Buzz
Everyone has encountered friends or coworkers who drain their energy by constantly complaining that the world is against them. Unfortunately, you often have to deal with various types of negative individuals in life. However, the negativity of others can also impact your own well-being. Therefore, it’s essential to take care of your health and distance yourself from negativity whenever possible. Fortunately, there are numerous methods you can employ to handle negative people effectively.
Steps
Handling Negative People in the Moment
Remember that you don’t have to try to make them happy, solve their problems, or provide solutions for them. Assisting them in turning things around is commendable, but keep in mind that you might not succeed, and it’s not your responsibility.
- Sometimes, the best way to deal with negative people is to maintain a positive attitude and ignore their negativity.
- Unsolicited advice is rarely appreciated. Wait until the person explicitly asks for your opinion.
- Occasionally, someone’s negative state is entirely justified; you should respect this. The quickest way to frustrate someone who’s already upset is to tell them they shouldn’t feel that way. While this might be true, it’s rarely helpful.
- Be a role model of positivity. Sometimes, the best approach is to embody a positive attitude. Simply being optimistic and maintaining this mindset in a sea of negativity can yield results.
Offer support. When first interacting with someone you know is quite negative, listen to them empathetically. Try to assist if they ask for help. Everyone has bad days or occasionally needs support. Simply being helpful and understanding can spread positivity to others.
- If the person continues to dwell on negative topics, leaving you emotionally drained after interactions, and they persistently use negative phrases (I can't, they didn't, I hate, etc.), it’s time to try to calm their negativity.
Avoid engaging in negativity. It’s easy to get caught in a negative spiral when dealing with negative people. Not allowing yourself to be immersed doesn’t mean ignoring them but maintaining emotional distance.
- Avoid arguing about why they shouldn’t feel negative. Your first instinct might be to debate their feelings, but this often backfires. Defensive individuals will cling to their reasons, wasting your time and energy, and possibly dragging you into their negativity.
- Negative people tend to exaggerate, focus on their negativity, and ignore positivity. Instead of pointing out their negativity (which often leads to confrontation), respond neutrally, showing you’re listening without agreeing.
- Neutral responses include: "Hmm" or "I see."
- You can add positive feedback, but avoid contradicting them: "I see. It must be tough when clients act that way. I’d try not to take it personally."
Use appreciative inquiry. If the person expresses negativity about a specific event or topic, engage them using a technique called “appreciative inquiry.” This involves asking questions to help them envision a brighter future. If they complain about a past event, ask positive-focused questions about their experience or their future.
- Questions like, "What do you hope happens next time?" or "What positive aspects came from that experience?"
- These questions steer the conversation toward a more optimistic outlook and actionable steps.
Redirect the conversation. If appreciative inquiry doesn’t lead to a positive dialogue, shift the conversation to something lighter.
- For example, say, "I understand you’re upset about your coworker. That sounds tough. So, tell me about your weekend plans." Or, "Wow, that sounds challenging. Have you seen that new documentary yet?"
Try to break the cycle of negative rumination. Ruminating (repeatedly dwelling on negative thoughts) only reinforces negativity and is linked to increased depression. If the person keeps revisiting a problem, see if you can break the cycle by redirecting their focus.
- While redirecting might lead to a more positive aspect of the same topic, breaking negative rumination often requires a complete topic change. If they keep talking about a work issue, try shifting to their favorite TV show, pets, or something that fosters a more positive conversation.
Help them recognize ways to take control of the situation. Negative individuals often blame external factors rather than themselves. Those who frequently blame others for their problems tend to have weaker emotional resilience compared to those with a different perspective. Try to assist the negative person in developing a plan to address the negative event.
- Venting about a negative situation isn’t necessarily unhealthy. We often seek ways to overcome challenges and create action plans during such times. Help them channel their negative energy into something constructive. For example, ask what they can do to improve an unfavorable work situation.
Help them accept the negative event. Beyond discussing how to respond to negative events, you can also guide them toward acceptance. For instance, if a friend is reprimanded for being late to work and complains about taking the bus, disliking their boss, etc., you might offer perspectives like:
- “Well, the reprimand is on your record now, and it won’t change, but you can have it removed in six months. Show your boss you’re committed to being on time from now on.”
- “What if you biked to work? You wouldn’t rely on bus schedules and could leave home a bit later.”
- “I know you’re upset about this. I’m sorry it happened. If you’d like, I can help you prepare in the mornings to ensure you’re on time. Let me know if you want my help.”
