Ways to Help Someone Feel Uplifted

Listen to them. Usually, people who are sad or stressed don’t really want answers; they just need someone to listen and provide them with a chance to vent. Do you know why they’re feeling down? Do they seem like they want to share their emotions with you? Take a seat, smile, and offer them a shoulder to cry on. Offer advice if you think it will help, but the key thing is to let them express their feelings.

• Never interrupt while they’re speaking. Unless there’s a pause indicating you can share your thoughts, just react with words of sympathy like 'Oh' or 'Wow.' Otherwise, you might come off as rude and could make them feel worse.
• Show genuine interest in their issue, even if you don’t fully understand or care. The more you show interest in their concerns, the more they’ll feel valued, which is the essence of the matter, isn’t it? Everyone wants to feel that others care about their success. Try to communicate that.
• Don’t make them feel like a burden. People often hesitate to confide in others because they don’t want to burden the listener. So, if necessary, reassure them that they are not a burden and that you’re more than happy to listen and offer advice if possible.

Ask relevant questions. Asking questions is one of the best ways to engage in a conversation, especially by inquiring how someone is feeling. However, the key here is to ask relevant questions. Asking unrelated questions can confuse them and make it harder for them to open up.

• Here are some appropriate questions to ask someone who may need support. These questions can help them express their feelings and get things off their chest:
  • "How does that make you feel?"
  • "Has this happened to you before?"
  • "Is there someone specific you could turn to for advice?"
  • "What do you think you’ll do when it’s time to take action?"
  • "How can I help you?" (Be ready to offer assistance!)

Show empathy, when appropriate, but be sure not to overshadow them. Don't take away their spotlight, but feel free to share a similar experience or story if you believe it could be helpful. Any lessons you've learned could be beneficial, even if they don’t perfectly align with their situation.

• Empathy is more about how you say something, rather than what you say. For example, if someone tells you their father was recently diagnosed with cancer, saying something like, "I don’t know if this will make you feel better, but my grandfather was also diagnosed with cancer" doesn’t provide comfort. Instead, say: "I understand how overwhelming such news can be. My grandfather was diagnosed last spring, and it was incredibly painful for me. I can only imagine the pain you’re going through right now."

After listening, offer advice if they ask for it. Once you’ve gathered the details, take some time to reflect on the best possible advice you can offer them. You can tell them you have some ideas that might help. If you don’t, be honest with them and yourself. You might guide them to someone with more experience on the subject.

• Remember, it’s rare to find a perfect solution for a problem. Make sure to offer a choice and ensure they know there are other options. A good way to do this is by using words like “maybe,” “perhaps,” or “possibly,” so they won’t feel guilty if they choose not to follow your advice.
• Be honest with them. The worst thing you can do in such a vulnerable situation is to lie. If you’re talking about a matter with serious consequences, try to be truthful, even if it might cause pain. However, if your friend seeks advice about being dumped by a boyfriend, feel free to call him a jerk, even if that’s not entirely accurate. Helping her feel better matters more than telling the complete truth.
• Be cautious when offering unsolicited advice. They may not want it, and if they follow your advice and it doesn’t work out (even if it’s not your fault), they may blame you.

Meet face-to-face. While technology has made life easier and more convenient, it can also make things harder. You might be tempted to send a supportive text, but it may not have the same impact. The best way to show you care is by meeting in person. Nowadays, with so much time spent behind screens, face-to-face interactions can be much more meaningful.

• Sending a letter by mail has almost become a romantic and thoughtful gesture. E-cards are similar, but if you truly want to send a heartfelt message, consider mailing a physical card. It’s sure to surprise them!

Give them a gift. Can you recall a time when someone gave you a present without any obligation? How warm and happy did you feel when receiving it? Giving a gift to someone can brighten their day and make them realize that the kindness behind the gift matters far more than the item itself.

• A gift doesn't need to be expensive or even a physical object to make an impact. You could take them to your secret contemplation spot or show them how to fold a paper crane. Small acts like these often carry more meaning than anything you could buy from a store.
• Give them something old and meaningful. A family heirloom or a keepsake holds much more emotional value because it has been with you for a long time, and you cherish it dearly. Old items also symbolize that life goes on, even when we can’t imagine how it will unfold.

Try to make them smile. Make them smile by reminding them how much you care, and you may find yourself needing a comforting smile too. Or, if you know they won’t mind, you might even try tickling them!

Make them laugh. Jokes and funny stories are great ways to lighten the mood after discussing a serious topic for a while. Jokes don’t have to be overly hilarious, but if delivered at the right moment, they can have a significant impact.

• Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. It’s tough to poke fun at the person you’re comforting, but making fun of yourself is easier: Highlight a moment when you embarrassed yourself, did something silly, or were caught in a ridiculously awkward situation. Your friend will appreciate the humor.

Surprise them. Giving gifts during Christmas, birthdays, or showing thoughtfulness on Valentine’s Day and other holidays is very common. But surprising them on an ordinary Tuesday, the 34th of the year, is something they’ll never expect. When the gift comes as a surprise, it becomes much more meaningful.

• Think about what the person loves the most in life and see if you can surprise them with it. Maybe they love food—treat them to a dinner or sign them up for a cooking class. Perhaps they love movies or theater—surprise them with a movie night or a pair of tickets to a performance.

