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How to uplift a depressed friend with your words
When a friend is struggling with depression, showing love and support is essential. This article provides 12 carefully crafted text messages to send to someone experiencing depression, along with phrases to avoid. Insights from certified master life coach Jessica George and clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSV, are included to help you offer meaningful support.
Words of Comfort for Someone Facing Depression
- "What can I do to support you at this moment?"
- "We don’t need to discuss it, but I’m here whenever you’re ready."
- "Just a reminder—you’re loved and valued by me."
Guidelines
Ways to Support a Depressed Friend Through Text Messages
"I'm here for you whenever you need." Depression often makes people feel disconnected from loved ones, making it hard to reach out. Sending a text to remind your friend of your constant presence can ease their sense of isolation and reassure them that they can turn to you during tough times.
- George suggests asking depressed friends if they want to improve their situation. "Some do," she explains, "while others prefer to wait until the fog lifts." If they’re not ready for advice, simply being a non-judgmental listener can be incredibly supportive.
"How can I support you right now?" Your friend may hesitate to ask for help, even when they desperately need it. By directly offering assistance, you remove the burden of them having to ask. This small act can be deeply meaningful, even if there’s nothing specific you can do at the moment.
- George emphasizes the importance of asking, "How can I help you right now?" The phrase "right now" shows your willingness to take immediate action, making your offer feel genuine and timely.
- Your friend might need encouragement to start their day or assistance with scheduling therapy appointments. With their permission, send a daily motivational text or accompany them while they make important calls.
"No need to talk about it now, but I'm here whenever you're ready." Your friend may not feel prepared to open up about their emotions. Pressuring them could increase their anxiety, so reassure them that you’re available whenever they feel comfortable. This approach helps them feel supported and understood without any pressure.
- George highlights the importance of creating a "safe space" for her friends to share their thoughts or seek advice.
- Another option is to say, "No obligation to reply, but I’m always here if you need someone to listen."
"Check out this photo I found! We had such a great time." Share a picture of a happy moment you shared with your friend. Depression can make it difficult for them to recall positive memories or believe that others value their company. Sending a photo can remind them of the joy you’ve shared and how much you cherish your time together.
- Consider sending a snapshot from a memorable hike or a fun photobooth session from a night out.
- You could also add a message like, "Looking forward to doing this again soon!" This shows your enthusiasm for future plans and spending more time together.
"One thing I absolutely adore about you is..." Depression often brings self-doubt, making your friend question their worth or your feelings toward them. A heartfelt compliment can reassure them of your love and appreciation, brightening their day and boosting their confidence.
- For example, you could text, "Your humor is unmatched! I’m still cracking up about that joke you made at work lol" or "Your artistic talent blows me away. Your paintings always brighten my mood."
"This made me think of you and laugh." Share a funny meme, an adorable animal photo, or a hilarious GIF. Your friend might need a moment of joy and silliness to break through their struggles. Even if they’re feeling low, they’ll value your effort to bring a smile to their face.
- Consider sending a meme that aligns with their humor, a cute puppy or kitten picture, or a GIF from a show they love.
- Keep the tone light and uplifting to ensure it resonates positively.
"I just want to remind you how much I love and value you." Depression can make it hard to remember that people care. Regularly express your love and appreciation to ensure your friend never forgets how much they mean to you.
- You could also say, "I love you so much!" or "You’re incredible, and don’t you ever forget it!"
"You’re an incredible friend." Your friend might fear that their depression is straining your relationship. Reassure them that your bond remains strong, even if you haven’t spent as much time together lately.
- Try saying, "You’ve always been my rock. I’m so grateful for you" or "I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re truly one of a kind!"
"Food’s on its way to you!" Comfort food can be a powerful way to show you care. If possible, order their favorite meal from a nearby restaurant. This thoughtful gesture is perfect when they’re not up for meeting in person, and the delicious treat is sure to lift their spirits.
- Add a message like, "Just a little something to show how much I care" or "Anything for my bestie!"
- Make sure they’re home to receive the delivery for this to work smoothly.
"I understand things are tough right now, but there are resources available to help you." Your friend might need a gentle nudge to consider professional support. Overcoming severe depression often requires the guidance of a mental health expert, such as a therapist or counselor. Kindly remind them that help is available to navigate their struggles and find a path forward.
