Restoring a Broken Marriage God's Way

Make your relationship with God the ultimate priority. In a marriage grounded in faith, both you and your spouse should pray together, attend church together, and study the Scriptures together. The spiritual benefits—such as kindness, patience, endurance, and self-discipline—will equip you to approach your marriage with more grace and forgiveness.

• Even if your partner is not actively involved in your spiritual practices, deepening your own relationship with God can bring you peace as you work to repair your marriage.
• As 1 Chronicles 16:11 teaches, you should pursue your connection with God: "Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always."

Lift your spouse and your marriage up in prayer. One of the most compassionate acts you can perform in a marriage is to pray for your partner. Ask God to bless them, support them, and help them grow. You can also pray for the strength to love your spouse in the way they need. These sincere prayers reflect your selfless devotion and your commitment to restoring your marriage.

• Avoid praying for specific outcomes—sometimes God answers prayers in ways you didn't anticipate. For example, you might pray for your spouse to get a better job, but God may have a plan for you to learn to live more humbly instead.
• Reader Poll: We surveyed 790 Mytour readers who have faced a broken marriage, and 56% of them agreed that praying for their spouse is the best way to practice forgiveness. [Take Poll]

Make personal changes to heal the marriage. A fractured marriage is rarely the result of only one person’s actions. At times, it’s clear how your behavior affected the marriage, such as in the case of infidelity or betrayal of trust. In other cases, the issue may be more subtle, like unrealistic expectations or having a critical mindset toward your spouse.

• For example, you may have expected your partner to spend all their weekends with you. If they preferred to spend time with friends, this could create tension. Acknowledging how your expectations contributed to the situation can make it easier to find common ground.
• If you tend to snap at your spouse, it could lead them to feel discouraged, causing them to withdraw. You can mend this by choosing kindness and highlighting the positive things they do.
• Clearly admitting your mistakes and explaining how you understand your actions were hurtful can significantly impact your partner. Demonstrating accountability shows that you care and are committed to making things right.

Release the pain you’re holding onto. Regardless of what your spouse has done to hurt you, forgiveness is essential if you want to move forward in your marriage. In Colossians 3:13, the Bible instructs us to "Forgive as the Lord forgave you." This means offering them forgiveness with boundless love and completely letting go of any resentment.

• Forgiveness doesn’t require you to forget the past, but it does mean setting healthy boundaries with your partner so that you both understand what is acceptable in the future.
• For example, while forgiving your spouse for infidelity, you may still ask them to be transparent by sharing their devices and passwords until trust is fully rebuilt.
• When talking about the situation, express your feelings directly. A partner who has cheated is likely aware of the hurt they’ve caused, but sharing how and why you feel the pain will have the most impact.

Professional Opinion

PROFESSIONAL INSIGHT

Absolutely! Healing begins with being honest with yourself and understanding the patterns within your relationship that both partners contribute to. You must also take ownership of your part in that cycle and be willing to break free from it to create a new way of interacting with each other.

Your marriage can heal without changing your spouse. When challenges arise in your marriage, you might find yourself praying for God to change your spouse. However, prayers like "God, please make him stay home more," or "God, help my partner be less critical," focus on your desires for the relationship, rather than God's plan. Instead, open yourself to rebuilding your marriage with your spouse as they are, not as you wish them to be.

• If you have a rigid vision of what your restored marriage should look like, you might unintentionally be resisting God's plan for both of you.
• Consider praying something like, "God, help me stop being critical of my partner. I want to love them freely, just like I did when we first married."

Love isn’t always effortless. At the start, it may feel natural, with no thoughts of disagreement, but over time, everyday challenges can make it harder to experience that initial excitement. What’s incredible about love is that it’s not just a feeling—it’s a choice. When you choose to love your spouse even in tough times, you're rebuilding your marriage on a solid and enduring foundation.

• In Ephesians 5:28, the Bible teaches, "Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies." This applies to all spouses—you don’t stop loving yourself just because of an injury, and you shouldn’t stop loving your spouse just because your marriage is facing difficulties.

Make it a habit to acknowledge something you value about them every day. In Ephesians 5:20, the Bible encourages us to "Be thankful." This message is directly before a section about how spouses should treat each other. By prioritizing gratitude in your daily interactions, you can help rebuild the love and trust in your relationship. It also provides your spouse with positive feedback, encouraging them to continue the behaviors you appreciate.

• During tough times, it might be hard to find anything to be thankful for. Start with small things, like saying, "Thanks for taking out the trash," or "I appreciate you doing the laundry."
• As expressing gratitude becomes part of your routine, you’ll find it easier to identify things to be thankful for.

Marriage is about give and take. Giving in to your partner can be challenging, especially if you’ve been hurt or feel strongly that you're in the right. Yet, Ephesians 5:21 advises spouses to "Submit to one another." This means that to maintain a godly marriage, both partners must be willing to listen to each other’s needs and prioritize them.

• Compromise will look different in each relationship. It might involve finding a balance in how to raise your children, setting boundaries with family members, or choosing where to live or work.
• Don’t lose heart, even if it feels like you're the only one compromising. Over time, your partner will notice your efforts. If they’re still committed to the relationship, they’ll eventually meet you halfway.

Respecting one another can be challenging, but keep at it. When your marriage feels fractured, negative emotions like resentment, anger, and contempt can impact the way you interact with your spouse. Make an effort to release past grievances, focus on the present, and communicate with your spouse in a loving, respectful manner.

• Respect can look like actively listening to your spouse, thoughtfully considering their viewpoint, and staying calm even when you disagree.

God does not want your marriage to fail. The Bible clearly states that marriage is a sacred union. Genesis 2:24 tells us, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." God brought you and your spouse together to be one, and He desires to see you grow together. Even through tough times, trust in His power to heal your relationship.

• Things may not improve instantly, but practice patience as you work through the challenges in your marriage.
• Proverbs 3:5-6 captures this kind of faith: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."

Alter the way you manage conflicts. As you work toward healing your marriage, it's inevitable that you'll face disagreements. Don't let these moments discourage you. Although it may not feel that way in the moment, this is actually an excellent chance to learn how to handle future conflicts more effectively. If emotions run high, tell your spouse you need a break. When you've regained composure, return and continue the conversation.

• James 1:19 teaches this approach: "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."

God designed physical intimacy to be an essential part of a flourishing marriage. You may feel tempted to pull away from your partner during difficult times, but the Bible advises against this. In 1 Corinthians 7:5, it says, "Do not deprive each other [of intimacy], except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time...but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

• While maintaining self-control is one reason for keeping intimacy in a marriage, it’s not the only one. Physical closeness also strengthens your emotional connection, helping you both stay united through life’s challenges.

Sometimes, a fresh perspective can provide much-needed clarity. It's completely okay to seek help when your marriage is facing difficulties. A faith-based therapist can facilitate important discussions and offer spiritual guidance, equipping you with the tools to improve communication and resolve conflicts with greater respect.

• If you are facing complex issues like infidelity, substance abuse, or trust problems, a licensed marriage counselor may be the best option.
• Alternatively, you may find it helpful to seek advice from church elders or couples with strong, healthy marriages, particularly when issues revolve around communication or compromise.