Buzz
First crushes and early love. If you're looking to navigate the often confusing world of middle school dating, you can pick up a few helpful strategies to ensure things go as smoothly as possible. You'll discover how to ask someone out in a way that feels natural and how to enjoy time together, even if you don't have access to a car or an income.
Steps to Take
Asking Someone Out
Make sure you're truly ready to date. During middle school, emotions run high, and you may find yourself drawn to certain people romantically. However, dating should not be your main focus at this stage. Prioritize building friendships, excelling in school, and discovering who you are as an individual rather than rushing into a relationship.
- If you do feel ready to date, talk with your parents to get their advice and approval. Make sure they are okay with it before moving forward.
- If you're not interested in dating, that's completely fine. Many middle school relationships are mainly online or based on daydreams, so take the opinions of others with a pinch of salt. Don’t feel pressured into dating if it’s not something you want to do.
Find someone you're interested in. Who has caught your eye recently? Who seems like they’d be more than just a regular friend to you? Who sparks that feeling of attraction? Try to identify someone who could be a fun date, someone you'd enjoy spending time with, maybe even a lot. Someone you wouldn’t mind sharing a kiss with.
- Make sure they’re not already taken or planning to go with someone else. It’s awkward to ask someone who is already in a relationship.
- It’s a good idea to talk to them during the week before asking them out. This way, it won’t feel so awkward, and you’ll have a better understanding of each other.
Pick the right moment to ask. While simply asking, "Will you go out with me?" is fine, it’s often better if you have a specific reason for asking, so there’s an excuse to start a conversation.
- Is there a dance coming up? Asking someone to a dance is one of the most common ways to ask someone out. If it goes well, you may end up staying together as a couple afterward. If it doesn’t, you’ll still have fun!
- What about a homecoming game or a sports event? Ask if they’d like to go with you.
- Maybe a new movie everyone’s talking about is about to release. Ask if they want to see it with you.
Make sure you look your best. When you're about to put yourself out there, it’s important to look your best. Make sure your clothes are neat and presentable so you can feel confident when asking someone out.
- Take a shower that morning, do your hair, and put in a little extra effort to look good. You don’t need to look like a movie star, but taking a little extra time to freshen up will boost your confidence.
Wait for a private moment to ask. Find a quiet moment when you can be alone together to ask them out. Passing periods or just after school might be ideal times. If you can’t find a time when they’re alone, try asking, "Hey, can we talk for a second?"
- It’s usually better to ask in person rather than over text. While texting works for some, it can feel impersonal. If you regularly chat with the person, it might be okay.
- If they say no, it's better if it happens in private rather than in front of a group of people, as that can be more embarrassing.
Introduce yourself if you haven’t already. If you’re interested in someone who doesn’t know you, they’re more likely to say "no" if you just approach them and ask them out. A good first step is to introduce yourself and explain your connection.
- For example, you could say, "Hey, I’m ____. I’m in your history class. I was wondering..."
Ask someone out directly. When the opportunity arises, don’t hesitate to ask. You don’t need to overthink it or try to be overly clever. Just be kind, sincere, and straightforward. No need for any pick-up lines.
- For example, say something like: "I’ve noticed you for a while, and you seem like such a sweet, fun person. I really like you. Would you want to go to the dance with me?"
- Don’t wait for someone to ask you, or assume someone will. It’s completely okay for girls to ask boys out in middle school, or at any age.
Ensure all your parents are on board. Since you’re still underage, it’s crucial to get permission from your parents as well as from the parents of the person you’re asking out. Just ask and follow their wishes.
- This is especially important if you plan to go somewhere public with your date, such as a school event. It’s essential to get approval from all parents involved, especially if transportation is required.
- You can always hang out at school together, regardless of your parents' opinions. It’s better to have permission, of course, but remember, Romeo and Juliet were in middle school too.
Spending Time Together
Text each other. Once you’re sure you have permission to text your date, exchange numbers and start messaging. You can keep the conversation going and have fun, even when you're not physically together.
- Be a good conversationalist and give your date something to engage with. Don’t just say "Hey." Ask questions, share observations, and always keep the conversation flowing. Avoid sending one-word replies. If you’re unable to talk, just let them know.
- For helpful tips on texting your crush or date, check out this article or this one.
Have phone or FaceTime/Skype dates. Talking with your date can be just as enjoyable and meaningful as going out in person. Set up virtual dates through FaceTime, Skype, or another chat service, or simply chat on the phone.
- Plan something fun to do together, even if you're not physically together. If you both enjoy a show, watch it at the same time and discuss it over the phone. Or just leave FaceTime/Skype on while you do homework together.
Attend dances. A great way to go on a date in middle school is to attend a dance together. It gives you a fun activity to enjoy, and it provides a clear reason to ask someone out. Most dances are right after school, so you won’t need to ask your parents for a ride.
- If you’re nervous about dancing, practice beforehand. Play some music in your room or through headphones, and work on your moves. You don’t need to be flawless, but aim to avoid looking awkward.
- If your school doesn’t have many dances, consider attending other school events like football or basketball games. You can also go to after-school clubs or a school play as a date idea.