- This approach is especially helpful if you notice signs of worsening depression, such as withdrawal from social circles, loss of interest in hobbies, or persistent negative self-talk, as Tenzer points out.
- To ease the process, offer to assist in finding a mental health professional online or accompany them to their initial session.
"Would you like me to call you?" Sometimes, your friend might need someone to talk to. If they seem particularly low or in need of comfort, suggest a phone call. Even if they decline, the gesture will remind them they’re not alone and that you care.
- You could also propose a video call with a message like, "I’m free tonight if you want to FaceTime and watch a movie together or just chat 😊"
"Would it be okay if I came over?" Let your friend know you’re eager to spend time with them. Depression can make planning difficult, even when they crave companionship. By offering to visit, you make it easier for them to connect. Even if they’re not ready, your willingness to be there will mean a lot.
- You might add, "We don’t have to talk about anything heavy. I’m happy to just hang out and watch something fun!"
What Not to Say When Texting Someone Who’s Sad
Avoid saying, "Everyone goes through tough times." While it’s true that many people experience depression, you can’t fully understand what your friend is going through. This statement might make them feel dismissed or invalidated. Instead, offer empathy by saying, "You’re not alone. I’m here to support you."
Don’t tell them to "just think positive" or "be happy." Such statements can invalidate your friend’s genuine emotions and make them feel dismissed. It might also come across as if you’re pushing an unrealistic solution. Instead, offer a listening ear without judgment, understanding that they likely need support, not advice.
- As Tenzer explains, "Depression rarely resolves on its own," meaning your friend can’t simply wish their feelings away.
Avoid making them feel guilty for their depression. Sending messages like, "You never spend time with me anymore," or "You need to get over it"—though well-meaning—can worsen their feelings. Instead, meet them where they are and acknowledge that they’re doing their best in a difficult situation.
- Tenzer advises, "Show empathy, be understanding, and let them know you’re there to help them find resources and support."
How to Help Someone Struggling with Depression
Continue inviting them to spend time together. Don’t stop asking your friend to hang out because they’re depressed. The moments they share with you might be some of the few highlights in their life. If they decline, respect their decision, but don’t stop reaching out. Your persistence shows them they’re not alone and that you care.
Practice active listening when they share their feelings. In conversations, we often listen for a chance to interject with our own thoughts. With a depressed friend, active listening is far more effective and compassionate.
- Focus entirely on their words, repeat key points back to them, and ask thoughtful questions to help them process their emotions.
- Your goal isn’t to offer advice or share personal stories but to make them feel heard, understood, and supported as they navigate their feelings.
Establish boundaries and prioritize your well-being. While supporting your friend is important, it’s equally crucial to protect your mental health, time, and energy. Maintain a healthy lifestyle, engage in activities you love, and remember that it’s okay to feel unsure or need space occasionally.
Join the Conversation...
What are your favorite ways to offer encouragement and support to friends via text? What messages have comforted you the most?
Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
The approach varies based on the situation. For a tough day, a simple “I’m thinking of you” can help. For grief, try “I’m here if you want to talk.” For anxiety, reassure them that they’re safe and this phase will pass. Tailor your message to their needs, but remember, the act of reaching out often matters more than the words themselves. Best wishes!
Anonymous wikiCat
When my friends are struggling, I often send messages like "I’m here for you," "I’m really sorry you’re going through this," "Let me know how I can help," "You’re not alone," "I’m thinking of you," "Things will get better—I know it’s hard to see now, but I’m here for you every step of the way," "You mean so much to me, and it hurts to see you like this," or "I’m really glad you trusted me with this."
I also ask if they’d like to talk on the phone or meet up. Sometimes, being together in person or even sitting in silence helps, but I respect it if they prefer to be alone.
I also ask if they’d like to talk on the phone or meet up. Sometimes, being together in person or even sitting in silence helps, but I respect it if they prefer to be alone.
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Read DiscussionWarnings
- If your friend is in crisis or mentions suicidal thoughts, contact a crisis hotline immediately. In the United States or Canada, call or text 988 to reach the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Also, inform a trusted friend or family member about the situation.
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Don’t take it personally if your depressed friend doesn’t reply or responds briefly. They’re dealing with a lot, and sometimes just knowing you’re there is enough to help.
