What Does It Mean When She Cancels and Wants to Reschedule?

If she’s never canceled before, something might have just come up. It happens! She could have been feeling under the weather, buried in work, or dealing with a family situation. The fact that she wants to reschedule shows she’s still interested in going out, and the cancellation likely wasn’t personal.

• If this was going to be your first date, she might be nervous and just need more time. If you've been texting or chatting, keep that up before your new date: she might enjoy getting to know you more before meeting face-to-face.
• Most people will come up with a reasonable excuse (or at least try), so it's probably not worth debating whether her reason is “valid” if this is the first time she’s canceled. (However, if her excuse is something like, “I want to stay in and watch Game of Thrones,” then... maybe reconsider.)
• Pay attention to whether she sounds genuinely apologetic—“I’m so sorry I can’t make it! But would Saturday night work for you?” sounds more sincere than “I have to cancel. Can we try next week?”—but if you're still getting to know her, it’s probably okay to give her the benefit of the doubt.

If she frequently cancels, she might not be that invested. If you’ve already had a few dates with her and she keeps canceling last minute, it’s a sign that she might not be feeling it. While it’s no excuse to cancel, it might be worth having an honest conversation with her.

• She could also just be a flake. If she consistently bails but always reschedules, it shows she likely wants to see you—she just may not realize how her behavior is affecting you.

If she doesn’t offer a concrete reschedule date, she might not be genuine. It’s reasonable to expect the person who cancels to take charge of rescheduling. Even if she sounds sorry when canceling, if she only suggests rescheduling without setting a definite date or following through, she might be brushing you off—or perhaps she meant well, but she’s not fully invested or available.

• You can follow up if she hasn’t set a firm reschedule date, and it may work out: it could just be a one-off. Maybe she thinks that once she suggests a new time, it’s up to you to pick a day. If she doesn’t confirm your rescheduled date or cancels again, it’s a big red flag.

Give her the benefit of the doubt if she rarely cancels. If you're not very familiar with her or she’s generally reliable, trust that something unexpected came up. Even the most punctual people sometimes need to cancel, and this could just be an isolated incident.

• If she’s canceled at least three times, it might be worth sending a message to check if something’s wrong or if she’s still genuinely interested in meeting: “Hey Diana, I noticed you’ve canceled a few times recently. I appreciate you rescheduling, but I just wanted to make sure everything is OK?”
  • It may also be a good idea to share your feelings: “When you cancel last-minute, it makes me feel like you’re not as invested in hanging out. If that’s true, I understand, but it would be good to know.”

Don’t ask too many questions about why she canceled. Most people will give a reason for canceling, but if she doesn’t or only provides a brief explanation (“I’m feeling sick” or “Work got in the way”), be polite and take her word for it. It’s her right to keep things private, especially if you don’t know her that well. Give her space to deal with whatever’s going on and let her handle rescheduling.

• Even if you know her well, avoid prying: she may choose to tell you what happened when she’s ready.
• Regardless of your relationship, sending a polite message like “I hope everything is OK” or “Let me know if I can help” can go a long way—just steer clear of asking for specific details.

Stay gracious. It’s disappointing to be canceled on, especially at the last minute. Whether it’s a week in advance or an hour before, try to remain understanding and avoid making her feel guilty.

• She probably feels bad enough already—if she doesn’t, she may not be worth your time anyway.
• This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t express your disappointment, but steer clear of being accusatory. Instead, say something like, “That’s a shame! I hope we can reschedule soon” or “I won’t lie, I’m bummed! But I understand, things happen.”

Don’t take it personally. When someone cancels, especially on a date, it’s easy to internalize and think: she doesn’t like me or I'm not good enough. But the truth is, her canceling likely has nothing to do with you and isn’t a reflection of your worth—particularly if she reschedules. Try not to take it personally.

• Positive affirmations can help you handle the situation better. Remind yourself, “It’s not about me. There are many reasons she could have canceled,” or “I deserve a great date.”

Go have some fun. Just because your date canceled doesn’t mean you need to sit home alone! Grab some friends and go to the movies or enjoy a nice dinner out. Or have a fun night solo!

• If you tend to take cancellations personally (who doesn’t?), getting out can help distract you and remind you that there are plenty of ways to have fun beyond just this date.

Your response when a girl cancels over text should depend on how well you know her. If it’s a girl you’ve just met or haven’t met in person yet, it’s best to step back, trust that when she says she wants to reschedule, she truly does. Try not to invest too much in someone you’re still getting to know. However, if it’s a girl you’ve been dating for a while, it’s OK to check in and see if everything’s alright.

• Regardless of the situation, remember that a cancellation isn’t a reflection of your worth as a person—and most often, it’s not personal.