Try to help them forget about it. By now, after listening and offering advice, make sure they don’t let their problems keep them down or depressed. Don’t say things like, 'Anyway, blah blah blah,' or 'Forget it, it’s not that bad,' because that undermines everything you’ve worked to do. Instead, give them a bit of time to organize their thoughts and then try saying something like, 'Would you like to hear a funny story?' and see how they respond.

• Use all your social awareness to gauge where they are in the process of bouncing back. If your friend is crying uncontrollably, it’s not the time to ask them if they want to hear about your day. But if they’ve had an argument with their mom and seem to be calming down, dive into the details. Timing is everything.

Change their surroundings. We are often influenced by our environment, and it can determine our mood. If you want to help someone get out of a bad mood, take them outside! Experiencing a variety of new stimuli can encourage fresh ways of thinking and a more positive mindset.

• You don’t necessarily have to take them to a club or bar. Being around a crowd isn't always the right solution. A trip to the dog park nearby can lift their spirits, as they get lost in the cuteness of the dogs, enough to forget their sadness. Do anything you can to distract your friend. It's good for them, even if they want to stay in their pajamas.

Give them a big hug, if they don’t mind physical contact. Some people might push away when they're feeling down, but that’s perfectly normal. A warm embrace can make their day much brighter.

Show your strengths. Not all of us can be culinary experts, famous comedians, or talented artists. But most of us have our own special skills. Whatever it may be, use it to motivate your friend. Can you cook a perfect bowl of bún bò Huế? That's great – it's already dinner time somewhere! Are you a master at telling jokes or making puns like they were taught in kindergarten? Can you sketch a tent hanging from a towering mountain? That's awesome. These skills can also bring joy to others.

• Use your creativity and talents to ease their troubles. Sing a song for them. Take them hiking. Give them your cute kitten. What do you have in your skill set? Put it to use.

Be optimistic. Focus on the brighter side of life. Concentrate on the positive aspects rather than the negative. Optimism is a mindset that, when used properly, can positively affect those around you. Be mindful of the exciting, uplifting, or motivational opportunities your friend might miss out on if they’re consumed by pessimism.

• Every problem has a silver lining. Sometimes we don't want to look for it, but it’s always there. Here are a few ways to think more positively about common problems:
  • My partner just broke up with me. 'Don’t worry about someone who doesn’t fully appreciate you as an individual. If they don’t understand how special you are, they surely don’t deserve you. There are many other people out there who will recognize your worth.'
  • A family member/close friend passed away. 'Death is a natural part of life. While you can’t bring them back, you can be grateful for the impact they had on your life and how you may have influenced theirs. Appreciate the time you spent with them.'
  • I lost my job. 'A job reflects who you are, but it’s not the whole picture. Think about the lessons you’ve learned and how you can apply them to your future roles. Finding a job is just about working harder than everyone else. Be determined to show employers your capabilities.'
  • I don’t trust myself. 'You have plenty to be confident about. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses; that's what makes us unique and amazing. I like you as you are now. I see no reason why you can’t be just as confident as anyone else.'
  • I don’t know what happened, I just feel really sad. 'Feeling down is natural. Our happiest moments are often even more beautiful because of our low points. Don’t force yourself to feel different, but try thinking about how lucky you are compared to others. It always helps me.'

Don't Dwell in Sadness. If you're feeling down, how can you lift up a friend? Maintain a balance between concern – showing them you're upset that they're feeling bad – and optimism – being carefree and thinking positively. It's a tough job and can be emotionally draining, but your friend deserves it, right?

• Help them and do everything you can to show that someone still cares. This will build trust. They'll know they can rely on you. Always do this with a smile.
• Invite them to join in an activity that could cheer them up, like watching a movie, hiking, swimming, or playing a game. If they don't want to be distracted, don't push them: You can't help someone who doesn't want help. Be joyful, fully engaged, and ready until they want to solve things or simply forget about them.

Understand that sometimes people need to be sad. In today's world, some individuals benefit more from a day of sadness than others – for these people, sadness gives them time to reflect, self-analyze, and recharge. Perhaps your friend just needs a little time to gather their emotions and work through them. If they ask for this, respect it. You're not obligated to fix things for them. When the time is right, they will handle it themselves.

• And yet, there are times when people should feel sadness. It would be unreasonable to expect a girl to suddenly forget her sorrow when her father passed away only three months ago. Everyone is different, and their grieving process is just as unique as their fingerprints. If they continue to feel sorrow after an event, the best thing you can do is simply be there. They will figure it out themselves.

• Give them a hug! (If they agree). Hugging them when they don't want it will only make them feel worse.
• Tell them a funny story or watch something entertaining together!
• Write them a letter or card expressing how wonderful they are as a friend and how much you care for them.
• Here are some gift ideas:
  • Relaxing scented candles.
  • Chocolate! (If they're not allergic.)
  • A certificate for a "funny achievement". For example, if they've recently gone through a breakup and are feeling sad, give them a certificate for “The Saddest Story of the Year.” (But only do this if they're in a stable state to accept it. Not everyone will appreciate this, especially if what they're going through is very serious.)