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Master the skill of being a caring and supportive companion
Strong friendships play a significant role in improving your mental and emotional well-being. A true friend will always make your life more fulfilling. But forming such a friendship takes considerable effort, time, and lots of affection. So, what does it take to be a good friend? We spoke to experts, including psychologists and therapists, to learn about the traits that define good friends and how you can become one. We've also included advice on how to handle toxic or unhealthy friendships.
How to Be an Amazing Friend
- Dedicate quality time to nurture your friendship.
- Ask meaningful questions and listen with intent to their responses.
- Earn trust by showing up when needed and honoring commitments.
- Be transparent and truthful in your communication.
- Learn to forgive and embrace your friends' imperfections.
How to Take Action
Becoming a True Friend
Key Traits of a Great Friend
Effective Ways to Show RespectHow to Be the Best Friend You Can Be
Set aside dedicated time to enjoy with your friends. Life often gets hectic, and spending time with friends can easily be overlooked. However, everyone needs social interaction! The key? Treat time with your friends as seriously as you would a date. By prioritizing your friends, you show them just how much they mean to you.
- What this looks like: Choose a fun activity you both enjoy, like grabbing coffee or visiting a bookstore, and schedule it regularly, like the same day every week.
Communicate openly and honestly with your friends. Take the time to sit down and share your thoughts and emotions. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone, it deepens your connection. Friendship is a mutual exchange, so be sure to offer your undivided attention when your friend wants to express themselves. Work on becoming a better listener so you can truly understand their point of view.
- What this looks like: If your friend wants to talk, put your phone away, turn it face down, and give them your full attention.
Ask questions to better understand your friends. Approach conversations with curiosity. Show that you're genuinely interested in their thoughts by asking open-ended questions that invite them to share their experiences and perspectives.
- What this looks like: Instead of labeling their opinions, ask your friend why they feel a certain way about a political issue to better understand their viewpoint.
Be there for your friends. Your friends will truly appreciate your support when you show up without being asked, especially in times when they need help or emotional support. Whether it's participating in their hobbies or offering assistance in difficult times, your presence will mean a lot.
- What this looks like: Offer to take notes for your friend when they miss a class, help them search for a lost pet, or stand by them during a family funeral.
Follow through on your promises. Being dependable builds trust, and your friends will value you for it. If you commit to something, make sure you follow through—your reliability will show them that they can count on you no matter what.
- What this looks like: You help your friend move or assist with a social media task when they ask for it.
- Following through applies to fun plans too—don’t back out at the last minute. If you cancel often, they might stop inviting you.
- True friendships also involve sticking together during challenging times, not just when everything is going well.
Reach out to friends you haven't heard from recently. It's common for people to go silent occasionally, but if it's been a while since you've heard from someone, it’s worth checking in to make sure everything is okay. A simple text can go a long way in showing you care.
- What this looks like: You send a message saying, 'Hey, I realized we haven't caught up in a while. Is everything okay?'
- Some people might feel ashamed to reach out when they're struggling, so they may need you to notice and reach out to them first.
- Clinical psychologist Lena Dicken suggests that asking, 'How are you emotionally?' is a more specific way to learn about someone's feelings.
- Dicken also notes, 'Sharing some of your own emotions can help make others feel safe to open up.'
Express your gratitude to your friends for being part of your life. There’s nothing quite as impactful as letting someone know directly how much you value them. Even if they already know, it’s always heartwarming to hear it. By focusing on gratitude, you'll naturally develop a more positive perspective overall.
- What this looks like: Surprise them with a thoughtful gift, something that made you think of them, just because. You could also send a sincere thank-you note in the mail.
Embrace your friends for who they truly are, without judgment. Listen with an open mind, trying to understand their viewpoint, rather than focusing on whether they're 'right' or 'wrong.' Show them love and support, even if their choices or actions don’t align with your own.
- What this looks like: Even if you disagree with a cause your friend is passionate about, you support them by bringing them water and snacks after a protest.
