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If you’ve just formed a new friendship, you might be thinking about inviting them for a one-on-one outing. Although it may seem like a significant move, it doesn’t have to be overly stressful! Check out these suggestions to learn how to casually and confidently ask someone to spend time with you.
Steps
Assess their interest with a flexible invitation.
If you’re unsure about their interest, give this a try. A flexible invitation is less detailed than a fully planned outing. This approach works well with newer friends to gauge their enthusiasm for spending time together. Consider saying something like:
- “Would you like to go for a bike ride in the near future?”
- “We should visit that new coffee shop everyone’s talking about.”
- “When are you usually free? Let’s plan to hang out soon.”
Use a relaxed tone in your wording.
Being overly formal might come across as awkward. Rather than saying, “I’d like to invite you out on Saturday,” opt for something like, “Want to catch the game with me this weekend?” This approach feels more welcoming, increasing the chances your friend will agree.
- Begin with a warm greeting such as, "Hey Billy, how’s it going? Hope all’s well," to ease into the conversation.Avoid self-deprecating remarks as well. Phrases like, “I struggle to make friends… Want to hang out?” can feel uncomfortable and might create undue pressure on your friend.
Inquire about their availability on a specific day.
Be more direct if you have a particular activity in mind. This approach is ideal for events like concerts or activities requiring tickets. Make sure to mention the specific activity so your friend understands the context. For instance:
- “Got any plans next weekend? I was considering grabbing tickets for the new exhibit at the downtown museum.”
- “What’s your schedule like Thursday after work? I’m heading to see my favorite band, and tickets are affordable. Care to join?”
Kyler Shumway, Friendship Expert and Bestselling Author
When inviting a friend to spend time together, center the invitation around a shared interest or activity you believe they’d enjoy. This demonstrates that you value their companionship and preferences. Offer flexible timing options and be understanding if they’re unable to attend.
Suggest a brief, relaxed activity.
For newer friendships, opt for a simple, casual outing. Rather than proposing an extensive camping trip, consider something like grabbing a drink after work or hitting the gym together. Your friend is more likely to agree if the plan feels low-pressure, especially if you haven’t spent much one-on-one time before.
- If you’ve already hung out a few times, you can suggest a more involved activity, such as a day of boating or an afternoon of rock climbing.
Finalize a specific time, date, and location.
This ensures clarity and avoids misunderstandings. While saying you’ll hang out “soon” is fine, it lacks specificity. To make sure your plans actually happen, agree on a concrete time and place to meet.
- Confirm your plans with something like, “Alright, so drinks after work on Friday? What time do you finish?”
- Or, “Looking forward to Saturday for the game. What time should I come over?”
- If you don’t already have their number, now’s a good time to exchange contact details. This way, you can easily confirm plans or ask for directions if needed.
Invite them to join existing group plans.
Ease the pressure by inviting them to join your plans. If you’re already going out with a group, extend an invitation for them to come along if they’re interested. This way, if they can’t make it, they won’t feel too bad about declining.
- Try saying, “Hey, a few friends and I are watching the game at my place on Sunday. You’re welcome to drop by if you’d like!”
- Or, “I’m heading to the river with some friends this weekend. It’d be great if you could join us.”
Allow them to reach out if they’re hesitant.
If your friend is indecisive, let them take the lead. Share your availability and ensure they have your contact information. Encourage them to call or text if they want to meet up, or suggest a specific place to connect. For example:
- “I’m free all day Saturday, so just shoot me a message if you want to hang out.”
- “Feel free to text me after work on Monday. I’m off that day, so I’ll be around.”
- “I’ll be at the mall later if you want to join me. Let me know if you’re coming!”
Respect their decision if they decline.
If your friend seems uninterested, don’t take it personally! It doesn’t mean they dislike you—they might just be busy or not into the activity you suggested. If they say no without offering an alternative, it’s best to let it go and wait for them to propose something later.
- Sometimes, people decline indirectly by saying things like, “I’m really swamped right now,” or, “I don’t have much free time.”
- However, if they respond with, “I’m busy tomorrow, but how about next week?” it means they’re genuinely interested. Try to accommodate their schedule to make plans work.
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If you’re feeling anxious about inviting a friend to spend time together, consider sending them a text or bringing it up in a private conversation.