Set boundaries. When dealing with negative people, establish clear boundaries on how you’ll interact. You’re not responsible for managing someone else’s negativity. If they make you uncomfortable, distance yourself.
- If the negative person is a coworker, politely end conversations by saying you need to return to work. Be tactful to avoid escalating their negativity.
- If it’s a family member (especially one you live with), create space by visiting a library, café, or simply not answering their calls.
Dealing with Negative People Long-Term
Identify the type of negative person. Part of long-term handling of negative individuals is determining if they’re inherently negative or just having a bad day.
- Negative people often develop this trait due to repeated disappointment and hurt, leading to anger tied to their circumstances.
- They tend to blame external factors rather than themselves. Of course, some are entirely self-critical, which can also be draining for those around them.
Avoid preaching or lecturing them. Long-term friendships or work relationships with negative individuals can drain your patience, time, and energy, but it’s crucial to avoid preaching or lecturing them. Negative people often resist criticism and may see it as proof that you’re against them rather than viewing your advice constructively.
- While venting might help you express your feelings, it won’t improve the situation. If you need to vent about a negative person, share your thoughts with someone you trust in your support network rather than directly with them.
Take action instead of just reacting. One way to help yourself and the negative person is to perform kind acts for them, not triggered by a specific situation or conversation. Rejection reinforces their negative worldview, so acts of acceptance can bring about the necessary change.
- People often overlook the support they receive while forming negative mindsets. Perform positive actions for the negative person even when not prompted by negativity. This can significantly influence their interactions with you.
- For example, if you often make excuses to avoid meeting them while they dwell on a bad situation, proactively call to arrange a meeting when they’re not in a negative mood.
Remind them of positive aspects to reinforce their positivity. Bring up happy memories you’ve shared or humorous situations. Compliment them when they do something good. This helps them remember that someone cares and is trying to brighten their day.
- For example, “Your essay was excellent. I was really impressed by all the research you did.”
Occasionally, perform a random act of kindness. It could be anything, from helping them with daily tasks to inviting them to a movie or even a walk. This is a great way to affirm positivity without turning it into a lecture about their attitude, as no one enjoys being lectured.
Spend time in a group setting. Sometimes, the best way to handle a negative person (especially if they’re part of your friend group) is to organize group events where they blend among diverse personalities. However, ensure the situation doesn’t end with the group ganging up on them.
- This works best when everyone in the group shows empathy toward the negative person and uses similar strategies to help them overcome their negativity.
Take charge of building your own happiness. Humans are inherently social creatures, and their happiness often hinges on the quality of their relationships with others. However, only you can be responsible for your own positivity and happiness.
- Being happy regardless of circumstances means taking control of your emotions rather than letting situations dictate them. For instance, if you're dealing with a negative person, you can choose to let them drain your positivity, or you can support yourself by reminding yourself of your own positivity before and after interacting with them.
- Managing your emotional responses is akin to training your muscles. You need to practice becoming more in control of your emotional reactions to external situations, such as dealing with negative individuals.
Assess the person's role in your life. Sometimes, the best way to handle a negative person is to remove them entirely from your life. There are times when their negativity can be so overwhelming that it prevents you from building a fulfilling and joyful relationship.
- You need to weigh the pros and cons of removing this person from your life. This can be particularly challenging if they are part of a friend group you know well. It might even be impossible if the person is a colleague or your superior.
- Honestly evaluate what you gain from the relationship with this person, and avoid relying too much on the nature of this relationship 'in the past' if they have become negative over the last few months or years.
Keep your distance from the person. If you can't completely stop seeing the person, keeping your distance is the best option you can take. Remember, you need to take care of yourself. You don't owe anyone your time and energy, especially if they are draining you with their negativity.
Advice
- Remember that there are various reasons why people become negative, including feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, a painful past, life disappointments, low confidence, etc.
- Negative people often struggle to see the positive side or positive outcomes in life. Keep in mind that they themselves need to want to change their way of thinking.
- Avoid reacting to negative comments. If you don't provide the person with the reaction they seek, they will stop because their attention-seeking behavior isn't effective.
- Be polite, avoid being too harsh, and practice patience.
Warning
- Individuals who frequently display negativity may be suffering from depression. If their negativity manifests as discussions about self-harm or harming others, you should encourage them to seek professional help.
- Do not allow someone else's negativity to turn you into a pessimist. Above all, you must take responsibility for building your own happiness.
