Buzz
Everyone feels insecure at times, but some people experience it more frequently. If you're dating a girl who often feels insecure or have a loved one in a similar situation, you might find it challenging to comfort them during these moments. Fortunately, there are ways to help them feel more secure while showing them how much you care and love them.
Steps
Discuss her concerns openly.
Avoid dismissing their feelings and pretending everything is fine. If you notice your partner or loved one feeling insecure, sit down with them and talk about it. She will feel better if she can express her thoughts without fear of judgment.
- If she never voices her insecurities, she may dwell on them even more.
Encourage her to express her emotions.
Talk about your girlfriend's feelings when she feels insecure. She might fear that you want to break up or worry that she isn’t good enough for you. If she’s insecure about her appearance, her concerns might stem from not meeting societal beauty standards.
- You can encourage her to share her feelings by saying, “I want to understand what’s on your mind. Can you tell me what you’re going through?”
Show empathy for what she’s feeling.
Let your girlfriend know her feelings are valid. Even if you don’t relate to her emotions or fully understand her background, you can reassure her that everyone has the right to feel what they feel. If she realizes her emotions are valid, she’ll likely open up to you more in the future.
- You could say, “I know you’re having a lot of negative thoughts. It must be really tough to deal with that.”
Avoid giving advice every time your girlfriend speaks negatively.
Insecure individuals often seek validation from others. If you hear your girlfriend criticizing her appearance or complaining that no one likes her, try not to engage in that conversation. Avoid encouraging her to dwell on those feelings, but also don’t simply tell her she looks fine.
- If you catch her saying negative things about herself, you might say, “Interesting. Why do you feel that way?” to start a conversation.
- If you want, you can gently challenge the negative things she says about herself. However, be prepared for resistance because she believes she’s right, and you’re wrong.
Highlight your girlfriend’s positive qualities.
What do you love about her? Show her how much she means to you by complimenting her best traits. If she’s insecure about her body, avoid mentioning anything related to her appearance. You could say:
- “You always know how to make me laugh.”
- “You’re such a great friend.”
- “You’re so talented!”
- “You can pick up any skill so easily.”
Provide reasons to counter your girlfriend’s insecurities.
Insecurities often arise from half-truths or misconceptions. If possible, try to challenge her negative thoughts with questions like, “Is that really true?” or “Why do you think that?” If you can logically explain things, she might realize the flaws in her thinking.
- You could also say, “Have I ever said anything to make you think that?” or “Give me proof that what you’re saying is true.”
Demonstrate confidence in your own words.
Be a positive role model for her to follow. Avoid speaking negatively about yourself; instead, show confidence when discussing your body or relationships. If she sees you doing this, she’ll start feeling more secure and confident in her own life.
- For example, if a friend doesn’t text you back, you could say, “They’re probably busy. It’s not about me.”
- If you’ve gained weight recently, say, “I’ve put on a little weight, but I still look great!”
Don’t call her insecure.
This will only make her insecurities worse. While it can be frustrating to live with someone who feels insecure, pointing out that you notice her insecurity might hurt her feelings. Avoid using the word “insecure” to describe her, even if it feels accurate.
- Some insecure individuals also feel uneasy when others label them as insecure. It’s better to help your girlfriend improve her mood and build her confidence.
Tell her you love her.
This is especially important if you’re in a relationship with her. Let her know you’ll always love her no matter what and that nothing can come between you. The more confident she feels in your relationship, the better she’ll manage her insecurities.
- This is also crucial if you’re the parent of an insecure child. Remind them that no matter how they feel, you’ll always be there to support them.
Encourage her to seek help from a mental health professional.
Insecurities can harm relationships. If you’re dating someone who feels insecure or have a loved one struggling with self-esteem, a therapist can help them work through those emotions. Reassure them that feeling insecure is normal, but they’ll feel much better if they learn healthy ways to cope.
- Some people hesitate to talk to a mental health professional, which is okay. If you’ve worked with one before, share your experience and the benefits it brought you.
Advice
- Helping someone deal with insecurities can be exhausting. Make sure to take time to care for yourself too.
