Buzz
Dating can sometimes be a tricky experience. You are trying to figure out what you're looking for in a relationship or date, while also being considerate of others' emotions. Occasionally, a man you aren't interested in may ask you out, and it’s important to politely and honestly let him know you're not interested.
Steps
How to Politely Decline a Man Who Asks You Out in Person
Give him your full attention. Especially when the man asking you out is a friend or acquaintance, it’s important not to interrupt him while he’s talking.
- Even if you already know that he's going to ask you out and plan to decline, avoid cutting him off mid-sentence. Interrupting him may come across as rude or too eager to reject him.
- Maintain a respectful physical distance and offer a slight smile. Avoid leaning in or giving off any body language that could suggest you're interested.
Simply say no. The worst thing you can do when politely turning someone down is to keep him hanging. While hearing "no" may be tough for him at first, it will be much kinder in the long run.
- Don’t make up excuses. There's no need to lie. Unless it's the truth, avoid saying you’re in a relationship. Don’t say something like, "I just got out of a relationship and I'm not ready to date." Even if it’s true, it could give him false hope, which wouldn’t be fair to him.
- Be direct and courteous. You can say something like, "You seem like a great guy, but I don’t feel the same way. I appreciate you asking though." This lets him know where you stand while softening the blow.
- Keep it brief. You don't need to over-explain just to be kind.
Offer friendship if you’re genuinely interested. If you truly want to be friends with the guy who asked you out, let him know. This will soften your rejection and reassure him that you appreciate his company, even if you're not romantically interested.
- If you don't want to be friends, don’t say it. Simply explain that you're not interested, wish him well, and walk away.
- If you do want to remain friends, make sure you’re clear that your feelings won’t change. Avoid giving him false hope. You can say something like, "I’m not interested romantically, but I think someone else will be. I enjoy talking with you and would love to stay friends."
Maintain a polite tone. How you say "no" in person matters just as much as the words you use. The tone you adopt will affect how the man perceives your response.
- Avoid sounding defensive. You have every right to choose your partners, and being defensive might make you sound harsher or even disgusted.
- Adopt a tone of apology. You want to remain firm in your response while still sounding considerate. Try to make eye contact at least once during the conversation.
Declining Someone via Text Message
Reply in a timely manner. When someone you’re not interested in asks you out via text, email, or instant messaging, it can be tempting to delay your response.
- Don’t ignore his message, hoping he’ll get the hint. A polite response is the best way to handle the situation.
- While it’s important to respond promptly—ideally on the same day—take a moment to think about what you want to say and how you want to say it.
Use “I” statements. When rejecting someone, using "I" statements makes the rejection about your feelings, which helps avoid making the other person feel hurt or belittled.
- For example, instead of saying, "Sorry, you're not really my type," say, "I'm really sorry, I just don't see you in a romantic way."
- Alternatively, say something like, "I've enjoyed getting to know you, but I don't see this turning into something more for me."
Follow proper text etiquette. If you're too casual when telling someone you're not interested, it can come across as disrespectful. Even if you're used to texting in an informal way, try being a bit more thoughtful with your rejection.
- Use full sentences and proper words. Rather than texting, "No thx, I'm not really interested in u," say, "Thanks for asking, but I don't feel the same way about you."
- Include something polite at the end to close the conversation on a positive note. You could write, "Sorry. Wishing you all the best, John!"
Be honest. It’s often easier to lie over text, but it’s always best to tell the truth, even if it feels hard.
- Don’t leave your answer open to interpretation. Make it clear that you're not interested in the future. If you want to remain friends, say something like, "I don't have romantic feelings for you, but I'd love to stay friends," rather than, "Can we just stay friends for now?"
- While it's important to be firm and clear, try to add something positive, like, "I appreciate you asking because I've enjoyed our conversations, but I just don’t have romantic feelings."
Rejecting Someone After a First Date
Be friendly and straightforward. Turning someone down after a date can be more challenging than rejecting someone you haven’t gone out with. Sometimes it’s after the date that you realize you're not interested.
- Say something like, "I'm really sorry, but I didn’t feel a connection on our date. I hope you find someone amazing!"
- If you don’t feel a romantic spark but would like to remain friends, you can say, "I had a great time, but didn’t feel a romantic connection. Would you be open to being friends?" This lets him know that although you're not interested in dating, you still value the friendship.
Tell him as soon as possible. Once you realize you're not interested in a guy, it’s best to let him know quickly. The longer you wait, the harder it may become.
- If you've only been on a date or two, it's perfectly fine to let him know through a text message. This allows you to carefully craft your response, and he won’t feel embarrassed in person.
- However, if you're certain after your first date, it's best to be upfront. Before parting ways, you could say, "Hey, just so you know, I don't think there's much here for me, but I’m glad we had the chance to meet." This way, you won’t have to worry about when to bring it up.
Maintain some distance. After telling him you're no longer interested, it's important to create some space. Even if you both wish to stay friends, it's helpful to have a little distance initially.
- If he continues to message you or behaves rudely after your rejection, it’s okay to ignore his texts.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1213 Mytour readers, and 62% agreed that if someone reacts negatively to your rejection, it's completely acceptable to stand firm and move on from the situation. [Take Poll]
- If his behavior makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, don’t hesitate to contact your parents, a teacher, or the authorities immediately. Your safety should always be your top priority!