- The key to being less judgmental is to ask your friends questions to truly understand their reasoning instead of jumping to conclusions.
Appreciate the diversity in your friendship. You and your friends share common ground, but your differences are just as valuable. You won’t always agree on everything, and that’s a good thing! Each disagreement or difference is an opportunity for you to learn and grow by seeing things from another angle.
- What this looks like: When you find yourself at odds with your friend on a topic, instead of arguing, you ask thoughtful questions to understand their perspective better.
Forgive your friends when they make mistakes. It’s inevitable that misunderstandings and annoyances will arise when spending time with someone. Even the closest friendships will encounter moments of conflict. Rather than holding grudges or trying to force them to change, embrace their flaws and find common ground.
- What this looks like: If your friend’s fidgeting distracts you, instead of getting frustrated, you move to the other side of the table, suggesting it will help improve eye contact, rather than snapping at them.
- If a disagreement occurs, be open to acknowledge your part in the issue, apologize, and work toward resolving it. Don’t let the argument linger—holding onto resentment harms the friendship.
- If you’ve wronged your friend and they’re not ready to forgive, Dicken suggests saying, 'I understand you’re still upset with me, and I truly regret hurting or upsetting you. I want us to continue our relationship, and when you’re ready, I’m here to listen. Again, I apologize.'
Offer emotional support through both the good and the challenging times. Licensed psychologist Tracy Carver emphasizes that being loved and supported is essential for a strong friendship. When your friend is going through difficult times, offer emotional support to them, especially when things aren’t going well. It’s tough to be around someone in crisis, but that’s what friends are for.
- What this looks like: You visit your friend if they're sick or recovering from an injury to spend time and offer comfort.
- If you notice a friend struggling with an issue like substance abuse, gently confront them and offer to help them find resources, rather than ignoring their needs.
- Remember, offering emotional support doesn’t mean solving all their problems. You can’t fix everything—but you can be there for them through it all.
11 Essential Qualities of a Great Friend
Trustworthy The foundation of any good friendship is mutual trust. Friends know they can always count on each other, confident that neither will intentionally harm the other. By being transparent and genuine, they build a solid bond based on reliability.
- Trustworthy friends always honor their promises and are careful about making commitments they can't keep. If an unforeseen issue arises, they apologize sincerely, explain the situation, and work hard to prevent it from happening again.
Loyal Loyalty in friendship means being there for each other, no matter what. Good friends respect each other's privacy and defend each other against negativity. They support each other, even when there are disagreements or mistakes made.
- For instance, if a loyal friend hears someone speaking poorly of them, they’ll stand up for their friend, saying something like, "That doesn’t sound like them at all—have you spoken to them directly?"
- Loyal friends show up time and time again, disregarding their differences, and continue to strengthen their bond despite any flaws.
Honest Honesty is key in a strong friendship, even when the truth may cause discomfort. True friends care enough to be sincere, though they strive to express themselves thoughtfully to avoid unnecessary harm.
- This honesty builds trust and ensures that when they share something with each other, it’s always reliable.
- Honesty also means being authentic. In a genuine friendship, there's no need for pretenses. Friends appreciate each other deeply, accepting each other for who they truly are.
Empathetic Good friends are compassionate and make an effort to understand how each other feels. They recognize that emotions and experiences can vary greatly between individuals, and they remain open to understanding how their friend’s world might look from their perspective.
- During conflicts, they ask questions with the goal to empathize and offer a heartfelt apology when they've unintentionally hurt someone emotionally.
Respectful True friends hold each other in high regard, treating each other with respect at all times. They avoid actions that could embarrass or hurt each other and take care to understand and honor each other’s boundaries. Creating a safe space for one another, both emotionally and physically, is a key part of their bond.
- When friends hold differing opinions, they look for areas of common understanding and avoid attacking each other for their differences.
