Buzz
Whether you're aiming to revive a past connection or have reconsidered your feelings about someone you initially rejected, there are effective strategies to pursue a relationship with them. By deciding to take the initiative, focusing on personal growth, and re-establishing contact, you can successfully date someone you previously turned down.
Steps to Follow
Deciding to Pursue Them
Check if they're in a relationship. If the person you're interested in has already found someone new, it might be best to move on.
- Inquire with mutual friends about their current status
- Look for hints on their social media profiles
- Think back to whether you've noticed them spending time with someone
Evaluate why things didn't work out initially. There were specific reasons why you turned them down before. It’s tempting to overlook these issues after some time has passed or if you’re feeling lonely, but it’s crucial to address your previous concerns and decide if they can be resolved. Failing to do so might lead to hurting them again.
- Did you find them unappealing or irritating? If so, has this changed?
- Did they betray your trust or cause you pain? If yes, can you move past it?
- Were you dealing with personal challenges when you rejected them? Has your situation improved?
- Were you simply not compatible? If so, do you believe you can find common ground now?
Gauge their feelings toward you. If you’re still in contact with this person, try to understand their current feelings about you. This will help you decide whether it’s worth pursuing them. Observe their behavior around you objectively, and consider seeking input from a trusted friend.
- Negative indicators include: changing their contact details, ignoring your messages, or avoiding you.
- Positive indicators include: visibly brightening when you’re around, making time for you, or staying close to you in social settings.
Working on Self-Improvement
Think of ways to enhance your appeal. Since you previously rejected this person, you might be at a slight disadvantage due to lingering hurt feelings on their part. Counter this by focusing on self-improvement. Start by brainstorming ways to make yourself more attractive. Consider the following ideas:
- Improving your listening skills
- Updating or refining your appearance
- Becoming more emotionally aware
- Making a positive career change
- Enhancing your living environment
Create a plan. Focus on ways to increase your attractiveness to this person and choose a method for self-improvement. Once you’ve set a goal, break it into smaller, actionable steps and set deadlines for each.
- If improving your listening skills is the goal, practice with friends and family and ask for their feedback.
- If enhancing your appearance is the goal, divide it into tasks like getting a haircut, updating your wardrobe, or joining a gym.
- If emotional awareness is your focus, dedicate time daily to reflect on your feelings, start a gratitude journal, or talk to a trusted friend or therapist.
- If improving your living space is the goal, begin by decluttering, then organize and decorate your space.
Take the first step. Once your plan is ready, it’s time to implement the changes. This phase is the most challenging yet rewarding part of self-improvement. Focus on one small step at a time, and avoid feeling overwhelmed by the bigger picture. As you make progress, you’ll naturally become more appealing to the person you’re trying to reconnect with.
- Set a start date (within the next two weeks) and identify your initial action. When the day arrives, act without hesitation—hit the gym, start journaling, or begin organizing your space!
- Stay motivated by celebrating every small achievement.
- Connect with a community of people working toward similar goals.
Reconnecting with Them
Send a thoughtful message. If you’re ready to reconnect, start with a casual text. This approach allows you to gauge their interest without being too forward. If they reply within a few hours and their tone matches yours, it’s a positive sign to continue pursuing them.
- Avoid making it seem like you’re only interested in something casual.
- Try saying, "It’s been a while since we last caught up. I hope you’re doing well."
- Texting is less pressure than calling, as it doesn’t demand an immediate response.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1432 Mytour readers, and only 9% would reach out to an ex by calling and expressing their feelings. [Take Poll]
Maintain the dialogue. Continue texting casually for a few days or a week. If the conversation flows well, gradually express that you miss them. For example, say, "Talking to you has been great. I really miss hanging out with you."
- Wait for their response before sending another message.
- Limit yourself to a couple of texts per day.
- It’s fine to take a day off between messages.
- Reply to their texts within two hours.
Acknowledge past mistakes. Even if they seem open to reconnecting, they may still have reservations. Address any past hurt you caused and reassure them that things will be different this time.
- You could say, "I know I hurt you before. I was selfish and scared, and I’m truly sorry."
- Follow up with, "I’ve worked hard to change and grow. I believe I’m a better person now."
- Avoid dwelling on every detail of the past—focus on a fresh start.
Suggest a relaxed outing. If things are going smoothly, propose a casual meet-up. Opt for something low-pressure, such as grabbing a drink or coffee together, to keep things light. This will help you quickly gauge if the connection feels right. If the vibe is positive and you’re both having a good time, consider arranging a second date.
