Buzz
Has a narcissistic ex shattered your heart and left you to pick up the pieces? You’re probably feeling a mix of sadness, anger, and betrayal right now. When dealing with a narcissist, the best form of revenge is to live a truly happy life. We’ll guide you to move on and thrive, making that narcissistic ex furious and disappointed.
Steps
Ignore Their Manipulative Tactics
Narcissists often employ various tricks to manipulate you, so don’t fall into their traps. They have plenty of tactics to control you, such as ‘love bombing,’ emotional manipulation, and revenge. You can’t defeat a narcissist by engaging in their games. Simply ignore their attempts to manipulate you. This will drive them crazy because they’ll realize they no longer have control over you.
- Don’t argue with a narcissist, as they will only escalate the situation until they achieve their goal. They are incapable of seeing things from your perspective. The best course of action is to ignore them completely.
- Revenge is one of the narcissist’s favorite games. If they feel slighted, they might spread rumors about you, destroy your possessions, or engage in violent behavior. In some cases, they’ll harbor thoughts of revenge for a long time.
- Typical revenge tactics don’t work on narcissists, but they will get infuriated when they see you continuing to live happily.
Show them how happy you are without them
Narcissists will suffer when they see you happy. They will never truly experience happiness because they lack the ability to feel it. All they can do is play their games and try to bring others down. Show that narcissistic person how joyful your life is without them. This will make them experience heartbreak. You can do things like:
- Post pictures on social media of you enjoying time with family and friends.
- Brag to mutual friends about your accomplishments and progress toward your goals.
- Go on a few spontaneous dates or group hangouts to dive into the dating scene.
- Refresh your look after the breakup.
Set boundaries to protect yourself
You can use boundaries to silence a narcissist, which is something they absolutely despise. Set boundaries by thinking about what you need from them and clearly stating your demands. Be honest about what you can tolerate and what you won’t allow. You can say things like:
- "Please stop contacting me."
- "Do not share my photos with anyone else."
- "I won’t talk to you if you yell at me."
- "I’ll end the conversation if you insult me."
- "I’ll only discuss matters related to the kids with you."
Refuse to give them what they want
Focus on your own needs to show the narcissist what they’ve lost. Narcissists are masters of exploitation. They expect you to meet their demands without any intention of reciprocating. Start saying 'no' to them and concentrate on what you want. This will disappoint them, and they’ll realize how wonderful a partner you were.
- Stop answering their calls and messages.
- Don’t react to anything they say or do.
- Stop complimenting them.
- Stop helping them with what they want.
Stay calm when they try to provoke you
Narcissists want you to react to satisfy their ego, so don’t give them that satisfaction. They expect you to get angry, hurt, or regretful. Any response from you gives them a sense of victory, whether you scream, cry, or apologize. No matter how difficult it may be, try your best to remain calm and don’t react. Try:
- Take a few deep breaths
- Count to 10
- Repeat the word 'relax' in your head
- Visualize a peaceful scene
- Do some stretching exercises
Cut all communication with them if possible
Narcissists feel empowered when you communicate with them, so don’t give them that power. They will use communication to find ways back into your life. On the other hand, not engaging with them will make them feel a sense of loss. Block them on your phone and social media, and make sure to avoid places where they might show up.
- You may still need to speak with them if you share children or work together. In that case, try to limit your discussions to only children or work-related topics.
Beware of the 'love bombing' tactic
Don’t listen to their attempts to lure you back so they can continue controlling your life. To achieve their goal, they will express intense affection, just like when they first pursued you. They hope to pull you back in. However, this phase will be short-lived, and soon enough, they’ll reveal their true narcissistic nature once you’ve let your guard down. Brush off their efforts, and you will come out victorious.
- They will likely shower you with praise, claiming they miss you terribly. They’ll keep this up until you return, only to go back to their manipulative games.
Listen to your inner voice
Follow what you truly desire and don’t worry about their opinion. Once a narcissist has you, they will try to break you down and make you doubt yourself. They want you to feel less important than them. Ignore their attempts and trust that you have the same potential and intelligence they do. Make choices that feel right to you, and the narcissist will be disappointed when they lose the control they once had.
- Go after the career you’ve always dreamed of, even if they once told you that you weren’t good at it. Similarly, pursue a new hobby, even if your ex criticized it as a waste of time.
- Learn to trust your instincts.
Love yourself instead of investing your emotions in them
Feed your ego with your own energy to prove you are important. Instead of giving all your love to the narcissist, focus your energy on fulfilling your own needs. Don’t forget to chase your dreams and aspirations. When they see you shine, the narcissist will be furious, realizing they’ve lost control over you—forever. This will cause them pain.
- Set meaningful goals for yourself.
- Practice self-care to feel and look your best.
- Give yourself credit.
Build a support system
Rely on those who truly care for you during your recovery. You deserve love and support, and there are people out there who genuinely care about you. You may even meet new friends who don’t know the narcissist. This way, you’ll have people who completely have your back.
- The narcissist might try to turn some people against you. While this can be heartbreaking, remember, it’s not your fault. In the end, most people will see that the problem lies with the narcissist. Meanwhile, spend time with those who believe in you.
Understand that the fault lies with the narcissist
Narcissists try to blame you for everything, even when it’s not your responsibility. You don’t need to justify their toxic behavior. They’ve chosen to insult, lie, and manipulate your emotions to control you. When you start blaming yourself, remember, it’s not your fault. You can also talk to someone you trust who can offer encouragement.
- Remind yourself: “I did everything I could to nurture this relationship,” “I can’t control anyone’s actions,” “I gave my all to this relationship.”
- Talk to someone you trust to release your emotions. Unfortunately, speaking with the narcissist will only make them try harder to make you feel bad.
Focus on healing the wounds caused by narcissistic abuse.
Narcissists often try to drain your strength by criticizing you, so focus on strengthening your self-determination. Their insults can harm your self-esteem and may even cause you to doubt yourself. The truth is, you are entirely worthy of love, with many wonderful and unique qualities that make you special. Don't forget to take some time to remind yourself of your strengths.
- You may want to visit a therapist who can help rebuild your confidence after a toxic relationship. They will assist in healing the damage caused by the narcissist's behavior.
Advice
- Because narcissists crave constant attention, they often switch partners as easily as changing clothes. Don't be surprised if they quickly move on, but don't let it upset you. It's just that they are in desperate need of someone to replace you.
