Buzz
If your boyfriend frequently scrutinizes your outfits, saying what you should wear and what you shouldn't, you might feel confused, shocked, and hurt. It's not acceptable for anyone, especially your boyfriend, to dictate your wardrobe choices. Everyone has the right to make decisions for themselves. Keep reading this article to understand why someone controlling your clothing choices is a red flag, how to stand up for yourself, and how to stop this behavior.
Steps
Is it okay for your boyfriend to pick your clothes for you?
No, this is neither normal nor healthy behavior. In a healthy relationship, one person shouldn't control the other's clothing choices. What you wear is entirely up to you – it's your wardrobe, and it's your body! If your boyfriend is doing the opposite, it's a worrying sign.
Why your boyfriend shouldn't decide what you wear?
This is your body. No one has the right to tell you what to do with your own body, whether it's about food, drinks, hairstyle, or clothing. Everyone has the right to make decisions about their own body and attire.
How you express yourself is entirely up to you. Your appearance speaks to who you are. The way you dress reflects your self-perception and what you want to express to the world. You have full control over how to express your individuality.
This is unfair to you. When someone tells you how to dress, it implies that you lack the ability to make decisions for yourself, and that’s wrong. If your boyfriend believes you can’t pick your own clothes, that’s simply unfair.
Why does your boyfriend insist on telling you what to wear?
He might be lacking confidence. Some men try to control their partner's wardrobe because of their own insecurities, fearing that their significant other might attract the attention of others with their outfit. However, being anxious does not give them the right to dictate what their partner should wear.
- If your boyfriend frequently insists on hearing that you love him or constantly needs reassurance, he is likely struggling with self-esteem issues.
He might have controlling tendencies. If a man tells you what to wear, it's a sign he may be trying to control you, and could even have the potential for abusive behavior. Watch out for other warning signs such as:
- He frequently insults or humiliates you, often commenting on your weight or appearance.
- He demands your attention or expects you to treat him according to his preferences.
- He blames you for things outside of your control.
- He threatens you or gives you ultimatums.
He may have outdated views on women and gender roles. Some men believe that women should not dress in revealing clothing. They mistakenly think that women who dress this way are being inappropriate. If your boyfriend holds such views, it's a clear sign of a distorted and problematic mindset.
What to do if your boyfriend tells you what you should or shouldn't wear
Express your disagreement. Stand your ground and make it clear that you don't appreciate him telling you how to dress. You can either be direct and firm or play it off lightly if you prefer not to make a big deal out of it. Just ensure he knows you won’t accept it. You could say:
- “Don’t tell me how to dress.”
- “Thanks for the suggestion, but I’m fine on my own.”
- “Why do you think you have the right to tell me what to wear?”
- “I’m not a doll for you to dress up. Please stop doing that.”
Engage in a conversation with him to ask why he believes this is normal. Ask him to explain why he thinks it's okay for you to do this, so that both of you can address the issue together. He might not realize that his actions are aggressive, or perhaps his communication is poor, and he doesn't mean it that way. This can also help you distinguish between men with potential abusive tendencies and those who simply don't understand that their actions are harmful.
- You could say, 'Why did you do that? Do you realize that telling me what I should wear is disrespectful? What were you thinking at that moment?'
- A thoughtful guy might respond, 'Sorry, I was just trying to joke around; we're at a formal event, and I was worried they wouldn’t let you in with those sandals. I didn’t mean to control you.'
- An abusive guy might say, 'I don’t like that dress. It’s too revealing. Change.'
Consider ending the relationship if your boyfriend is overly controlling. You have every right to break up with someone who thinks they can decide what you wear. Don’t blame yourself if you feel it’s time to pack your bags and leave.
- This is a major red flag, and if it happens early in the relationship, it’s truly concerning.
Is there a valid reason for your boyfriend to ask you to change your clothes?
It makes sense if you’re attending an event with a dress code. If you're about to attend an event that requires a certain dress code and you’ve forgotten or misunderstood the dress guidelines, your boyfriend might suggest you change clothes. However, he shouldn't be commanding you, so the way he says it matters a lot.
- For example, 'Hey, they said only black ties are allowed. Do you think the red dress is okay?' is a completely reasonable suggestion.
- If he says something like, 'You can’t wear that shirt. It’s inappropriate,' that could be a warning sign.
There’s nothing wrong if your boyfriend lightly suggests you wear something because he thinks it looks nice. If he playfully says, 'You should wear this cute red dress,' it means he’s complimenting you (and he finds you attractive in that dress). People often make comments like this when they feel comfortable with their partner, so as long as he doesn’t sound demanding, it’s not a big issue.
- If your boyfriend is not being authoritarian and just offering a suggestion, he’s probably not a bad person. But don’t hesitate to speak up if you feel uncomfortable with his comments.
This can be good if you find his advice reasonable or if you like it when your boyfriend gives you fashion tips. Everyone has their own opinions, and if you think your boyfriend's suggestions are useful, that's fine! And if you enjoy having your boyfriend act as your stylist, that's completely okay too. As long as you're happy, content, and he’s not a controlling person, you don’t need to worry about this matter.
- By the way, if your boyfriend has a fashionable style or works in fashion design, you might really appreciate his feedback!
- Many girls enjoy being the sweet and obedient girlfriend and sometimes prefer a partner who’s a little “controlling.” If you're one of those girls, don’t feel bad about it!
- It’s important to note that he shouldn’t dictate how you dress. Offering suggestions is fine though.
