Understanding the 7 Modern Love Languages

Activity If your primary love language is activity-based, you feel most cherished when engaging in shared experiences with your partner. This includes moments where they actively participate in your hobbies or show genuine interest in your passions and social life.

• While quality time is one of Dr. Gary Chapman’s original 5 love languages, the activity-based love language delves deeper, emphasizing a partner’s recognition and appreciation of your individuality—your interests, friendships, and life beyond the relationship.

Appreciation If appreciation is your love language, you feel most loved when your partner expresses gratitude or compliments you sincerely. This could involve acknowledging your efforts in the relationship or celebrating your personal achievements.

• This love language isn’t about superficial praise—it’s about heartfelt recognition that makes you feel truly valued and understood.
• If appreciation resonates with you, you likely crave specific, detailed acknowledgment of what your partner admires about you.

Emotional If your love language is emotional, you prioritize deep, heartfelt connections with your partner. You thrive on late-night conversations about personal topics and value their emotional presence during challenging times.

• For this love language, it’s crucial that your partner isn’t just physically present but actively engaged, offering genuine support and emotional reciprocity in your interactions.

Financial If financial gestures make you feel loved, you feel most valued when your partner invests their resources in you. It’s less about the material items and more about the act of prioritizing you through financial means.

• This love language shares similarities with gift-giving from the original 5 love languages, but it focuses more on the symbolic act of dedicating financial resources to the relationship rather than the thoughtfulness behind a specific gift.

Intellectual This love language centers on a mental connection. You cherish the ability to bond with your partner on an intellectual level, whether through engaging debates on philosophy, politics, or other topics, all while respecting each other’s viewpoints.

• If intellectual is your love language, you might also identify as sapiosexual—meaning you’re drawn to others based on their intelligence.

Physical If physical touch makes you feel most loved and appreciated, your love language is likely physical. This includes not just intimacy but also gestures like holding hands, gentle kisses, and simply being close to your partner.

• While physical touch isn’t solely about intimacy, feeling desired by your partner is key. If this is your love language, you likely appreciate when your partner initiates physical contact as well.

Practical If your love language is practical, you feel most loved when your partner assists you in tangible ways, such as handling chores or easing your daily burdens. People with this love language tend to be straightforward and grounded.

• For this love language to resonate, your partner should offer practical help without needing to be asked.
• This aligns with acts of service from the original 5 love languages, though Chapman’s framework often reflects traditional, heteronormative dynamics, such as husbands “helping” with housework.

Using each other’s love languages strengthens your relationship. Couples who understand and actively practice each other’s love languages often enjoy healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Conversely, neglecting your partner’s love language can lead to feelings of being unappreciated and frustrated.

• If you’re unsure of your love language, reflect on what makes you feel most valued in your relationship. Alternatively, consider which unmet love language leaves you feeling neglected.
• To discover your partner’s love language, ask them what actions make them feel most loved and appreciated. Incorporating their love language into your relationship can foster mutual growth.
• Remember, your partner’s love language might differ significantly from yours and may not initially make sense to you. For example, if financial gestures don’t matter to you, you might struggle to understand their importance to your partner.

The 7 love languages evolved from Dr. Gary Chapman’s original 5 love languages. Introduced in his 1992 book, the initial 5 love languages—acts of service, gift-giving, physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time—revolutionized how couples express and receive love. Over time, these concepts have expanded to accommodate a broader spectrum of relationships and individual needs.

• Chapman’s framework, rooted in his work as a Christian marriage counselor, has faced criticism for its focus on married heterosexual Christian couples, prompting the development of the more inclusive 7 love languages.

Truity, a personality assessment platform, introduced the 7 love styles in 2022. Under the leadership of founder and CEO Molly Owens, Truity conducted a study involving 500,000 participants to identify what makes individuals feel most valued and loved in relationships. While many findings aligned with Chapman’s original work, the study highlighted more diverse and contemporary perspectives on healthy relationships, moving away from traditional, heteronormative views.

• Truity’s research builds on Chapman’s foundation while acknowledging the evolving nature of love, relationships, and societal norms over time.