- Respect also shows through supporting friends during tough times, offering genuine care that reflects how much they value one another.
Generous Generosity is a hallmark of good friendship. Friends give freely of their time, resources, and support without expecting anything in return. They never keep track of favors or worry about being taken advantage of, knowing that their friends share the same generous spirit.
- Generous friends never exploit each other’s kindness. Instead, they return favors eagerly and share their blessings whenever they can.
- As Carver points out, "healthy friendships thrive on a spirit of reciprocity, where giving and receiving are in harmony."
Patient Good friends allow each other the time and space needed to grow, avoiding snap judgments or quick reactions. They prioritize communication, reaching out to ask questions rather than jumping to conclusions. They make an effort to listen actively and validate each other's feelings.
- In times of conflict, friends give each other space to process emotions and make decisions without feeling pressured.
Flexible As life evolves, so do friendships. Good friends recognize that relationships must grow and change, and they are open to adjusting with the shifts in each other's lives. They understand that the dynamics of their friendship will evolve, whether during school years or adulthood, and adapt accordingly.
- For instance, if a friend enters a new phase of life, like marriage or parenthood, a good friend accepts that their availability may change and doesn't take it personally.
- As Dicken suggests, "change is the only constant, and staying stuck in the past wouldn't be beneficial. Growth and change are essential to becoming who we're meant to be."
- Good friends respect each other’s independence, refraining from clinginess or possessiveness.
- They understand that their friends have other relationships and don’t feel slighted if they aren’t included in every gathering.
Enthusiastic A true friend celebrates your successes and feels genuine joy for your accomplishments. They cheer for you without feeling envy, always eager to see you succeed. Even in competition, they push you to do your best, sharing in your victories.
- Because friends always wish the best for one another, they celebrate triumphs with enthusiasm and encourage each other’s progress.
- Though friends may not always agree on everything, they still find ways to celebrate milestones together, like attending a friend’s wedding even if they feel the timing could be better.
Comfortable True friends feel at ease with one another. They can relax, knowing that they can be their authentic selves without fear of being hurt. This comfort is one of the reasons they can offer such meaningful emotional support.
- They also have a sense of security with each other, trusting that they won't be betrayed or harmed.
- As time passes, friends grow more comfortable around each other, becoming increasingly familiar and predictable in their actions, which naturally leads to greater ease in the relationship.
Enjoyable Good friends genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Whether everything goes according to plan or not, they know how to find joy in the moment. Spending time together, no matter the circumstances, is always a highlight.
- Having similar senses of humor and shared interests often makes the time spent together even more fun, but even friends with little in common can still find ways to have a good time.
Dealing with Toxic Friends
Identify the behavior you find toxic. A toxic friend often embodies qualities that are the opposite of a good friend, but not every toxic trait is a reflection of complete negativity. Sometimes, it's the result of growing apart. List the behaviors that irritate you, and then assess if these actions cross your personal boundaries.
- In some cases, the issue isn’t that a friend is toxic, but that the relationship has simply changed over time. Dicken states, "It's natural for people to drift apart because change is constant, and we shouldn't expect to remain the same forever."
- What was once acceptable may no longer be. For example, if a friend frequently drinks and you’ve chosen sobriety, their behavior may now feel toxic to you.
- As Dicken reminds us, "It's okay to let go of friendships that no longer serve you or no longer align with your values."
- Take time periodically to evaluate your friendships, especially after major life events. Don't hesitate to move on from relationships that no longer meet your needs.
Set firm boundaries with anyone who's toxic. Understand what you want from the situation before setting limits. Is your goal to change their behavior, receive an apology, or both? Consider how you would feel if they no longer wanted to be friends. Answering these questions helps clarify what boundaries you need to establish.
- Therapist Ebony Eubanks suggests that when a friend’s behavior makes you uncomfortable, create a clear boundary to protect yourself. Once set, accept them as they are, not as you wish them to be.
