it to new heights. Showing good listening and communication skills signals confidence, one of the most attractive traits a person can have. While men often seek action, women generally appreciate meaningful dialogue. No matter who you're speaking to, most people enjoy a good one-on-one exchange. Here are a few tips for sparking a great conversation:

Ask Thought-Provoking Questions. Avoid discussing the weather or asking questions that lead to one-word answers (which only create awkward silence).

• Open-ended questions about current events, your backgrounds, shared interests, and hobbies will steer the conversation in an exciting direction.
• Questions like, "What books are you reading lately? Have you seen any good films? What's your favorite spot in the city or neighborhood?" are perfect for keeping the conversation flowing.
• Follow-up questions such as, "Who was your favorite character in that book? What did you think of the movie's ending? Why do you love that part of the city so much?" show that you're truly listening and engaged in the conversation.

Be Genuine and Clear. While playful banter and compliments can lead to fun exchanges, honesty is invaluable. This doesn't mean you have to reveal every detail of your life at once, but being upfront about your desires in a partner, your life philosophy, and your goals will show self-confidence and self-awareness. It also helps your partner understand your perspective and feel more comfortable sharing their own thoughts with you.

Maintain a Positive Attitude. Staying positive helps you keep your energy light and your body language open and inviting. A bright attitude and expression are far more attractive than negativity, which can seem standoffish. If you do need to discuss something negative, try to spin it in a light-hearted, humorous way. While honesty is important, keep things fun and relaxed during the early stages of your relationship.

Set the Mood with a Romantic Ambiance. Plan a simple romantic date in advance, ideally in a cozy, private setting. Rather than going to the movies or a restaurant, consider cooking dinner at your place or inviting your date over for a drink. The goal is to craft an intimate, relaxed atmosphere that still feels spontaneous and romantic.

Keep it Relaxed. If a romantic atmosphere doesn’t feel right for you or the person you’re interested in, try something more laid-back.

• Offer your number in a subtle way. You might suggest a favorite movie or book, then say, "Let me give you my number so you can let me know what you think!"
• Send a casual message on social media. Comment on their Instagram photo, send a Facebook message, or Tweet them. Use their posts as a way to start a conversation and casually ask them out afterwards.

Suggest Hanging Out Together. The first move doesn’t have to be as formal as asking, "Will you go on a date with me?" If you both love pizza, suggest going to your favorite pizza joint on Friday. If movies are more their thing, mention going to see one soon. If the other person shows interest, make a concrete plan. Instead of saying, "We should catch a movie sometime," say something like, "Casablanca is showing at the indie theater at 7:00 PM on Thursday; would you like to join me?"

Follow Up After Your Time Together. After a dinner or movie date, send a text to let the person know you had a great time. This shows you're still interested.

• Reference something specific that happened during the date, like a funny moment or a dish you both enjoyed. This can open up the conversation and help you connect even more.

Be Direct and Ask Them Out. Sometimes, the most effective way is to be upfront. If you sense that the other person shares your feelings, don't hesitate to ask her out.

• Keep it casual and not overbearing. You can be clear without coming off too strong. Being too pushy might make the other person uncomfortable.

Invite Them to a Group Hangout. If you're feeling a bit shy, consider inviting them to a group activity. Whether it's dinner, pub trivia, a sports game, or a casual gathering, it can ease the pressure while still giving you both a chance to connect and enjoy each other's company.

Ask for Permission Before Making a Move. You don't always need to ask out loud, as body language is a powerful indicator of consent. Your partner will often show through physical signals that they are comfortable with taking things further. Watch for cues like touching your own face or parts of their body, signaling that you're free to proceed. Pay close attention to their reactions and adapt accordingly.

• Both of you should be giving mutual consent in that exact moment, whether verbally or through physical signals. What was said or done earlier is irrelevant—consent is about the present moment.
• Ensure you're both in a clear, sober state, especially when making a first physical move. It's important to make thoughtful decisions together.

Start with a Kiss and Gradually Progress. Just like making the first move, asking for a kiss takes courage! Stay calm, confident, and avoid being too forceful. Maintain eye contact and lean in, pausing when you're close enough to gauge if your partner is also open to a kiss. Once you've shared a kiss, gently transition to more intimate gestures.

Take Your Time When Moving Forward Physically. Once you've started kissing, if you want to take things further, proceed at a steady pace to ensure you're on the same page. Subtle touches and close contact will help communicate your intentions, while also giving you a sense of the other person's interest.

• Move at a pace that allows the other person to feel comfortable enough to say no if they’re not ready. Respecting each other's boundaries is key to having a fun and consensual experience.
• Be prepared and bring protection. While it may seem obvious, always ensure you have condoms on hand (and remember, women should carry their own, too!). Safety and comfort should be a priority for both of you during these moments.

• If at any moment your partner asks you to stop or slow down, always respect their wishes. Remember, consent is key, and 'no' means 'no'.
• Ensure both of you are in a clear, sober state to make thoughtful decisions about consent; avoid alcohol or drugs before becoming physical with each other.
• There is ongoing discussion about whether men or women should initiate the first move. While both genders show interest in different ways, there is no clear agreement on who should make the first move. The advice provided above is relevant for all genders.