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After trust has been broken, it takes patience and effort for someone to rebuild it. You can't rush the process or offer quick fixes, but you can help her by showing your reliability and genuine care. While difficult times like these can challenge a relationship, they also present an opportunity for growth, provided both of you acknowledge the issue and work through it together. Best of luck!
This article is based on an interview with Kelli Miller, licensed psychotherapist and award-winning author. Read the full interview here.
Steps
Stay true to your word.
Actions speak louder than words when it comes to trust. There's no simple phrase that will make someone trust you. Instead, you’ll have to prove your reliability through consistent actions. For example, if you value open communication and honesty in your relationship, you need to take the time to engage in meaningful, honest discussions, looking her in the eye and facing difficult topics together.
- This extends beyond relationship matters. If you promise to go on a trip with her, follow through by actually planning the trip and making it happen.
Engage in active listening.
Listen with full attention, not focusing on yourself. Communication in a relationship isn't just about talking. It's about truly listening to what the other person has to say, taking a moment to process their words, and then responding thoughtfully. It's easy to get caught up in your own thoughts and emotions, but if you want her to trust you, slow down and focus on her words to show you're worth confiding in.
- Try reflecting back what you heard, such as: "It sounds like you're upset because I was late to our date. Did I get that right?" This shows you value their perspective and helps clear up any confusion.
Inquire about what the other person needs.
Don't assume you know what's best for her. Everyone has different ways of coping and requires different types of support. If she's facing a challenge, does she need someone to listen as she vents? A problem-solver? A quiet companion? Or does she prefer space to process on her own? The best way to prove you're reliable is to ask her directly how she wants help, respect her wishes, and give her the kind of support she's asking for.
Be open and honest with your emotions.
Demonstrate your trust in her by sharing your own struggles. A strong relationship is built on the ability to address tough issues openly. While you can't control when she feels ready to open up, you can control how you approach the conversation. When you're going through a difficult time, share your feelings of fear or pain with her. And if problems arise in the relationship, don’t hesitate to bring them up and work through them together.
- If you're still in the early stages of dating, but want a deeper emotional connection, remember that at some point you’ll need to take the plunge. However, it's perfectly fine to wait until you've spent time together outside of dates and met each other's friends.
Find constructive ways to handle disagreements.
Propose strategies like taking timeouts or writing things down. Trust issues can make conflicts feel intense, sometimes leading someone to retreat or shut down the conversation. If this is happening, speak to her calmly and ask, "What can we do to avoid the feeling that one of us has to escape when we argue?" Work together to brainstorm possible solutions, including:
- A timeout system: either person can call for a pause in the argument to take a breather and cool down, then resume the conversation when both are ready.
- If verbal conversations feel too overwhelming, try stopping and exchanging thoughts in writing instead.
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Use "I" statements to talk about your feelings, not her actions. If something she's done upset you, express how it made you feel rather than attacking her. This shifts the focus to your own experience and opens the door for mutual problem-solving. Avoid blaming her, as this only creates conflict. True trust grows from working together, not from fighting.
- For instance, say "I feel let down that our date didn’t go as planned" instead of "You ruined our date."
Be understanding and give time.
Building trust takes time and effort. Keep being consistent, honoring your promises, and fostering open communication, and over time, trust will strengthen. Don’t expect someone to trust you fully right away, especially if she's healing from past hurt or betrayal.
Recognize that it's not your role to fix her.
Her personal growth is ultimately up to her. Struggling with insecurity or emotional barriers is an internal battle. You can offer support, but don’t see yourself as the one who must rescue her. If she works on her self-esteem and confidence independently, she’ll also be a stronger, healthier partner. Meanwhile, focus on becoming the best version of yourself—for your own well-being.
Invest in a relationship where both partners contribute.
Ensure you're both aligned in effort and commitment. Relationships demand work and perseverance, and that effort can’t come from just one person. Right now, you’re showing that you’re trustworthy, but your partner must also be willing to meet you halfway. For the relationship to thrive, she’ll need to acknowledge her trust challenges, communicate openly, and actively work toward building a healthier connection.
Important Considerations
- If you're in a relationship where your partner isn't expressing her feelings, that creates an unhealthy dynamic. The fact that you're here shows your dedication to addressing the issue, which is a positive step! Stay committed to fostering healthy communication, but also recognize that a relationship can't thrive if one person is just going through the motions without truly engaging.