- Merely setting boundaries isn’t enough if you’re unwilling to enforce them. Consistently enforce your boundaries so the other person understands the consequences of their actions.
- For example, if your friend is always late, let them know that you’ll leave if they’re more than 10 minutes late. If you don’t act on this boundary, they’ll realize that there are no real consequences for their tardiness.
Avoid getting involved in drama or gossip. Toxic individuals often thrive on creating chaos, and as a friend, it can be tempting to get swept up in it. However, starting rumors or becoming part of the drama only brings negativity back to you.
- For instance, a toxic friend may spread rumors just to test your loyalty, or to see how you’ll react. No matter how you respond, they’ll likely become upset with you anyway.
Seek support from your family and other friends. While it’s important not to badmouth a toxic friend, the people who care about you can still offer vital support. Ending any relationship is challenging, and your loved ones can provide encouragement and perspective during the process.
- Your other friends can also help you assess the situation early on. Discussing the toxic person’s behavior with those who care about you can give you reassurance and ensure you're not overreacting.
- If you’re worried about how the toxic friend will react when you confront them, having the backing of your family and friends can help you feel more secure when you have that difficult conversation.
Limit your interactions with toxic friends. If you’re not ready to sever ties completely, try to minimize your time spent with them to lessen their impact on your well-being. While it may be impossible to avoid them completely in certain situations (like at work or school), you can still avoid socializing outside of those settings.
- If you find yourself at the same event, use your best judgment. If the gathering is large enough, you may be able to stay distant from them without issue.
- When you do cross paths, keep the interaction brief. You can invent a reason to leave quickly, such as needing to run an urgent errand or taking a call that requires privacy.
Encourage therapy if your friend may benefit from it. Carver suggests presenting therapy as a way for the individual to receive undivided attention and care, saying, "It might appeal to their sense of relief, like, ‘Finally, someone is listening without interrupting every few minutes.’"
- Depending on the nature of the relationship, you may find that you also need therapy to process the effects of the friendship. Abuse isn’t limited to romantic relationships—emotional abuse can happen in platonic friendships, too, and it can be difficult to overcome without support.
- Carver explains, "The past shapes our present, and understanding this connection is key to personal growth. Therapy provides the perfect setting to explore this deeper understanding."
- However, Carver also cautions that the person must be open to therapy. If they’re resistant, it’s unlikely to be effective.
Cut ties if you think it’s necessary. If you reach a point where the friendship is no longer healthy, the best solution might be to remove that person from your life entirely. Even though the no-contact rule is often associated with romantic relationships, it can be just as effective for platonic ones. Start by deleting their contact details and blocking them on social media to limit their influence.
- This doesn’t have to be permanent. If, after some time apart, you feel that you miss them and want to try reconnecting, you can always reach out again.
- No-contact allows you to evaluate life without the toxic person. If it was the right decision to cut them out, you’ll likely feel lighter and more confident moving forward.
How to Be a Better Friend?
Learn How to Build Meaningful Friendships with This Expert Guide
1
Discover a True Friend
2
Engage, Use Humor, and Cultivate Friendships
3
What Does It Mean to Be a True Friend...
4
How to Spot If Someone is Taking Advantage of You...
5
Reignite a Friendship
6
Show Respect to Your Friends
The guidance in this section comes from the personal experiences of Mytour readers like yourself. If you have valuable advice to contribute to Mytour, please feel free to submit it in the space provided below.
- If you're finding it difficult to make new friends, try connecting with people who share your interests. Engaging in activities together will help create shared experiences, and the more common ground you have with someone, the easier it will be to maintain a lasting friendship.
- If you're experiencing tension with a friend, consider giving them some space. Constantly being around someone isn't always healthy, and if conflicts are pushing you apart, it's probably best to take a step back and let things cool off for a while.
- A great tip for maintaining healthy friendships is to ask your friends questions. Don't let the conversation revolve only around you—ensure you're giving them as much opportunity to talk about themselves as you do about yourself.
