Buzz
Learn how to move forward with your friendship after an unexpected kiss
In close friendships, emotions can become complicated, and unexpected events can occur... like sharing a kiss! If you and a friend have kissed, and now you're unsure about what to do next, you’ve come to the right place. Open communication can help resolve any confusion, whether you're hoping to return to the way things were or exploring the possibility of something more romantic. Read our guide to smoothly navigate the situation. Let’s get started!
Things You Need to Consider
- Discuss how the kiss made you feel and encourage your friend to share their feelings as well. Once you’ve both expressed yourselves, decide how to proceed together.
- If you choose to remain friends, stick to that decision. Try to treat them as you did before the kiss.
- If you're interested in exploring a romantic relationship, consider going on a date to see each other in that light.
- Respect the friendship by keeping the kiss private. Avoid gossiping about it or telling others what happened; treat your friend the way you’d like to be treated.
Steps
Talking About the Kiss with Your Friend
If you feel the need, take some space. For many people, taking a step back from the friend they kissed can help ease any tension or awkwardness. Giving yourself some time apart might offer the clarity and emotional distance you need to continue the friendship, regardless of your feelings.
- Be sure to explain to your friend why you need a break. If you simply stop talking to them, they may assume you no longer want to be friends. By explaining your need for space, you set a clear boundary and avoid misunderstandings.
Have an open conversation about the kiss. The first step after a kiss is to discuss it openly. Talking about what happened is essential for preserving the friendship. Your conversation will help you both understand how to move forward and how to handle the situation.
- Express how you feel about the kiss. You might say, "I think we really need to talk about what just happened."
- Bring up any concerns about how the kiss might affect your friendship. For example: "I'm worried that this might complicate our relationship, but I really want to stay friends."
- If you have romantic feelings, be honest about it. If either of you feels more than just friendship, it’s best to voice it. This clears up any possible confusion and helps you both move forward in the same direction.
Agree on how to proceed. After discussing the kiss, it’s important to come to a mutual understanding of how to move forward. Reaching an agreement ensures you both know how to behave around each other. Depending on your feelings and goals, decide on:
- How to continue as friends. Example: "I just want us to stay friends, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen."
- Whether to share this with other friends. Example: "I’d prefer to keep this between us so there’s no confusion or gossip."
- How to approach a romantic relationship if that's your desire. Example: "It seems like there’s something more here... I think we should go on an official date."
- How to handle physical contact in the future. Example: "I’m unsure about how I feel, but if we kiss again, it might make things more complicated. I don’t think I want to go down that road again."
Keep listening to each other’s thoughts and feelings. Even if your initial conversation clears the air and sets the tone for continuing the friendship, one or both of you may still feel confused about the relationship. It's also possible that feelings for each other still linger. That’s why it’s crucial to continue communicating to avoid further confusion.
- If your friend wants to talk, be receptive and encourage them to share.
- "I just want you to know that if your feelings change or if you want to talk more, I’m here for you. I want to make sure we really understand each other and that you feel heard."
Keep being open and honest about your emotions as well. You might say, "I think it’s important for us to be transparent about how we feel regarding the kiss and each other."
- If it works for your dynamic, consider discussing your feelings regularly, whether it’s weekly or more often.
- If new emotions emerge, share them: "I think I might be developing romantic feelings for you. Can we talk about that?"
- Alternatively, if you’re happy to remain friends, express that: "I’m so glad we chose to stay friends instead of pursuing a romantic relationship. I value having you in my life!"
Moving Forward After the Kiss
Stick to the plan you both agreed upon. After discussing the situation, coming to an understanding, and clearing up any confusion, it's important to follow through with what you both decided. This helps avoid any awkward situations.
- Remember what your friend shared in your previous conversations. If you’ve both agreed to simply be friends, then act accordingly.
- If you still have romantic feelings for your friend, but they don’t want to pursue a relationship, avoid acting on those feelings (we know this is easier said than done). Keep in mind that you agreed to maintain the friendship, and respecting that choice is key. If it’s challenging, lean on a close friend or loved one for support.
- Even if you don’t have romantic feelings, the situation can still feel complicated after a kiss. Keep reminding yourself that you made the right decision and seek additional support from friends if necessary.
Act as naturally as possible if you’ve decided to stay just friends. To preserve your friendship, it’s important to act as you always have. If you begin to act awkwardly or treat your friend differently, it may strain your relationship.
- There's no need to act nervous or avoid your friend. You both care about each other, and you’re moving past the kiss, so feel free to relax.
- If you feel nervous or uncomfortable, talk to your friend about it. Open communication can help both of you feel more at ease.
- Whether or not you still have feelings, some awkwardness after a kiss is totally normal. Try taking a few deep breaths and remind yourself that this nervousness will fade over time.
Be a supportive friend. One of the most crucial aspects of maintaining a friendship after a kiss is focusing on being a good friend. If you both decide to remain friends, your relationship will be strongest if you continue to nurture the friendship.
- Keep communicating with your friend. Share thoughts and feelings just like you did before the kiss.
- Continue doing fun activities together. Enjoy each other's company as you always have, because fun is a cornerstone of friendship.
- Maintain your perspective on each other as friends. This can be challenging. Whether you have lingering romantic feelings or not, it can be tough to transition back to a platonic relationship after a kiss. Remind yourself that you made this choice for a reason, and things will get back to normal over time.
Keeping the Kiss Confidential
Avoid sharing the details with others. Talking about the kiss or the discussions you had afterward with others could jeopardize your relationship. Keep in mind that the kiss and the conversations that followed were built on trust.
- By keeping it private, you prevent gossip that could potentially hurt either of you.
- It’s best to keep the conversation between the two of you, rather than involving others.
- Only discuss the kiss or the aftermath with others if you both agree to do so.
Fight the urge to feel jealous. Eventually, one or both of you might start a relationship after the kiss. While feeling a bit of jealousy is completely natural (even if you didn’t have romantic feelings before), try not to let it control you. Jealousy can harm your friendship, especially if you’ve chosen to remain friends.
- Don’t react negatively or be passive-aggressive when your friend starts dating someone new.
- Remember, you want your friend to be happy. If their new partner brings them joy, this is what you want for them.
- Treat your friend's new partner with kindness. Negative behavior will only strain your bond.
- If you have concerns about their new partner, it’s better to keep those feelings to yourself or share them directly with your friend.
- If you're comfortable with their new partner, feel free to get to know them better.
Continue engaging in group activities with mutual friends. To maintain your friendship, stay involved with other people in your friend group. This will allow you to continue enjoying activities together as a group.
- Keep participating in the same activities as before. Whether it’s watching movies, going for picnics, or attending concerts, enjoy those moments together!
- Don’t attempt to compete for attention or influence others in the group. Even if you have lingering feelings or the kiss left you confused, avoid trying to manipulate group dynamics.
- It’s important not to exclude the friend you kissed from group activities. Keep the group dynamic intact for everyone’s benefit.