Go to the movies together. Ask your date if they want to catch a new movie, especially when it first comes out, to make the outing feel like a special event. You could even buy tickets in advance and plan to grab a bite or have ice cream after the movie, if that’s allowed.
- Movies are great for dates because they help avoid awkward silences. You don’t have to talk too much, which makes it a good choice if you’re feeling shy or nervous.
- If you have an older sibling, see if they’ll drive you to the date instead of your parents. It’s way cooler!
Sit together at lunch. It might not feel like a traditional date, but one of the easiest ways to spend time with your date in middle school is by sitting together during lunch. Find a quiet table for two or join your friends and let everyone see how cute you two look together. Either way, it's fun.
- Do small gestures for your date, like throwing away their tray or pulling out their chair. It may seem old-fashioned, but it’s a nice way to make them feel special.
Walk home from school together. If you don’t get to see each other much during school hours, consider walking home together afterward. It’s a great way to get some private time to talk without the crowd.
- Make sure both of your parents are aware, and only do this if walking home is something you would normally do. Once they know you're together, you can take it slow and enjoy the time.
- You can also go to a nearby mall or store if it’s allowed and convenient. Alternatively, plan a non-school walk together, perhaps in a nearby park.
Ask if your date can come over to your house. Invite your date over for dinner or to watch a movie at your place. This can be a great way for your family to meet the person you're dating and for them to meet your family. It's a significant step in any relationship!
- Talk to your parents first. They might not want you to be alone in a room together, but they might allow you to hang out in the living room instead.
Make it official on Snapchat, if that's what you want. A lot of middle school relationships play out on Snapchat. If you're dating someone, you should discuss how much of your relationship you want to make public and how much you want to keep private. Be considerate and respectful about the choices you make, as others can see it.
- It's a good idea to tone down the digital PDA. Sending the occasional kissy emoji is fine, but avoid overdoing it. Once every couple of days is enough.
Be genuine with your date. The best way to behave when you're with your date is to just be yourself. Don't try to act differently or be someone you're not. Have fun, joke around, and enjoy the time together.
- Give honest compliments when they’re deserved. A simple "You look really nice today" will always be appreciated if it’s sincere.
- Act around your date like you would around your friends—after all, that's who your date should be, unless you act like a total goof around your friends. If you're not friends first, dating probably isn't a good idea.
Take your time. In middle school, everyone is at a different stage in their personal development. Emotions can be overwhelming, and hormones may feel out of control. It’s important to slow down, take a deep breath, and let things progress naturally. There's no rush; your whole life is ahead of you to date.
- It's okay to try for a kiss when the moment feels right, but only if both of you are comfortable. Honesty and openness are key.
- Middle school relationships might feel intense when they end, but remember, in a few years, you'll look back on this and laugh.
Give each other some space. Just because you're dating in middle school doesn’t mean you have to be attached at the hip. Who your date talks to on Snapchat or who they sit with at lunch shouldn't be a source of anxiety. You're two individuals who enjoy each other's company—that's it.
- Don't become clingy or needy while you're dating. Avoid sending texts like, "Where are you????"
- Make sure to spend time with your own friends and do things that you enjoy alone. There will always be plenty of time for dating.
Try to have some real-life dates. Many middle school relationships don't last long and are mostly online or at school. That's perfectly fine, as it's tough to do much without money or a car. However, if you really like someone, make an effort to spend time together outside of social media, not just sharing stories or posting on each other's pages.
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Don't hesitate to have open conversations with your partner.
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Make sure you're following your parents' guidelines when dating. Always check that you're allowed to date before getting involved.
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If you're feeling uncomfortable or uneasy in the relationship, let your partner know. If you feel unsafe expressing this directly, reach out to a trusted adult for support. Communication is the key to any healthy relationship.
The tips shared in this section come from the real-life experiences of Mytour readers like you. If you have a valuable piece of advice to share with the Mytour community, feel free to submit it in the space provided below.
- Don’t rush into physical contact, especially in front of her father. If you’re unsure, it’s better to wait until after the movie. Only put your arm around her if you’re confident she’s comfortable with it. If she gets upset or cries during the movie, offer comfort with your arm around her. If she’s laughing, join in. But if she’s absorbed in the movie, respect her space and don’t force it.
- I won my boyfriend’s affection simply by being polite. Politeness is key in any relationship. If you're rude, your partner might feel like you’re no longer interested, which could lead to a breakup.
- Maintain an open and honest relationship. Be transparent about what you want and need. Be aware of each other's boundaries and always show respect. Never be cruel.
- A partner might feel overwhelmed if you come across as too desperate or clingy. Take things at a comfortable pace and ensure that your feelings are mutual before moving forward.
- If you're in middle school, don’t rush. You can both agree to take your time and wait until you're older to start dating. There’s no need to act immediately after confessing your feelings.
- Regardless of your age, confidence is crucial. If either of you feels too nervous to engage or spend time together, the relationship might not work.
Important Warnings
- Don’t get too caught up in a relationship too quickly.
