Buzz
Find out how to support a friend struggling with anxiety
Much like social anxiety, friendship anxiety is an intense worry about your relationships and social interactions. People with this type of anxiety often fear their friends secretly find them irritating or prefer not to be around them. In this guide, we’ll explain everything about friendship anxiety—what it is, the signs and causes, tips to manage it, and advice on helping a friend dealing with anxiety.
Tips for Managing Friendship Anxiety
- Share your feelings with friends to strengthen trust and open communication.
- Set healthy and realistic expectations in your friendships.
- Practice enjoying activities on your own to build confidence.
- Reflect on past experiences that may have contributed to your anxiety.
- Be patient with yourself—every small step forward counts.
Helpful Steps
Understanding Friendship Anxiety
Friendship anxiety is the stress and worry centered around your friendships. Like social anxiety, it brings on strong feelings of unease when you interact with or even think about your friends. You might fear losing them or suspect they secretly dislike you. This type of anxiety focuses solely on platonic relationships and doesn’t typically impact romantic bonds, family ties, or encounters with strangers.
Key Signs of Friendship Anxiety
Trusting others feels challenging. Even when your friends have consistently supported you, fully opening up and letting your guard down feels risky. You may fear that being your true self will overwhelm them and cause them to walk away.
Physical symptoms appear after social interactions. If you suspect you've upset a friend, your body might react with anxiety symptoms like nausea or a racing heart. Just thinking about conflict or trouble in your friendship can leave you feeling physically ill.
You constantly overanalyze and replay your conversations. With friendship anxiety, it’s common to revisit your daily interactions, searching for anything you might have said wrong. You obsess over your hangouts, imagining how you could have acted differently, and run through countless possible scenarios and outcomes in your head.
You fear rejection from your friends. To avoid feeling rejected, you often resort to people-pleasing behaviors. You shy away from conflict, choosing not to address it even when a friend hurts you, because you’re scared they might end the friendship. Having a constructive disagreement feels nearly impossible for you.
Esther Perel, Psychotherapist
Emotional pain deeply impacts our friendships. "It's very raw, it's very tender, the kinds of feelings of rejection and exclusion that friendships elicit in us, evoke in us."
You frequently seek reassurance from your friends. If you struggle with friendship anxiety, you may often ask questions like “Do you hate me?” or “Are you upset with me?” even without any argument. Even after your friends affirm their care for you, you feel the need to confirm it again, just to be sure.
Ways to Cope with Friendship Anxiety
Talk openly and honestly about your anxiety with friends. While sharing your feelings might feel tough, it’s one of the best steps to ease your anxiety. Opening up helps build trust and gives your friends a chance to reassure you. Who knows—they might be feeling the same way, and this could be a great chance for both of you to tackle it together.
- Keep in mind, your anxious thoughts often come from within, not from what's actually happening. Chances are, your friend will appreciate your honesty and will want to help.
- Your friends like you, even if your mind says otherwise. They want your trust and to know you better. In fact, they’ll probably feel honored when you open up to them.
Manage your expectations about what friendships can provide. Friendships are great for support, but they can’t meet every need. If you're feeling anxious, it might be because you're relying too much on friends for fulfillment. Be realistic about what friendships can give and find other ways to meet your emotional needs.
- For instance, if you’re often bored alone, try starting a new hobby that doesn’t involve your friends.
- Work on enjoying your own company too. Like going solo to that concert no one else is interested in.
- Everyone needs reassurance sometimes, but trust your friends to speak up if something’s wrong. If they haven’t said anything, it's probably just your anxiety talking.
Take time to reflect on your own struggles. Often, friendship anxiety comes from personal emotional wounds. Think back to tough moments, like past betrayals, and consider how they’ve shaped your thoughts and behaviors. Then, reflect on how you can start improving yourself.
- For deeper self-reflection, explore attachment styles and find out yours. It can help you feel more secure in relationships.
Show up as your authentic self. Even though opening up can feel scary, pretending to be someone else will only make things worse. Try to be genuine with your friends—they like you for who you are! They won’t judge your unique hobbies or quirks. In fact, they’ll probably love you more for them. Letting them see the real you builds trust and helps you overcome anxiety.
Prioritize deep, meaningful friendships over quantity. People with friendship anxiety often stress about having enough friends and constantly seek new ones, which can add pressure. It’s better to have a few true friends who genuinely care about you than a crowd of acquaintances. Surround yourself with people who support and value you.
- Even with the right friends, disagreements will happen. While it’s natural to want harmony, no relationship is perfect. Think about long-term friendships that have weathered arguments—if they survived, you and your friend can, too.
- If you need to talk about an issue, use “I feel” statements to avoid blame. This helps keep your anxiety in check while addressing problems calmly.
Embrace mindfulness techniques. When anxiety starts creeping in, try calming practices like journaling your thoughts, meditating, or repeating positive affirmations. These simple activities can help ease your mind when things feel overwhelming.
- When you notice anxiety building, take deep, steady breaths to slow your heartbeat and regain control over racing thoughts.
Allow yourself the grace to heal at your own pace. Overcoming friendship anxiety doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s perfectly okay. Be patient and kind to yourself if you stumble along the way. Celebrate even the smallest progress and remember that struggling doesn’t make you a bad friend—on the contrary, it shows how much you care about nurturing your relationships.
Reach out for professional support if needed. While leaning on friends and loved ones can be incredibly helpful, sometimes it’s worth getting extra guidance. Consider seeing a therapist who specializes in anxiety or relationships to help you strengthen healthy bonds and manage your feelings more effectively.
What Causes Friendship Anxiety
Negative past experiences with unhealthy friendships One of the most common triggers for friendship anxiety is dealing with toxic relationships in the past. Maybe someone you trusted betrayed you, making it hard to open up again, or perhaps shyness made forming friendships a challenge growing up. Any powerful, negative experience can shape how you connect with others today.
Social media obsession Platforms like social media often give us a skewed perspective of reality. People typically showcase only the highlights of their lives, which can make us feel like they’re far more successful or happier than we are. When it comes to friendships, seeing posts of people having fun with large friend groups or watching your own friends spend time with others can trigger insecurity and amplify friendship anxiety.
- Keep in mind, it’s perfectly normal for your friend to have other friendships too. That doesn’t mean they value you any less!
Reduced face-to-face interactions Nowadays, many people prefer digital communication, like chatting on dating apps. In the online world, it’s easier to dodge uncomfortable encounters by ghosting or blocking, which can fuel anxiety in friendships and make real-life social skills harder to maintain.
- The COVID-19 pandemic also played a role by cutting back in-person meetups and contributing to the rise in loneliness worldwide.
Differences Between Friendship Anxiety and Social Anxiety
Social anxiety covers all social settings, not just friendships. While friendship anxiety and social anxiety share symptoms like overthinking and physical discomfort, social anxiety casts a wider net. It affects interactions with friends, family, coworkers, and even strangers, whereas friendship anxiety is focused solely on friends.
- People with friendship anxiety might not feel anxious around family members, colleagues, or strangers—they mainly worry when it comes to their friendships.
Ways to Support a Friend Struggling with Anxiety
Listen with empathy and without judgment. Opening up about anxiety can be intimidating, so show your friend they’re heard by actively listening. Focus completely on them, let them share openly, and ask gentle questions to understand their feelings better. Validate their emotions instead of brushing them off with phrases like “You’ll be fine” or “It’s nothing.”
- Be sure to thank your friend for trusting you. This reassures them that you’re someone they can count on and that you genuinely care.
Ask them what kind of support they need. Don’t assume—everyone experiences anxiety differently. Let your friend guide you on what’s most helpful for them and show them you truly have their best interests at heart, not just trying to ease your own discomfort.
- For instance, if they ask for space, respect that and give them time to regroup before reconnecting.
- Or if they need reassurance, offer it—whether it’s expressing how much you look forward to seeing them or clarifying that you’re not upset if they’re feeling unsure.
Make a habit of checking in. People dealing with anxiety, especially friendship anxiety, often stay silent about their struggles. If you know or suspect your friend is feeling this way, reach out periodically to see how they’re doing. Don’t force a conversation if they’re not ready, but let them know you’re available and they can turn to you anytime.
Protect your own well-being by setting boundaries. Supporting a friend is important, but so is looking after yourself. It’s not sustainable or healthy to be someone’s emotional anchor 24/7, and over time, that could strain your relationship. Establish boundaries so you have space for your own interests and other loved ones.
- Saying no can be tough when someone is struggling, but you can be kind and firm. For example, if they want to talk while you’re busy, say “I can’t chat now, but I’m free at 4:00 and would love to catch up,” or “Today’s packed, but let’s hang out Saturday if that works for you.”
Quiz Pack: Specially curated quizzes just for you.
1
Quiz: Are They Really Your True Friend?
2
Quiz: Is My Friend Actually Toxic?
3
Quiz: Am I a Likable Person?
-
Don’t take it to heart if a friend declines your invite to hang out. They’re probably just tied up with something else—it’s not a reflection on you.
-
If you’re stressing that you might’ve embarrassed yourself in front of your friends, chances are you didn’t. And even if something did happen, your friends likely didn’t notice or have already forgotten it. Keep this in mind the next time your thoughts start spiraling.
